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Original poster

About Christmas Day (yes I know it's early)...

164 replies

PoppyH56 · 22/08/2017 22:59

This is me thinking very early on but I need some advice as MIL seems to think August is a great time to bring up Christmas Day and the plans for it.
Me and OH currently live in seperate houses, however have recently bought a house as we are expecting a baby in 6 weeks so will be living together very soon. My OH lived at home with other siblings, who have moved out this year so MIL/FIL now live just them two. I also have siblings who still live at home with my DM/DF.
In our relationship so far we have always spent xmas eve night at our own houses, woken up in the morning seperately to do presents and dinner with our families. I would then go to my OH's around 7 and spend my evening there. We'd then wake up, and come back to mine to spend Boxing Day lunch at mine.
Obviously this year it's a bit different as we will have a 3 month old baby and I know everyone is excited and looking forward to it therefore all want the baby at theirs for most of the day. 😬

MIL has been in touch with OH yesterday to say "I know it's early but you will be having xmas dinner here with the baby, won't you?" I really do like my MIL (don't get me wrong) but she is very heavily involved in all aspects of our lives and it can become a bit frustrating. He has said yes (without speaking to me first) even though we haven't planned our day yet.

Can people who have a child and their own house please tell me how they organise their xmas day? I know it's early and it seems crazy petty but obviously the topic is coming up already and I don't want people to think one thing if another is going to happen. I also don't really want to not have Christmas lunch with my family either as this is what I have always done and would prefer, probably the same with my OH with his family. I also don't want us to spend any of the day apart as would love our first Christmas to be altogether as a family and not split up to keep either side happy.

God this all sounds so silly when you write it down but I know it will end up being such a big thing. Grin any tips?

OP posts:
Original poster
PoppyH56 · 22/08/2017 22:59

The option for having Christmas Day at ours is out of the question as our new house is tiny and no dining room also.

OP posts:
IncyWincyGrownUp · 22/08/2017 23:05

I go nowhere on Christmas Day.

It is an option for you, if you lower your expectations.

Your other half needs to tell his mother he can't speak for you, and he'll get back to her.

Do not be guilt tripped, as if you start this you'll feel coerced into continuing a theme.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 22/08/2017 23:06

We rotated :

Year 1: Xmas with DPs, Boxing with ILS, NYD @ home
Year 2: Xmas @ Home, Boxing with DPs, NYD with ILS
Year 3: Xmas @ ILs, etc etc

We all lived in close proximity, all got on so it was no effort for each of us to drive to each others houses, all 3 families spent each day together. Siblings were at that time unmarried so just moved along with their set of parents.

Tell MIL you will be spending xmas at home and you will see them in the evening/Boxing Day/27th or what ever suits.

ChestOfDrawers · 22/08/2017 23:06

Put it off and wait until baby is here to make the decision!

travis45 · 22/08/2017 23:08

We have always took it in turns, one year at inlaws, one year at my mothers, parents at ours, out altogether and so on, ha.

This year, we were going to look at going out just me, husband and kids but might change as we will have new baby. 🙂

Nocabbageinmyeye · 22/08/2017 23:08

We stay at home for dinner, head out in the morning and visit both sets of parents and then home for dinner alone with the kids, glass of wine, fire, board games etc. I would say you should either do similar or rotate for a few years until the baby is older and then do your own thing. If you do rotate then let mil go first while baby is small and boring, then next year you can go to your family when baby will be a toddler and fun Wink that said you need to talk to your do about agreeing to things without discussing first

Peaches77 · 22/08/2017 23:08

Well the stubborn side of me would say no actually I will be spending Christmas with my baby and my parents...because I don't like people trying to plan things for me without asking me first!

You could split it by;

Christmas morning presents etc with one set

Christmas lunch with other set

Christmas evening with first set or alone

CotswoldStrife · 22/08/2017 23:08

I would stay in with the baby, relatives can visit (not necessarily for a meal if you are short of space) but let them do the running around for a change.

It's time to start your own family traditions.

GreenTulips · 22/08/2017 23:11

We always did Christmas lunch at one and tea at another - then you get Boxing Day to chill!! Swap the following year.

Then the kids much preferred being at home so we stayed home - Christmas Eve with one set and boxing day with the other -

Your choice but your DH should've asked you first

OddestSock · 22/08/2017 23:13

We've always spent Christmas Day at home since having the children. My parents live too far away for it to be a consideration (& my mum understands the children want to be in their own home with their own toys anyway). My inlaws usually come over for a few hours in the afternoon.

MayhemandMadness01 · 22/08/2017 23:14

Everyone comes to us and I cook. Dont mind it as I get to start on Bucks Fizz around 10.30, move to wine around 1ish and finish with tia maria around 8. Being slightly pissed merry makes it all bearable otherwise I'd have to drive if we went anywhere else and my lot are much easier to take for any length of time if alcohol is involved.

