About Christmas Day (yes I know it's early)...

[PoppyH56]

This is me thinking very early on but I need some advice as MIL seems to think August is a great time to bring up Christmas Day and the plans for it.
Me and OH currently live in seperate houses, however have recently bought a house as we are expecting a baby in 6 weeks so will be living together very soon. My OH lived at home with other siblings, who have moved out this year so MIL/FIL now live just them two. I also have siblings who still live at home with my DM/DF.
In our relationship so far we have always spent xmas eve night at our own houses, woken up in the morning seperately to do presents and dinner with our families. I would then go to my OH's around 7 and spend my evening there. We'd then wake up, and come back to mine to spend Boxing Day lunch at mine.
Obviously this year it's a bit different as we will have a 3 month old baby and I know everyone is excited and looking forward to it therefore all want the baby at theirs for most of the day. 😬

MIL has been in touch with OH yesterday to say "I know it's early but you will be having xmas dinner here with the baby, won't you?" I really do like my MIL (don't get me wrong) but she is very heavily involved in all aspects of our lives and it can become a bit frustrating. He has said yes (without speaking to me first) even though we haven't planned our day yet.

Can people who have a child and their own house please tell me how they organise their xmas day? I know it's early and it seems crazy petty but obviously the topic is coming up already and I don't want people to think one thing if another is going to happen. I also don't really want to not have Christmas lunch with my family either as this is what I have always done and would prefer, probably the same with my OH with his family. I also don't want us to spend any of the day apart as would love our first Christmas to be altogether as a family and not split up to keep either side happy.

God this all sounds so silly when you write it down but I know it will end up being such a big thing. any tips?

Also, if you volunteer to have lunch at in laws this year, you have a huge moral victory and get to do what you want next year!

We wake up at home on xmas morning and open gifts from Father Christmas, have breakfast walk the dog around 11am we go to my husbands family to open gifts off them and have a few drinks usually leave about 1pm then set off to my parents have late lunch and more gifts with them and stay until around 9pm. It's a hassle as I do all the driving, kids don't get to enjoy their gifts and I feel I'm stuck in a car or walking the dog (he comes with us to each house) and I don't get to enjoy my children. It's lovely that I don't have to cook but I'd love to have it at home all quiet and cosy!

I am in a similar position to you Op with us also having a new baby in the mix. Luckily for me, my OH has already said he wants to spend it at our house. I remember my step sister one year having to drag her two young children all round the houses on xmas day, they came to ours (so her dads) at 7pm, the kids were so tired and miserable and she was on the edge of tears. I vowed never to do that there and then and said to myself when I have children il be at my own house and if you want to see us then you visit us.

We are always at home on Christmas Day. My parents were divorced and my childhood Christmases were just a rush from pillar to post trying to squeeze everyone in; I don't want that for my DC nor can I be bothered rushing around, so Christmas Day is just for our family. We see my mum, my dad, and FIL on separate days over the Christmas week, usually. My DC enjoy this as they basically get four Christmases

I think the trick is not to see it as just one day and encourage both of your families to do the same. When DD was little, she got totally overwhelmed by present opening so it worked well that it was spread over Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day with different people.

It is so hard to please everyone. I'm an only, so my family is fairly clear cut and no siblings and their partners and families to consider, but DH's side have my step FIL's family to consider including elderly parents, his siblings and his adult children plus their partners. His children also need to factor in seeing their own mum so its hard to get into a 'one year here, next year there' type of routine. We just play it by ear. The last few years, I've hosted Christmas Day and just put it out there that whoever wants to come is welcome and we catch up with everyone else at some other point.

You don't need to host dinner if you don't have the space but you could do drinks and nibbles or a bit of a buffet on Christmas Eve/Boxing Day?

(FWIW as children get older they are a) more exciting at Christmas and b) find Christmas Eve the most exciting day so let your MIL focus on this first Christmas if she wants to but be assured there are lots more opportunities for excitement ahead! You might be grateful after many sleepless nights to arrive at MILs, let the baby ve passed round all day while you have a few drinks and a nice meal prepared for you, then go home?)

We have had Fil Bil and Sil round for Christmas lunch the last 5 years, but not this year. They never interacted with DS nor helped around the house. This year they have been particularly cunty awful and i haven't seen any of them since February. DH is in full agreement not to havebthem over this year, in fact he suggested it last month. "They can bugger off if they think they're coming to ours for Christmas" are his exact words. Love that man.

My own DM ruined DS' first Christmas, he was 2 weeks old. We don't live in the UK, she does, she hasn't been invited back. She makes a great show of pointing out she has invited herself to DBro's for 3 weeks over Christmas, he's over in NZ. "Oh how lovely. Have a nice trip" is all i say.

So this year we are 3 plus dog and i cannot wait. Face stuffing, walking the dog on the beach, lazy present opening, eating what we want when we want it. Bliss.

Hope it goes well OP.

I hated the stage before XH and i had kids as we were expected to spend the whole sodding xmas day driving about visiting.

The year i had DC1 that stopped and i've been no where on xmas day ever since! Stay home and enjoy the day. They can all come to your for an hour or two if it's so madly important to them to see you on the day.

We alternate each year, Christmas Day with one side of the family and Boxing Day with the other, vice versa next year. It is the only way to avoid someone being upset and everyone knows where they stand.

This year is our first with our new baby (3 weeks old) and we will be with my parents in law. Deep down I'd like to be with my side of the family but next year he will be 18 months old and much more aware so I'm sure it will actually be better in the long run.

