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Original poster

About Christmas Day (yes I know it's early)...

164 replies

PoppyH56 · 22/08/2017 22:59

This is me thinking very early on but I need some advice as MIL seems to think August is a great time to bring up Christmas Day and the plans for it.
Me and OH currently live in seperate houses, however have recently bought a house as we are expecting a baby in 6 weeks so will be living together very soon. My OH lived at home with other siblings, who have moved out this year so MIL/FIL now live just them two. I also have siblings who still live at home with my DM/DF.
In our relationship so far we have always spent xmas eve night at our own houses, woken up in the morning seperately to do presents and dinner with our families. I would then go to my OH's around 7 and spend my evening there. We'd then wake up, and come back to mine to spend Boxing Day lunch at mine.
Obviously this year it's a bit different as we will have a 3 month old baby and I know everyone is excited and looking forward to it therefore all want the baby at theirs for most of the day. 😬

MIL has been in touch with OH yesterday to say "I know it's early but you will be having xmas dinner here with the baby, won't you?" I really do like my MIL (don't get me wrong) but she is very heavily involved in all aspects of our lives and it can become a bit frustrating. He has said yes (without speaking to me first) even though we haven't planned our day yet.

Can people who have a child and their own house please tell me how they organise their xmas day? I know it's early and it seems crazy petty but obviously the topic is coming up already and I don't want people to think one thing if another is going to happen. I also don't really want to not have Christmas lunch with my family either as this is what I have always done and would prefer, probably the same with my OH with his family. I also don't want us to spend any of the day apart as would love our first Christmas to be altogether as a family and not split up to keep either side happy.

God this all sounds so silly when you write it down but I know it will end up being such a big thing. Grin any tips?

OP posts:
RhinestoneCowgirl · 23/08/2017 07:11

Ever since DH and I moved in together (many years ago) we have had Christmas Day in our own place, then arranged visits around that. My parents are 3 hrs away, DH family around 4 hrs away, so no popping in fur tea unfortunately.

We have fallen into a bit of a pattern recently of hosting MIL every other year, but even that feels a bit too fixed for me - it depresses me when you get into the 'well this is what we've done for 20 years...'.

Things change, so I'm all for tradition, but I reserve the right to adapt in response to changes in family! And having a 3 month baby you're going to be pretty knackered!

furryleopard · 23/08/2017 07:13

We stay at home and my Mum and sister come to us and then we go round the corner to my DBs family for a visit in the early evening then on boxing day we alternate with my DHs brother and have a buffet at either house with MIL. DH family are very spread out. MIL does spend Christmas Day on her own although she's invited to ours and DBs but it is her choice but then their day is really Boxing Day so shes not too bothered.

Your DH should really have discussed it with you. We were much more flexible pre children but since DD came along I feel strongly she should be at home for as much of Christmas as possible as I always was and not just sat in the car on the motorway. Christmas is about DD not her GPs.

geekone · 23/08/2017 07:15

We go no where and invite no one just the three of us in our own little Christmas bubble and it's great.

PoppyPopcorn · 23/08/2017 07:16

There is a separate Christmas topic for this sort of thing so that most of us don't have to be sibjected to thinking about Christmas in fucking AUGUST.

PlumpAndPlain · 23/08/2017 07:16

Our set up pre children was the same as yours (with the added complication of separated parents) - when we had our first, I insisted on staying at home just us.
Over the years this has evolved to one set of my parents visiting on Christmas eve, the other set of my parents visiting on boxing day and DH mum visiting the week before Christmas when it is his birthday.
My mum used to try and guilt me into visiting her instead but I was quite selfish about staying at home and was happy to say that we'd catch up in the new year instead.

MrsGB2225 · 23/08/2017 07:18

We rotate between my parents, ILs and then coming to us. I hate how your MIL phrased the 'question' about Christmas though. It sort of backs your husband into a corner. By saying 'you will be coming won't you' rather than 'What are your plans'
My mum does this all the time and it still traps me Sad

AlternativeTentacle · 23/08/2017 07:19

He has said yes (without speaking to me first) even though we haven't planned our day yet.

You need to knock this on the head right now. He is going to be moving in with you and the new baby; he doesn't get to be the boss of all of you.

Start as you mean to go on. Equal partners. My OH does not plan my diary and would always say 'I'll speak to AT and we will be in touch'.

wannabestressfree · 23/08/2017 07:20

Ba humbug poppy :)

YouCanButImNot · 23/08/2017 07:21

We stay at home for Christmas now we have children and family visit after lunch usually. We'd decided this before first dc came along so it was easy to just tell respective families our plans.

It was decided after we'd been asked to go to ils for xmas lunch and we'd agreed but both me and dh were on 12 hour nights xmas eve (nhs) so wouldn't get to bed until 8.30 xmas day morning. Ils insisted we be at their house by 12 to have lunch for 12.30, so we had less than 3 hours sleep. When we got there it turned out bil and sil wanted to go for a walk in the Peak District after lunch before they went home at 5. That was the only reason. We decided on the drive home that Christmas was ours to spend at home and do as we please!

