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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I've got an hour before I get to my mums. Please peel me off the ceiling before I get there.

414 replies

TippyTinkleTrousers · 22/08/2017 19:50

We have two boys 10 and 6.

The six year old has multiple severe allergies and an immunodeficiency and been out of hospital a lot of his life.

He's anaphylactic to dairy, egg, banana, nuts, shell fish with a moderate allergy to wheat, soya, pollen, animal dander and more.

He sees a specialist in London Eva Lina and they test him annually. The allergies are getting worse but we are aware and in control of them.

He's never stayed away from us ever.
When we go somewhere I provide all food for him to make life easier for everyone. Mainly him!

Last night he stayed at my mums because I'm on a placement. I provided all food, said he just eats that.

She called me and asked if he could have lemonade. I say yes as long as the ingredients are just water sugar etc and no allergens.

She called me later and said "Can he have Rowntrees Ice Cream?"

I said "you don't mean ice cream do you? You most mean ice lollies, just the fruit juice."

She said "yes ice lollies."

2 hours later she calls me to tell me it was 63% skimmed milk powder in it and he's fine.

Doctors have specifically told us to totally avoid milk because we tried a baked milk challenge gave him baked milk and he had crippling stomach ache and dihorreha the next day for hours it was horrible.

We are now flooring it down the motorway telling her to give him antihistamines, it will take an hour to get there.

I was angry very very angry (though didn't shout at her I had to be calm and tell her what to do in case he started reacting) but now I'm sick with worry.

I mean this is fucking life or death. I'm astounding, shocked and relieved that afte 2 hours he has no symptoms but all is not over.

I will have to take tomorrow off because with experience he will be in screaming agony like last time.

For fuck sake.

This is his first every night away from me. I really trusted my mum. I really thought she knew that ice CREAM was a sign and she knew to read labels.

OP posts:
Cydonia · 23/08/2017 23:06

OP my dad nearly made the same mistake with those lollies. He buys the fruit pastille ones for my DS and got the random ones thinking they were the same, luckily he checked again before giving him one and saw they had milk in. Like you said, the sweets don't contain milk so it is perhaps an easy mistake to make.
I had a slip up myself recently on holiday in Spain. Burger King - made sure we got burger without cheese, no dessert as none suitable, fruit juice drink. Except it wasn't a fruit juice drink, only discovered after he'd drunk it all it was 10% bloody skimmed milk!! He would normally react instantly, when he didn't I thought " ooh, maybe he's growing out of it " ( he's 5 ) Then the coughing and retching started on the way back to our apartment, followed by wheezing and a rash Angry Hate allergies!!
I'm glad your son is ok.

Theladyinthebath · 23/08/2017 23:44

why bother asking for advice on MN - you just have to spend four days defending every parenting choice you ever made and what make of tampon you use

bring back COD red rugs and Tamba

MiansyMoo · 24/08/2017 00:19

The problem with children that have life threatening allergies is that you have to be over the top, militant and obsessive about checking every ingredient. As soon as you stop, you make mistakes.

So OP, I don't think you are being too dramatic. I think you are just being a mother who is all too aware what certain foods can do to her child and is taking the best course of action.

Your mum was vigilant, but she wasn't vigilant enough. She made a genuine mistake, but maybe it's one she wouldn't have made if she was as used to checking for allergens as you are.

At the end of the day, the only way you can guarantee no mistakes is not less anyone look after your child and that's not always possible. Allergies are horrible when they are life threatening and always hanging over your head.

Who else, aside from your mother, looks after your children OP?

It must be so hard.

I hope your son is okay. Flowers

alliwantforchristmasis · 24/08/2017 00:49

I hope it's all ok with your ds my eldest ds has mil allergies and it is serious if he has any milk product, it's amazing what milk is in in all its different names, we had to educate gp's of what he can have and what he couldn't and explain the reasons why, had a similar panic when gm gave him ice cream as all the other gc where having some! Would have been ok if she gave him what we had left for him to have when everyone else was having ice cream but no it was ordinary ice cream. It was bad, he was in hospital being monitored after it I think that made her realise we weren't joking about it.
I hope he isn't in too much pain/ stomach cramps or anything else because of it, but you must educate all your parents in what he can/can't have and what to do if he does.
Fingers crossed for you op

Mrstiggywink49 · 24/08/2017 07:44

It was a huge responsibility for your poor Mum.....not sure i would have coped at all well with that situation......looking after other people's children, even if they are your own grandchildren, is a big worry and although i adore my grandchildren i don't particularly like being in sole charge of them for too long!

Laiste · 24/08/2017 08:47

alliwant OP did educate her DM about the whys and wherefores and what to do and the fact remains that on the very first occasion she's left in charge the boy ended up in hospital!

Sounds as if the (perfectly good i'm sure) education you gave didn't work in your case either: ''he was in hospital being monitored after it I think that made her realise we weren't joking about it.''

Why do people have to see a child in hospital as a consequence of their actions before they can respect or believe the info they've been given by the parents?! It beggars belief that this is a thing.

