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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I've got an hour before I get to my mums. Please peel me off the ceiling before I get there.

414 replies

TippyTinkleTrousers · 22/08/2017 19:50

We have two boys 10 and 6.

The six year old has multiple severe allergies and an immunodeficiency and been out of hospital a lot of his life.

He's anaphylactic to dairy, egg, banana, nuts, shell fish with a moderate allergy to wheat, soya, pollen, animal dander and more.

He sees a specialist in London Eva Lina and they test him annually. The allergies are getting worse but we are aware and in control of them.

He's never stayed away from us ever.
When we go somewhere I provide all food for him to make life easier for everyone. Mainly him!

Last night he stayed at my mums because I'm on a placement. I provided all food, said he just eats that.

She called me and asked if he could have lemonade. I say yes as long as the ingredients are just water sugar etc and no allergens.

She called me later and said "Can he have Rowntrees Ice Cream?"

I said "you don't mean ice cream do you? You most mean ice lollies, just the fruit juice."

She said "yes ice lollies."

2 hours later she calls me to tell me it was 63% skimmed milk powder in it and he's fine.

Doctors have specifically told us to totally avoid milk because we tried a baked milk challenge gave him baked milk and he had crippling stomach ache and dihorreha the next day for hours it was horrible.

We are now flooring it down the motorway telling her to give him antihistamines, it will take an hour to get there.

I was angry very very angry (though didn't shout at her I had to be calm and tell her what to do in case he started reacting) but now I'm sick with worry.

I mean this is fucking life or death. I'm astounding, shocked and relieved that afte 2 hours he has no symptoms but all is not over.

I will have to take tomorrow off because with experience he will be in screaming agony like last time.

For fuck sake.

This is his first every night away from me. I really trusted my mum. I really thought she knew that ice CREAM was a sign and she knew to read labels.

OP posts:
1981trouble · 22/08/2017 20:58

I hope he is ok. It sounds like the antihistamine is working then.

My ds is cmpa but not anaphylactic. First time he stayed away at my sisters, she gave him lactose free yoghurts despite me repeatedly telling her lf is not cmpa etc.

He repeatedly projectile vomited over her brand new car the following morning.

She now won't let him eat anything unless it comes out of my lunch box and triple checks everything. Don't rule out not trusting people going forward, give yourself some time to get over it and you may see your mum change her approach too.

Fruitcorner123 · 22/08/2017 20:59

I think that if a child has life threatening allergies then until they are old enough to take responsibility for them, they probably shouldn't be left with other people

I would generally agree but think close grandparents should be able to understand the allergies and should be able to be trusted. Doubt the OP will trust her mum again though and that is sad.

hmmwhatatodo · 22/08/2017 21:00

Out of interest, does anyone know if all children with nut allergies should have an epi pen in school or is it based on severity/parents choice?

ASDsos · 22/08/2017 21:00

Just to reiterate the point. I have had anaphylactic reactions (in fact all my reactions) range from 30mins to a few hours.

OP - I hope all is ok.

RandomMess · 22/08/2017 21:00

Flowers your poor DS, I hope he recovers quickly Flowers

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 22/08/2017 21:01

Oh, you're a paediatric immunologist

nope and never claimed to be, however due to my ds allergies I've learnt everything I can possible learn in allergies, from meeting consultants at The Portland, GOS, Birmingham children's hospital, RVI, Allergy UK, ds being part of trial studies and testing, immunology and gene studies...

So no I may not be an expert but I'm certinely not clueless!

AntiHop · 22/08/2017 21:02

You're right to be furious. That was a stupid, easily avoidable mistake.

upperlimit · 22/08/2017 21:03

But you aren't even reading what the op is writing Haud. You are using that knowledge to dismiss and berate in turns.

Cherrytart6 · 22/08/2017 21:03

Hope he's ok!

AuntyElle · 22/08/2017 21:03

Countvesuvius I doubt you can go through anaphylaxis and not realise it is extremely serious. As a child I was terrified of it happening again. But labouring the possibility of a fatal reaction is not going to help a young child. The psychological burden is huge.

AnathemaPulsifer · 22/08/2017 21:04

I think that if a child has life threatening allergies then until they are old enough to take responsibility for them, they probably shouldn't be left with other people. Mistakes happen.

OP had a work/study obligation. She could reasonably expect her mum to read labels and apply common sense.