I too get asked in Aug. It's really annoying. I hate the pressure.

This year my answer is that I haven't decided what we are doing yet. I haven't decided and I will when I am good and ready. Everyone else can sort out their own Christmas for a change instead of waiting to see what we are doing and revolving their whole Christmas around that. I want to spend Christmas in my pyjamas overdosing on After Eights and don't want the pressure of worrying about what everyone else is doing and if they are having a great Christmas.

He has said yes (without speaking to me first) even though we haven't planned our day yet

That's not on.

Sorry not rtft

Have you spoken to your partners siblings? Are they planning on going back? Assume yours is the first child?

Il's only have DH, me and DS so fort year we went to them (pre baby) but once we had him I wanted to be home. We'd spent 7 months in and it of hospital. I was having Christmas day at home. IL's came to us. Last year DS fell asleep at the table so napped lunch out on the sofa haha. This year it will be at mine too. We'll go over a day in the week for lunch.

Re seeing my family, DF picks us up and takes us to DS for an hour.

You don't need a dining room, you need a table that sits 4.

Also second what PPs have said about spending at least part of the day in your own home as a new family of 3. It's nice to have your own memories and traditions as well as spending the day with wider family.

Have to say though is opt out of cooking with a 3 month old and save yourself the mess whoever you go to.
Lunch with one, dinner with another, early night. Review ne t year

My family is in Ireland. DH's is about an hour and a half's drive from us. We normally alternate families; DH's and mine. We started doing that when we got engaged.

This year will be different, as it's my family's 'turn', but I'll be too pregnant to travel to Ireland for it. We were at DH's parents' last year. I think this year, I might say we'll just have Christmas Day at home and if people want to visit in the morning / early afternoon that's fine. I'll provide drinks and nice nibbles. I'm not hosting the whole family for dinner as we don't have room. We invited my dad but don't think he'll be able to come due to elderly granny being left alone in Ireland.

Me and my boyfriend always had separate christmases until we had our son. First Christmas we did spend at his mums, but that was only because we lived there. Once we got our own place, we have always had Christmas just the three of us. This year, we will have a two week old baby, and will most definitely be staying at home. I grew up always spending Christmas Day at home with just my family. And I want the same for my children. Travelling about is rubbish on xmas day. I noticed with my niece, she would be ferried about all day, and wouldn't get to play with her new toys, and would be shattered by the end of the travelling around.

I had two christmases with new babies born in he three minths before Christmas. I promise you you won't want to be running around town with your newborn. Why don't you wake up in your own home. Have one sigmificant meal with one family another with the other over the 3 day period? When my pfb was tiny we had a big family meal with IL on Christmas Eve,stayed home in the day and spent box day without my family. Would that work? If not what is it you both WANT to do. I would avoid any type of set pattern and take each year as it comes! Things change when you have more children too.

Doh fat fingers! With my family not without...

Christmas day messes with my head. 13 years married and we haven't solved it yet. We've alternated years between families (mine xmas day, his boxing day, reverse the following year) but this involves driving several hundred miles over 3 days which isn't much fun. Now DD is old enough to have a view we make that our priority. Which doesn't make us popular but feels right to us. can't wait to start negotiations for this year...

We have insisted that Christmas Day will be at our house until our children are older (DD 3 years and DS 4 months). In laws and my parents are welcome to come to us but I don't think it is fair to expect young children to spend most of the day travelling or away from their new presents.

We set the precendent of having Christmas day with just us from the start, and visit other family around the day.
With a small baby you can claim that you don't know how you be with feeding etc. and you'd just like to have a quiet Christmas without too many demands, and that you will visit as you feel able. But can't make any firm commitments until the baby is here.

Use that to quickly counter your DHs reflex answer. Even do a tinkly laugh "He spoke without thinking about just how much we can't make plans with the baby not even here yet."

ShowOfHands just brought a tear to my eye. Well said. And it's for those very reasons that I tolerate my MIL's 'quirks' as she loves my baby more than her own son!

Put you and OH first. You'll have an infant.
Your rules.

Before we had DD me and OH always had the morning together, then went to our own parents for lunch. He would then come to my family for the late afternoon evening on Christmas Day, and the next day we'd do the same except I'd go to his family for the evening.

The year I was heavily pregnant over Xmas DSis insisted on hosting and OHs parents said they were going there. Basically OH wouldn't have got to see his family at all if we hadn't gone, so we trekked over an hour and a halfs drive there and back on the day. I couldn't drive (belly too big and legs too short at that point!) so OH couldn't drink (not that he'd have been on a session anyway, but still) and it really annoyed me. Wouldn't have usually, was just the heavy handed way they all basically decided for us - they knew OH would want to see his family, if he wanted to do that we had no choice.

So I put my foot down after that - I agreed to go that day even though I really wanted to be close to home (our parents are all super local) but that we'd rotate each year between his family and mine until such time that we wanted to stay home and we wouldn't be going elsewhere unless we really wanted to.

So last year when we had DD, we spent the morning at home with his parents popping in to see DD and the rest of the day with my family, and Boxing Day with his family at his parents. This year, we'll do it the other way round. I've already said to MIL that we're available to spend Xmas day with them if they like this year, but not Boxing Day. If they choose to do something different or go elsewhere that's absolutely fine - we'll stay home or see my family for two days instead of one.

It's a hard balance but once you have kids you have to do what's right for your little family unit, and if others don't like it then tough. We just tried to find the fairest way, while still getting a day that we'd hopefully enjoy without stressing about who was where and when. Rotate each year, no messing about!