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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm lieing to DP to go out Saturday night.

164 replies

Namechangeforthisshame1 · 24/08/2017 17:29

So in a nutshell DP does not like me going out I don't need telling this is controlling because I know and have chosen to stay with him. Anyway I'm going Saturday evening with two of my friends who I haven't seen in months!
I'm really really looking forward to this I can only have one drink as il be driving so will be a light night but I have told DP I'm going to meet family for a meal on my own. I'm feeling bad about it but this is the lengths I have to go to to just socialise. He's never liked me going out he's a bit older than me and doesn't go out himself to be social. But I still like to. :( I feel bad about lieing but I know he will be a pain if I tell the truth. He will sulk etc.
Does anyone lie to get a little free time or am I the only loser here
I don't new posters yelling at me to leave him as I'm happy in my relationship I just have to lie a few times a year to go out. AIBU

OP posts:
Queenioqueenio · 24/08/2017 17:40

Do you ever ask him WHY he doesn't want you to meet friends? How does he rationalise it to you?

MorrisZapp · 24/08/2017 17:40

What do your friends and family think of this prince?

Ropsleybunny · 24/08/2017 17:41

You feel bad lying, you'd feel bad telling him! You know this is wrong don't you. No one can live like that.

Branleuse · 24/08/2017 17:41

Youll get bored of having to sneak about like a naughty teenager one day

Boredboredboredboredbored · 24/08/2017 17:41

Yabvu staying with somebody who controls your life. Fuck that.

Original poster
Namechangeforthisshame1 · 24/08/2017 17:43

Yes has always been difficult when it comes to me wanting to socialise it's always
Why can't we go together
We should save the money
Too old to go out
Rather be home just us
Etc etc
Maybe I should jus say I'm going out!

OP posts:
Original poster
Namechangeforthisshame1 · 24/08/2017 17:44

Bored bored
Yes it is annoying

OP posts:
Anecdoche · 24/08/2017 17:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Crispbutty · 24/08/2017 17:45

I've been in this situation. It is miserable and it will only get worse. I finally found my voice and my confidence and started to go out. He upped his sulking and verbal abuse to physical.

Get out now.

In the meantime be very careful as it's easy for people to mention to him that they saw you, or something will be posted on Facebook.

Is it really really worth staying with someone who treats you this badly?

itsbetterthanabox · 24/08/2017 17:46

What's his reason for not liking you going out??

Shakey15000 · 24/08/2017 17:47

There is no AIBU is there? As this is-

A/ Usual for you
B/ Acceptable for you to live life like this

And you don't need telling otherwise Confused

Enjoy your evening.

AlternativeTentacle · 24/08/2017 17:48

If I told him now that I'm planning to meet friends at the pub he would sulk and make me feel bad

Yes, that is abusive behaviour. It is part of the cycle of abuse, meant to isolate you from your social network so that once you are fully isolated, he can ramp up the abuse.

Does that help?

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 24/08/2017 17:49

So what do you want us to do?

I dont mean for that to sound bad, but what are you expecting from this thread?

Are you posting because you want help?

MumsOnCrack · 24/08/2017 17:50

If you have to lie to live your life as you wish then that is a massive red flag. I once went out with someone so controlling that he booked a weekend to paris so I couldn't go out with my friends on the Saturday night. It's fucking ridiculous that you feel you have to lie. Tell him you lied and tell him why and then tell him you're going out and it's tough if he doesn't like it. You are a free person.

MumsOnCrack · 24/08/2017 17:51

I.e. Tell him you lied because you knew he would do A, B and C. And that you won't tolerate it any longer.

Craigie · 24/08/2017 17:52

You are not in a relationship if you let him control you. You are his chattel.

Papafran · 24/08/2017 17:52

I don't new posters yelling at me to leave him as I'm happy in my relationship I just have to lie a few times a year to go out. AIBU

Sounds lovely. I can see why you are so happy with him. Hmm

Wilberforce42 · 24/08/2017 17:54

It is normal to want to go out with friends - keep telling him this and go. Ignore the sulking afterwards. He will soon get bored of the lack of response.

newmobile · 24/08/2017 17:54

stand up for yourself can't believe it 2017 and I am reading this ! please

Shoxfordian · 24/08/2017 17:55

If you're happy to accept this controlling behaviour then that's your decision but it's not normal and it's not anything I would ever put up with

Know you don't want to hear it but ltb

Brittbugs80 · 24/08/2017 17:56

You sound like your scared of him. Does this mean your family are lying for you too, what if he asks them about the night out?

Please know that this isn't normal and that his sulking behaviour is his and what he chooses nothing to do with you.

tillytown · 24/08/2017 17:57

You clearly aren't happy in your relationship if you have to lie to be allowed to leave the house without him throwing a tantrum

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/08/2017 17:57

I don't have to lie to get some free time, no. This isn't normal. But I think that's something you know already. Idk what your looking for tbh.

IAmBreakmasterCylinder · 24/08/2017 17:57

You seem resigned to this situation.

You say you feel bad about lying so which makes you feel worse? Lying or having him sulk?

The thing is, if he catches you lying he's got the advantage and it makes you look bad.

I know you say you don't want to be told but this in no way represents a healthy loving relationship.

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/08/2017 17:58

you're