Is it really just ''i raised you ok so you can't tell me anything about child care''? I can't think of any other reason.

rjgmummy · 24/08/2017 09:08

My DS (Now 10) is allergic to strawberries. This was discovered at a few days old. He was premature and being cared for in the SCBU and was being given my breast milk which I was expressing and so they were able to very quickly deal with the extreme reaction. He carries epipens and takes daily antihistamines. My mother refused to accept this and always has saying that there is no such thing as allergies and it's simply a refusal to eat a certain product. Consquently we no longer have any contact as she gave him strawberries at the age of 3 to 'prove' it was me being silly resulting in a call to 999, blue light to hospital and a very traumatized boy (and siblings and me) It was so awful my DH at the time reported her to police for attempted murder. I don't understand her behaviour and will never forgive her. It sounds as though the situation with your MIL was more thoughtlessness than anything else but she needs to understand this is real and can be fatal, I hope the shock has made it register with her. Hoping you and he have all recovered from this.

Laiste · 24/08/2017 09:32

rjg Dear God! ShockFlowers

(her not you, obvs)

manicmij · 24/08/2017 09:58

Do hope your son doesn't have horrible reaction. Not knowing much about severe allergies I am surprised at the time lapsed since eating the substance that DS hasn't had horrible reaction. Keep calm and deal with any problem with son. Then explain your panic to Mum and why but in a moderate way. Remember whilst there may be an awareness of DS health she probably won't be as genned up as you.

TippyTinkleTrousers · 24/08/2017 10:10

So I got this lovely PM on here this morning.

You can grow out of a dairy intolerence. If he doesn't require an epi pen for dairy (I have never heard of a child requiring an epi pen for a dairy sensitivity) then you are being way over the top. If he hasn't had any symptoms for over 2 hours then he is unlikely to do so. He is probably having the time of his life relaxed an your mothers. You sound like a neurotic nightmare. Annual review suggests to me that his symptoms are nowhere near as severe as they are in your head!!

"I've never known anyone with a dairy sensitivity to need an epipen"

Jesus, where do you even start with that?

OP posts:
upperlimit · 24/08/2017 10:12

Just tell them to fuck off Tippy.

YellowLawn · 24/08/2017 10:14

dairy sensitivity/intolerance is a bit different from allergy...

NormaSmuff · 24/08/2017 10:17

omg,
report to mnhq op.
out of order

TippyTinkleTrousers · 24/08/2017 10:17

Just a bit Wink

The paramedics that gave him adrenaline when he went into anaphylactic shock must have just been neurotic. And all the annual positive test results fake. 🙄

I've reported it. I'm not even going to entertain such uneducated bullshit.

OP posts:
NormaSmuff · 24/08/2017 10:18

even if the pm sender is correct they surely shouldnt be sending that to you via pm, it should be by the thread?

trixymalixy · 24/08/2017 10:18

"I've never known anyone with a dairy sensitivity to need an epipen"

My DS has an epipen for a dairy allergy that the specialist says he is unlikely to ever grow out of now he's 10. We have had to use it when DH gave him cow's milk by mistake in his cereal one morning.

My DS's reactions can be very delayed and prolonged.

Why do people who don't have the first clue feel entitled to spout such nonsense?!?!

MrKaplan · 24/08/2017 10:20

Tippy think of this thread as a learning experience.
Now you know exactly what proportion of well meaning fuckwits think you are a 'neurotic nightmare' and you can plan accordingly to protect your child and not assume that they all have your child best interests at heart.

Oraiste · 24/08/2017 10:35

This is why it's so difficult for people with allergies to be taken seriously. I mean, you attend a specialist clinic, you have epipens and medicine prescribed by a doctor. You correctly took your child to hospital were he was treated and admitted. Even if you were OTT (which you are quite definitely not) doctors who were with your child took it seriously. It defies belief that some random on the Internet thinks they know better. However, it's even more frightening that people like this may actually test their ideas on someone to prove a point.

Hope your DS is doing well and that you're all recovering from the shock. Flowers

NormaSmuff · 24/08/2017 10:37

luckily op, and perhaps others, myself included, take advice elsewhere and just use the board to offload.

Decaffstilltastesweird · 24/08/2017 10:41

Tippy

Report that pm to MNHQ! I had one like that and reported it. Have no idea if they actually did anything about it, but the tone is similar, so if it so happens to be the same poster, then maybe they will.

CatsPurr · 24/08/2017 10:50

My son is type 1 diabetic, we get stupid comments all the time OP so I understand some of where you are coming from. Its a disease that most people don't understand, I didn't before he got it, but feel the need to make comments on. My faves are, "will his sister catch it?" "He'll soon grow out of it", "is he allowed sweets?" Like your son its a condition where if not managed properly it can kill him. Its so draining to be on it 24/7. Hang in there and ignore the idiots Flowers

WhoAteTheCookieDough · 24/08/2017 11:54

I don't have an epipen for my complete milk allergy, but do have a ventolin inhaler as my airways close up if I have milk. This developed at the age of 36, eleven years ago now. So can completely understand why someone would need an epipen for dairy allergies.

JoWithABow · 24/08/2017 17:51

That PM is awful, and so so stupid too, as if they have more knowledge than your sons actual allergy consultant and the a&e docs who looked after him & kept him in. I hope you reported them. And whoever sent it is obviously a coward otherwise they'd have posted it on the thread rather than via personal msg. Idiot.

seven201 · 24/08/2017 21:27

How's your boy doing now?

Ignore the idiot who sent you that ridiculous pm. Ignorant twit

TippyTinkleTrousers · 24/08/2017 21:42

He's absolutely fine.

If I'm honest, I think the PM was a person wanting a rise out of me rather than someone being genuinely studpid.

People are weird.

OP posts:
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