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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm lieing to DP to go out Saturday night.

164 replies

Namechangeforthisshame1 · 24/08/2017 17:29

So in a nutshell DP does not like me going out I don't need telling this is controlling because I know and have chosen to stay with him. Anyway I'm going Saturday evening with two of my friends who I haven't seen in months!
I'm really really looking forward to this I can only have one drink as il be driving so will be a light night but I have told DP I'm going to meet family for a meal on my own. I'm feeling bad about it but this is the lengths I have to go to to just socialise. He's never liked me going out he's a bit older than me and doesn't go out himself to be social. But I still like to. :( I feel bad about lieing but I know he will be a pain if I tell the truth. He will sulk etc.
Does anyone lie to get a little free time or am I the only loser here
I don't new posters yelling at me to leave him as I'm happy in my relationship I just have to lie a few times a year to go out. AIBU

OP posts:
Original poster
Namechangeforthisshame1 · 24/08/2017 17:30

Don't " need"

OP posts:
spanieleyes · 24/08/2017 17:31

Let him sulk, he sounds like a 2 year old!

MorrisZapp · 24/08/2017 17:31

He's disgusting. Leave him.

SparklyMagpie · 24/08/2017 17:32

You can't be that happy in your relationship if you have to lie like this

Nomoreboomandbust · 24/08/2017 17:32

Yes tell him and let him sulk.

Couldn't be with a man child like this but at least be honest with him

theboud · 24/08/2017 17:33

You're not a loser.

But you are in an abusive relationship. You don't need a lecture on that but please remember when his behaviour escalates (which it will) to call Women's Aid. Please don't think, "Well, I stayed with him even though he was controlling so this is my problem" or "It's just how he is".

Enjoy your night out.

Amatree · 24/08/2017 17:33

Not sure what you're looking for here really if you know he is abusive but are basically saying you don't care Confused Just hope you don't have any children witnessing this example of a relationship.

Original poster
Namechangeforthisshame1 · 24/08/2017 17:33

But I don't want to rock the boat and then it ruins my plans (secret plans) but on the flip side I don't like lieing makes me feel crappy as a person

OP posts:
Stressalot42 · 24/08/2017 17:34

No you shouldn't lie. You should tell the truth and let him do whatever he wants, but make sure you go out.

He sounds vile.

anyoldname76 · 24/08/2017 17:34

no i dont need to lie to be able to go out. tbh i couldnt stay in a relationship where i had to lie about where i ws going just so i could get free time. what happens when he finds out?

PatriciaHolm · 24/08/2017 17:35

So do you plan on bringing children into this mess?

And no, people in happy healthy relationships with people who love them don't lie. But then your partner doesn't love you.

Queenioqueenio · 24/08/2017 17:36

Don't lie, if he finds out he'll have this to control you with too. Tell him the truth and that his sulking will not make a bit of difference as you are still going.
The answer to your AiBu is a resounding yes, it is unreasonable to have to lie to go out, it is not normal, but your partner is the unreasonable one - but I think you already know that.

Original poster
Namechangeforthisshame1 · 24/08/2017 17:36

I am absolutely aware that it's controlling. But it will never change he's always been this way. Sometimes I wish I had the courage to say I'm going out ! But iv done this before and life was miserable for a while after so can't win

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 24/08/2017 17:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ahardmanisgoodtofind · 24/08/2017 17:36

You shouldn't have to lie OP. If he doesn't like it tough. I wouldn't lie because if you get caught out (and odds are you will) he will have more ammo to throw at you or will jump to conclusions making it more difficult for you to ever get past this. Just be honest, if you really want to stay with him then you just have to put up with his sulking, but don't give in dont pander and try and cheer him up/cajole him out of his tantrum. Ignore him. You shouldn't be punished for wanting a social life. Is it a trust thing or control thing with him?

Dragongirl10 · 24/08/2017 17:36

Lying is crappy, and it undermines your sense of yourself sadly.

Wouldn't you like to go out more often?

AlternativeTentacle · 24/08/2017 17:36

What would happen if you told the truth?

Which anyone in a non-abusive relationship should be able to do.

Queenioqueenio · 24/08/2017 17:37

Do you honestly want to live like this?

Original poster
Namechangeforthisshame1 · 24/08/2017 17:38

If I told him now that I'm planning to meet friends at the pub he would sulk and make me feel bad

OP posts:
Booboobooboo84 · 24/08/2017 17:38

Tell the truth, go out and deal with the aftermath. He will either accept that he needs to give you freedom or you'll get some sick of his strops you'll dump him.

Thurlow · 24/08/2017 17:38

The fact that you're even posting about this says that you know how wrong it is.

HooplaLoopla1 · 24/08/2017 17:38

No, I don't lie to get any free time as I don't need to bow. But once I was in a similar position to you and I did have to. No I don't think YABU but will you be safe IF he finds out where you really are or will it open the door to fear/insults/problems/recriminations?

Original poster
Namechangeforthisshame1 · 24/08/2017 17:38

Which would then make me feel miserable and I would cancel
But I want to go out ild love to do it more

OP posts:
HooplaLoopla1 · 24/08/2017 17:39

*Now not bow Hmm

FizzyGreenWater · 24/08/2017 17:40

You win by telling him to go fuck himself, surely?

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