She made my wedding hell, now it's her wedding...

[NoNameNoGame]

So a few years ago I got married and my (Not So Darling) Sister literally made me feel like crap during the run up to my wedding and on my actual wedding day.

Reason being that DH's brother was her ex and cheated on her and is now married to this girl with kids. My NSDS would say stuff like I don't care about your wedding, your loyalty should like with me, I can't help it if I need to cry at your wedding and will go in the toilets. She never attended my engagement or my hen. She sat there on my wedding day with a face on her, to the point where people were commenting as to why she looks so miserable.

We didn't talk for about 3 years until 1.5 years ago she apologised (she was forced to) and it was very half hearted. Things are around 80% normal now.

She is getting married in 6 weeks, and all she seems to go on is about her wedding and how she is doing this and having that... Now I'm not a nasty person and would never wish anybody to have an awful wedding no matter what the situation was, I would keep my thoughts to myself and wish them nothing but the best on the best day of their life. But half of me feels so upset that I was robbed of enjoying the run up to the wedding and the actual day itself. I used to literally cry everyday and have panic attacks and have developed anxiety as a result. She is now making all these demand of outfits we should wear, and how we walk up the aisle. And all I can think about is how she ruined my perfect day and has no shame or remorse about what she said and did to me.

If I say anything it could trigger another huge argument and make my anxiety even worse. Plus I wouldn't want to ruin her wedding day and also make myself look like a fool. There have been times I have had to bite my tongue from making remarks. I am really dreading the wedding.

AIBU to think like this?...

I would have rearranged my wedding if my husbands brother had cheated on my sister. I would have been on my sisters side for sure.

Do what she wants for her wedding and be friends again. That way you'll both be happy.

I agree with giantpurplepeopleeater
And MrsCropley.

@FaveNumberis2

I never said that the OP shouldn't have invited her DH's brother, or cancel the wedding.

Just show a bit of consideration for how hard it would have been for her sister.

Given that she's also kicked off about her sister not attending the engagement party, it doesn't sound like she could have won either way - it sounds as if the OP put pressure on her to attend and if she'd decided not to then it would equally have 'ruined the OP's perfect day'

It's up to you whether your attend OP, but given that you and your sister didn't even speak for three years you obviously aren't that close nowadays and she may not be all that bothered if you don't attend so you won't really be ruining her wedding day and getting the revenge you would like. Your parents will probably be more upset than anyone else.

I personally can't get why what your sister did at your wedding 5 years ago is still a thing that bothers you now. Ok she was a drama queen, though with some excuse it has to be said, but it seems both your lives have moved on and you're in happy relationships now.

So why are you still bitching about the past, OP???

The problem here is that you have never seem to get on with your sister. When you were arranging for your wedding you cared for nothing and nobody else. Your sister was straightforward about how she felt the whole time so when she was sulking at your wedding you shouldn't have been surprised, you could have at any time uninvited the brother to the evening party and just have him and him only attending the ceremony. He treated someone from your own family with utter contempt and disrespect and he was quite happy to turn up and party in your sister's face and yours, with his new wife of course. You stole the little chance your sister had to make him pay a little for what he did. But even with all that your sister was made to apologise to you 3 years after, when no doubt she was expecting an apology from you. So she has been already the big girl in all this. Little she knows that you hold a grudge no matter what after all these years... my advice? Sort it out before the wedding, try to see where you went wrong too and leave everything in the past. Wish your sister happiness at least

I think it would be a trigger for you, so do not go x

I would really struggle to forgive someone who cheated on my sister and never, in a million years, invite the OW to my wedding. But I actually like my sister.

It wasn't just your sister who behaved badly, OP, and perhaps if you have recognised your own fault her apology would have been more genuine.

I know if it was my family and I didn't go, I would be the bad guy forever more. I think sisterhood had the right idea and this one, everything this one said :-)
TalkinBoutNuthin Thu 24-Aug-17 12:07:08
I don't agree, you should attend, but..... don't join in with the nonsense.

Don't get guilt tripped into any of her demands. Go as a guest, wear what you want. I take it you are a bridesmaid,, tell her you wont' be able to be her bridesmaid if she continues wanting all these things, but that you won't be the least bit offended if she finds someone else instead.

hi.am bit late to this one..have only read through this(first page)responses as yet..so could be more details from op may be helpul...off top of my head tho.am afraid id say you are being sorta unreasonable. Your sis had just discovered DH bro was cheating on her. ...//could be she was actually upset/gutted/heartbroken?....I in no way think that gave her the right to wet blanket your happiness far less your wedding day. you'll no best I guess..but I imagine it'd be sorta tough going..if dh family all knew what happened too...perhaps it would have been fairer for her not to go..as didn't go to hen do/engagement perhaps she felt obliged to do the big gig?? //unless is typical of her..things is...thing is..the way it reads OP youre mirroring the behaviour you hated...ITs her wedding,her day..your choice how or if you are involved in it..presume if dressing\walking specific your team bridesmaid?..........I don't mean to sound unsympathetic or her-sided.but from my limited(to op)details/info...my best shot would be...........you cant go back the way,neither can anyone else. cant change other people so-if youre not gonna write them out your book,change how you deal with them. ..life's short / dunno what could be round corner. -...sounds brutal but...hugggg it out. !!!!!!!! ...perhaps?

"Do you seriously imagine that I want to attend your wedding after you did your level best to spoil mine? I would sooner eat my own left leg. I will send you a card and a present, and you had better hope I don't get drunk on the day wherever I am and call the fire brigade or the police to your reception or something....."

She chose not to attend your engagement party or hen because BIL & OW (now MrsBIL) would be there. How upset do you think that may have made her feel to think she had to chose not to go rather than face them? She probably thinks you don't give a shiny shit about her feelings.

Normally if some wanker cheats on you, you can go NC and never have to suffer through seeing them or the person they cheated with at all.

Not for your poor sister. You expect her to be polite and attend while you play happy families with someone who shat on her from a great height.

She did the expected thing and came to your wedding when it was clearly the last place on earth she would want to be. Seeing him there with OW watching you get married.

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