About Christmas Day (yes I know it's early)...

[PoppyH56]

This is me thinking very early on but I need some advice as MIL seems to think August is a great time to bring up Christmas Day and the plans for it.
Me and OH currently live in seperate houses, however have recently bought a house as we are expecting a baby in 6 weeks so will be living together very soon. My OH lived at home with other siblings, who have moved out this year so MIL/FIL now live just them two. I also have siblings who still live at home with my DM/DF.
In our relationship so far we have always spent xmas eve night at our own houses, woken up in the morning seperately to do presents and dinner with our families. I would then go to my OH's around 7 and spend my evening there. We'd then wake up, and come back to mine to spend Boxing Day lunch at mine.
Obviously this year it's a bit different as we will have a 3 month old baby and I know everyone is excited and looking forward to it therefore all want the baby at theirs for most of the day. 😬

MIL has been in touch with OH yesterday to say "I know it's early but you will be having xmas dinner here with the baby, won't you?" I really do like my MIL (don't get me wrong) but she is very heavily involved in all aspects of our lives and it can become a bit frustrating. He has said yes (without speaking to me first) even though we haven't planned our day yet.

Can people who have a child and their own house please tell me how they organise their xmas day? I know it's early and it seems crazy petty but obviously the topic is coming up already and I don't want people to think one thing if another is going to happen. I also don't really want to not have Christmas lunch with my family either as this is what I have always done and would prefer, probably the same with my OH with his family. I also don't want us to spend any of the day apart as would love our first Christmas to be altogether as a family and not split up to keep either side happy.

God this all sounds so silly when you write it down but I know it will end up being such a big thing. any tips?

I'm glad showofhands posted what she did, she is right.

it sounds like you generally enjoy christmas with your families, both of you, why wouldn't you want to continue seeing them at Christmas? If you're used to big family christmases, like I am, the thought of spending them at home with no extended family isn't something i'd want. Anyway.

I also think it's unfair to tell MIL you'll decide later. it's obviously important to her and she's starting to think about Christmas, who to invite, what to do, cook etc. Maybe she's had an invite from someone else but really wants to spend it with her new grandchild? She has a life (and Christmas) to plan too.
Speak to your OH and decide how you're going to play it. Lots of options - split the day, alternate Christmases, boxing day/christmas day etc etc.

I know it's your baby and your family, but you're lucky (and the baby is too) to have a big extended loving family to be part of.

We've never been to my in-laws for Christmas and I feel very guilty about it but it's not going to be an option now we have our son (I am due to give birth around Christmas and there's no way we're doing a 4 hour round trip on Christmas Day 9 months pregnant!). We live in another city and have invited to ours on several occasions but in the words of FIL "I like to stay in my own home". So last year we stayed over at theirs on Christmas Eve with the baby and did breakfast and Christmas morning with them. We then went for Christmas dinner at my mums house. Boxing Day is a big family get-together with all the in-laws so we did that too. His grandma also arranges a big family Christmas meal in early December which we always go to too, so actually the inlaws probably see us more than my parents!
This year my parents are moving to within 20 minutes of where we live so we are going to theirs for Christmas dinner after presents etc in our own house. I suspect this will be the tradition from now on with Boxing Day with the in laws. Could you ALL go out for Christmas Day lunch?

Excellent post by ShowofHands

Tell everyone Xmas day is just you, oh and dbaby this year.

Do an 'open house' on Xmas eve, my grandmother used to do that (she liked Xmas alone) she'd put out some buffet food and people would drop in with presents or just to see her.

It means MIL can dress your dbaby up in the outfit she has no doubt bought and you can do the obligatory photo, then the same with your family.

I bought a holiday house on a small island. We spend every Christmas on our own (my son and myself) at our holiday house. It is absolute bliss. We get up on Christmas morning, go for a swim at the beach, come home and have breakfast and open presents, play with presents, have lunch, afternoon nap, late afternoon swim at the beach, curl up on the sofa and watch a movie together. It is so peaceful now, and we have the good excuse that we will be 'away' so can't go to any family events.

Midnite

I won't be buying any presents this year as I will be saving up for my own holiday house on a small island

We always went to mine Christmas day before we split as he had to choose between his mum and dad and found it easier to just go to mine. However i think what is fair is either to alternate between the two or get them to come to you.

banyan, me too! I'd say let's time share, but there'd only be an ugly scene over who gets Christmas!

For the sake of my own sanity, we split the day straight down the middle. Morning at home, Christmas lunch at my parents, Christmas tea at his parents. Everyone gets seen then and I get a quiet life.

Spend the whole day in your new home, have both sets of grandparents drop in for present exchange at different times for an hour or so, dinner just the 3 of you. I understand getting together at Christmas is nice but don't start setting early precedents. Next year you can do something different again.

why are you all telling her to have Christmas day just the 3 of them

from the OP
we have always spent xmas eve night at our own houses, woken up in the morning seperately to do presents and dinner with our families. I would then go to my OH's around 7 and spend my evening there. We'd then wake up, and come back to mine to spend Boxing Day lunch at mine.
and
I also don't really want to not have Christmas lunch with my family either as this is what I have always done and would prefer, probably the same with my OH with his family

Suggest Christmas Eve with one set and Boxing Day with the other, with Christmas Day just the three of you at home.

Definitely tell your husband to tell his Mum SOON that he shouldn't have agreed anything without speaking to you first!

We always have everyone who is in the country in the same house for all Christmas events (but we have a maximum of 10 family)

My rule is that DS spends Christmas eve in his own bed. So when we lived near in laws we spend Christmas afternoon and evening with them. Travelling to my parents for a few days after. Now we live in my home city, so we spend Christmas eve afternoon/evening with my parents. Have the later evening and night at home. Christmas morning toys and special breakfast at home. Then my parents visit briefly so DS can show off his haul. We go for a dog walk together (weather permitting), then have dinner with my parents and all go to my nana's for tea. I go visit in laws in the days after Christmas, maybe the 28th and 29th so I can relax and drink on Christmas eve and not have to drive on the motorway the next day. This works out fine as MIL died when DS was 1, FIL doesn't care what days we visit, "D"H and I are separated and it's nice for DS and DN&N to have something big and fun to look forward to a few days after the Big Day.

I love being with extended family over Christmas and couldn't think of anything more boring and shit than a day by ourselves with me doing all the cooking. In fact I organise Christmas to involve as little work as possible. I spend Christmas eve morning baking savoury and sweet pastries for our breakfast on Christmas morning, so all I have to do is make coffee and hot chocolate on Christmas morning. Then a teensy bit of washing up. Obviously I help my mum on Christmas day, but again, we try to do as much prep as possible the day before. The day is basically one celebration after another until DS finally falls asleep and then I stick an extra large slug of Baileys in my hot chocolate and watch whatever Christmas special I've been most looking forward to.