ForgivenessIsDivine · 22/08/2017 21:07

I hope he is OK. I can imagine your terror and everything that is going through your head. Take care, sleep close to him tonight and surround yourselves with love.

grasspigeons · 22/08/2017 21:07

I hope your child is ok.

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 22/08/2017 21:08

Who hasn't read the posts correctly?

OP said her child stayed over and her Mums and she called to ask if he could have a lolly, OP then found out that 2 hours ago that the lolly contained ice cream... however as it's 19.50 when OP started the post and she's been on placement, I don't think I've jumped to conclusions that the lolly was consumed yesterday.

So for me that was the child had it last night however OP found out today that he had eaten ice cream, I can see now however that posters think he's eaten the ice cream today, however as this is inknown and OP has confirmed them my OTT comment would not apply.

BLUESEAPARADISE · 22/08/2017 21:08

Really hope he is ok! Makes you really think about allergies I know I am going to be more aware of them now

JaneEyre70 · 22/08/2017 21:10

I hope he's OK. My grandaughter has got coeliac disease, and my mum just can't get her head around it at all. My DD and I both have the coeliac uk app on our phones so it's easy to check quickly when we are out and my DD is very well organised with snacks etc but she is dreading her starting school next year as you aren't in control of it.

Wdigin2this · 22/08/2017 21:11

It's dreadful, because this is a life and death situation, but I think your DM was probably confused, and is now beside herself with guilt and worry! I really hope your DS will be OK, but I think from now on, he ONLY eats what you provide.....with no deviation whatsoever!

Butteredparsnip1ps · 22/08/2017 21:11

Goodness how scary, and how frighteningly easy to do. I can almost hear the conversation Granny, I can have those lollies, they're Rowntree's, just like we have at home

I really hope the reaction you are worried about doesn't happen and that DS is fine.

upperlimit · 22/08/2017 21:12

Yes, the opening post was a little confusing, probably because the op is frightened rather than a deliberate drip feed Hmm You posted long after the op had said it had been two hours that it was twelve hours ago, suggesting she was being dramatic. I just don't think all this knowledge amounts to anything helpful while the op is assessing the damage.

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 22/08/2017 21:13

I'm not saying it's the OP fault, however I would be blaming myself in this situations, as I'd given the go ahead, without quadruple checking.

The Grandma was unsure if he could have the lolly also and even the lemonade, she's telling the OP by calling her that's she's struggling to understand his type of allergies.

Anyway I'm leaving this thread, I'm not going to argue. I hope your DC is ok and that everyone involved learns from this.

myrtleWilson · 22/08/2017 21:16

But Haud the OP has confirmed it was two hours ago (and you've posted subsequent to that confirmation)

OP - I hope your DS is ok - must be so difficult to be on constant alert.

DartmoorDoughnut · 22/08/2017 21:16

Really hope he's ok Flowers

Monstamio · 22/08/2017 21:17

FFS Haud Op has said numerous times that the ice lolly was consumed 2 hours ago (probably 3 by now). Yes, she left her children with her mum yesterday, but the lolly was eaten today. If you're going to insist on being all superior, at least get your facts right.

And as another poster said, the ingredients you posted are for the wrong item. That's what op thought was being given. What was actually given was a Rowntree Randoms lolly. Just goes to show that anyone can make a mistake, eh?

OK, hopefully you're at your mum's now and having a cuddle with your boy. Try to remember this was a genuine error and find a way to discuss things calmly with your mum once the boys are in bed. Flowers for you.

Mayhemmumma · 22/08/2017 21:17

Aww OP how shit for you. It doesn't matter if it was an innocent mistake, it must be an overwhelming sense of total responsibly for you. I really hope he's fine and if he is, your response isn't over reacting- it's loving. Go give him a big hug. Breathe and you're right no need to go crazy at your mum just reassure everyone including yourself. She'll feel awful but so do you right now.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 22/08/2017 21:20

OMG how very scary for you all.

Hopefully you're there now and so at least if he does gave a reaction he'll feel safe with Mummy there.

I don't know how to peel you off the ceiling though, because once DS is sorted & out of earshot I'd go ballistic at her. You gave her food for him, she didn't need to be finding other food/treats - and if she really had to, food has labels for a reason. Jesus wept, milk/cream/ice cream - it's not rocket science or an ingredient in disguise. There's simply no excuse for her not reading the packaging. The very first time she gas him overnight you'd think she'd be extremely cautious & double checking everything.

Thinking of DS & you all.

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