Original poster
PoppyH56 · 22/08/2017 23:15

Mayhem and madness, I wish I could do that but our new house will be far too small as we have no dining room, annoyingly. Sad

OP posts:
honeysucklejasmine · 22/08/2017 23:15

Last year (first with baby) we went to my parents, but that was easy because ILs were away. This year we'll have 2 DC so are staying at home. ILs are coming to us (yay Hmm ) but not sure when or how long for.

gobster · 22/08/2017 23:18

Part of me would be pissed off about the MIL asking in August to get in first and bagsy the baby at hers!

But do whatever works for you!

Although if they are easy to get to someone else doing all the food prep sounds like a winner. You can have Xmas morning your little family head to in laws for lunch and your family either for Xmas eve or Boxing Day?

Lucyandpoppy · 22/08/2017 23:20

When I was with DP it was Christmas Day at ours, Boxing Day at his families

ohtheholidays · 22/08/2017 23:24

Always Christmas Day at ours,I loved my parents dearly and I love DH's parents but Christmas Day is for us and our DC to spend together.

We have 5DC and we'd never make demands on our DC's time when they have they're own DC,if they want to see us great if they don't then thats fine to.

NormHonal · 22/08/2017 23:25

First Christmas in your new home and new baby = spend at least the morning at your house alone, just the 3 of you. All day if needed/wanted....but you won't know how you will feel until after the baby arrives. You have the PERFECT excuse to opt-out.

Christmas in your own home slowing out in pyjamas is to be recommended with a new baby. This is what we did with DC2.

FWIW: We spent first Christmas with DC1 at ILs as my DPs cunningly realised that the second Christmas (once DC1 was a bit older) would be more fun and consented to ILs having the first Christmas. They were right! First Christmas with a baby at ILs, away from home, was bloody hard work and of course DC1 didn't have a clue what was going on, routine (such as it was) got totally fucked up and neither of us got much sleep.

We'd have been better off alone in pyjamas, drinking/napping when we wanted. Which is what we did with DC2.

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/08/2017 23:25

You may decide you want to do it just the two of you seeing as it's your first year in your new home with your baby. She really shouldn't have asked this. But she did. And your dp needs a kick up his arse.

CreamCheeseBrownies · 22/08/2017 23:26

We used to take it in turns to visit each side but as the children grew I got frustrated with having to tear them away from their toys every christmas morning and dealing with carsickness, so we started hosting and saying anyone who wants can come. Don't expect your parents and ILs to take it lying down but I think it's a natural part of growing up. Of course you can compromise and rotate but you can't be in 2 places at once, so you will at some point need to either host, or accept that you will only eat with your side every other year. Or possibly both.

My DD was born in Dec so I pulled rank and decided we'd go to my mum's rather than ILs that year, as it was too early for me to feed discreetly and I was still dealing with stitches etc. At 3 months I don't think this would apply tbh, but I would recommend flipping a coin or something rather than going with who asked first. Whoever you don't see, see on Boxing Day, and accept that's almost the same, then swap next year.

You really don't need much space to host. People squeeze in for a meal. We once hosted an early christmas dinner for 24 in a 3 bed student house with just a galley kitchen and small living room. It required someone cooking the turkey in a different house and driving it over, but that was all part of the fun.

Ceto · 22/08/2017 23:26

Once we had treatment we made it a rule that we were going nowhere on Christmas Day: we knew too many people who ruined their Christmases flogging up and down motorways with protesting children in the back of the car, simply in a vain attempt to keep their relatives happy. We usually see one lot on Christmas Eve and the others on or shortly after Boxing Day. It's all worked very well and in fact our respective siblings have decided to do the same.

redsquirrel2 · 22/08/2017 23:27

Have it just the 3 of you. That's what we did when we had our first (he was 3 months old too) and it was lovely. I'd expressed milk in advance so I could have a little drinky! Baby had no idea it was Christmas though... And he decided to start sleeping through just after Christmas whereas before would've been nice...

2017SoFarSoGood · 22/08/2017 23:28

DIL's family celebrate on Christmas Eve, we do Christmas Day, so we have each been very lucky to see the DGC's every year. Perhaps you could suggest that? If Boxing Day was a holiday here that would be an ever better option.

GreenShadow · 22/08/2017 23:28

We don't like locally to our parents but the parents (coincidentally) live quite close to each other.

We therefore used to go down Christmas Eve and stay with one family but then spend most of actually Christmas Day with the other one.

Next year it would be the other way round.

Children are older now, so we stay at home and people come to us.

thatdearoctopus · 22/08/2017 23:29

Your dp was bang out-of-line telling his mum that you would eat there without having consulted you. He needs to take that back asap and tell her you're not making any promises about anything to do with Christmas until the baby is safely here.

Plainlycrackers · 22/08/2017 23:34

Oh god the eternal Christmas juggle and keeping everyone happy... tbh it started to ruin Christmas for me... in your shoes and with the benefit of hindsight I would simply say, "good grief we can't possibly make a decision about anything so far ahead" & then say nothing more until you are ready to think about it Accept that someone always has their nose out of joint and don't put yourself last all the time to try to avoid this! Remember you can't please all of the people all of the time... but whichever GM ends up on the short end of things this year, remind her that babies at Christmas are much more interesting when they are able to sit up and help open their presents so they get the better deal by getting the second ChristmasWink. #familypolitics 🙄

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