Berrybakecake1 · 23/08/2017 07:23

Christmas eve (day) last quick clean. From 12 noon quick visit to family and mil. Doors locked by 6pm. Pjs, food and drink and movies.
Christmas day is all ours. Just me, OH and 2 DC's. Has been this way for 14 years apart one year when my mum was having chemotherapy and we invited them here.
Boxing day used to be at mil until dd arrived and mil got a vicious little shit of a dog that I won't go near.
Now she comes here for a few hours. Followed by my mum.
Rest of family we see inbetween Christmas and nyd.

PoppyPopcorn · 23/08/2017 07:23

Ba humbug poppy

ODFOD.

Not everyone loves Christmas. Not everyone wants to think about it in summer. That doesn't make them a "humbug". This is also why there is a dedicated CHristmas topic so people who DO want to talk about it can do so well away from the main boards.

tiredmummy1991 · 23/08/2017 07:23

We have Christmas Day in our house, if people want to come and give presents to the children then they are more than welcome but we don't leave the house, we have it just the 4 of us.

biginjapan · 23/08/2017 07:24

I empathise op. My dm is christmas-zilla.

I have a c-section booked for 7th December and my parents are going to be temporarily living with us and our other 3 dc as their house won't be completed. My db is coming from overseas with his dw and 2 dc and everyone will be staying with us Shock.

I suggested we just go out for Christmas lunch but my dm wants a traditional Christmas at home because my db hasn't been back for over 10 years at Christmas. Even though she is offering to cook I really don't want the hassle. It's a bloody minefield.

Original poster
PoppyH56 · 23/08/2017 07:24

Poppypopcorn, the title does read I know it's early and I also have the subject of the thread in the title. If you don't want to read s post about Christmas that says Christmas in the title, just don't click Hmm

OP posts:
WiIdfire · 23/08/2017 07:25

My side of the family have a fake christmas a week earlier - everyone gets together, has a big roast and pressies etc. Then repeat on actual christmas with OHs family. That worked while the children were small enough not to worry about the date. Now they are older we stay at home and make sure to see people either side of the day.

biginjapan · 23/08/2017 07:25

And poppy - I think if you have very small new babies to add to the mix and think about logistics it's a bit different thinking about Christmas in August. Scroll on by - I wouldn't have seen this if it were in the Christmas topic.

Tumbleweed101 · 23/08/2017 07:26

Could you say you want Xmas at home just three of you and invite both sets parents to yours for drinks/nibbles?

Alternatively invite them all and just have a buffet Xmas lunch. We did that instead of a roast for most years our dc were small as they can just carry on playing and no adult having to cook/clear up.

Original poster
PoppyH56 · 23/08/2017 07:27

OH has been informed that he needs to get in touch today and say we're not sure what our plans are and we will decide nearer the time as we have a lot to factor in and not sure how we are going to be feeling. I've also told him I'm not very impressed with the agreeing before speaking to me and he's agreed and apologised but like a PP said he felt backed into a corner so said what was easiest to not have a struggle but I've told him we need to be more resilient in how we decide to do things now we will have a child. I will not back down Grin

OP posts:
strawberrypenguin · 23/08/2017 07:27

We stay in our own house Christmas Day. We see our parents one before and one after (often Christmas Eve and Boxing Day but not always)

BuggerLumpsAnnoyed · 23/08/2017 07:29

Well we always alternated...first year with a baby though (we've had 2) was spent at my parents. I can't work out if it just worked out that way or we just ended up doing it because I demanded to! Love DHs family but there's a lot of them and it a a bit more chaotic and so with new borns I wanted to be at home.

However, my parents used to live a couple hours away but are now moving to the same street so I think this year 2 Christmas dinners. Will have mum and dad round for presents in the morning. ILs eat early at midday then back to my parents for food around 4. Which is good because we can have a few drinks at mum and dad's as we won't have to drive.

Original poster
PoppyH56 · 23/08/2017 07:31

Biginjapan, in your situation I would definitely push more for the eating out option or if your DH does want to host dinner make sure you say you will be doing NOTHING apart from sitting on that sofa with your precious bundle. Smile 2 and a bit weeks post c section would be hard enough without all of that. Take it easy!! X

OP posts:
overduemamma · 23/08/2017 07:32

Can you not stay at home as a family of 3, get the morning and dinner out of the way then have people come round? Or just have people come round in the morning and have dinner later on? I moved it last year and had my mum and brother round for dinner but this year I've had another baby so she's coming in the morning for presents then off home. I'll probably do something Boxing Day for them x

PoppyPopcorn · 23/08/2017 07:34

If you don't want to read s post about Christmas that says Christmas in the title, just don't click hmm

Or how about if you DO want to post about Christmas, you piss off to the dedicated Christmas topic?

biginjapan · 23/08/2017 07:37

That's the (Christmas) spirit poppy. Perhaps you need a more specific trigger warning than Christmas in the title to help you avoid this trauma in future.

Original poster
PoppyH56 · 23/08/2017 07:38

Poppypopcorn, 😂😂😂 great response

OP posts:
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