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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I've got an hour before I get to my mums. Please peel me off the ceiling before I get there.

414 replies

TippyTinkleTrousers · 22/08/2017 19:50

We have two boys 10 and 6.

The six year old has multiple severe allergies and an immunodeficiency and been out of hospital a lot of his life.

He's anaphylactic to dairy, egg, banana, nuts, shell fish with a moderate allergy to wheat, soya, pollen, animal dander and more.

He sees a specialist in London Eva Lina and they test him annually. The allergies are getting worse but we are aware and in control of them.

He's never stayed away from us ever.
When we go somewhere I provide all food for him to make life easier for everyone. Mainly him!

Last night he stayed at my mums because I'm on a placement. I provided all food, said he just eats that.

She called me and asked if he could have lemonade. I say yes as long as the ingredients are just water sugar etc and no allergens.

She called me later and said "Can he have Rowntrees Ice Cream?"

I said "you don't mean ice cream do you? You most mean ice lollies, just the fruit juice."

She said "yes ice lollies."

2 hours later she calls me to tell me it was 63% skimmed milk powder in it and he's fine.

Doctors have specifically told us to totally avoid milk because we tried a baked milk challenge gave him baked milk and he had crippling stomach ache and dihorreha the next day for hours it was horrible.

We are now flooring it down the motorway telling her to give him antihistamines, it will take an hour to get there.

I was angry very very angry (though didn't shout at her I had to be calm and tell her what to do in case he started reacting) but now I'm sick with worry.

I mean this is fucking life or death. I'm astounding, shocked and relieved that afte 2 hours he has no symptoms but all is not over.

I will have to take tomorrow off because with experience he will be in screaming agony like last time.

For fuck sake.

This is his first every night away from me. I really trusted my mum. I really thought she knew that ice CREAM was a sign and she knew to read labels.

OP posts:
TippyTinkleTrousers · 22/08/2017 20:09

As a parent of a child will anaphylactic allergies similar to your child, I think you are going OTT.

I'm OTT here. Not at her. Hence my posting here before I get to her.

Yes I'm partly to blame, I thought my mum had the sense to read a label or know that I've cream meant dairy. I've learned from this experience and my mistake. That's for sure.

OP posts:
bostonkremekrazy · 22/08/2017 20:10

too late now - but why didnt your 6 year old know he cant eat an ice cream lolly?

My 3 now 4 yr old would say to anybody who offered any food - Is it dairy and soya free? I cant eat some food.....it was drummed into him from early on you must ask does it have milk or soya, until he did that every time we said no to play dates etc...(and its 'just' an allergy here, no anaphylactic reaction)

you must get your child to be more aware of what he's eating - until then i'd say no to leaving him, or allowing anyone else to prepare food.

hope he's ok.

TippyTinkleTrousers · 22/08/2017 20:11

ALSO I need to NOT scare him.

I will be using every mothering instinct not to go batshit at her because he will know something is wrong and I do NOT want him
to worry.

Twice he has asked me if his allergies could kill him. ☹️

OP posts:
Decaffstilltastesweird · 22/08/2017 20:12

Yes, it was a really stupid mistake for her to make tbh. Not your fault op. Most people would have thought "oh ice cream. That probably has dairy in it. I'll double check the ingredients".

TippyTinkleTrousers · 22/08/2017 20:12

topo late now - but why didnt your 6 year old know he cant eat an ice cream lolly?

Because it was a Rowntrees Randoms ice lollie.
He can eat Rowntrees ice lollie (NOT ice cream) and he can eat Rowntrees Random sweets.

DH and I think it might have been him confused by that. He's really good with his allergies otherwise. So's his brother.

OP posts:
HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 22/08/2017 20:12

OP you do know most allergies don't trigger on the 1st dosage, it's normally the 2nd, so you've now got to keep your ds under a strict food diet as he's now at risk of secondary anaphylaxis which is more dangerous.

Decaffstilltastesweird · 22/08/2017 20:13

boston

He accepted it from his grandmother who knows all about his allergies. Why would he think she'd be foolish enough to hand him dairy Confused?

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 22/08/2017 20:14

Tippy then you need to tell him the truth and not sugarcoat it, they can kill him, he needs to learn and adapt to this.

My 8 year old has always known this tbh, but then he's been in anaphylactic shock loads of times, so he understands how dangerous it is.

IrritatedUser1960 · 22/08/2017 20:15

That's terrible, I hope he is ok OP.
My sister has multiple allergies too. Carries an epipen everywhere, I practically have to wear a pathology suit when I go there, must never have any animal hair on me.
I have special clothes for visiting her.
It's amazing how many people say oh it will be ok - they have no idea!

SouthWestmom · 22/08/2017 20:16

I'm a bit confused. Why are you racing to get him if he isn't showing an allergic reaction?

I thought allergy = sudden reaction, hives, breathing etc and intolerance = stomach/bowels etc?

DS was intolerant and had to be vegan with prescription stuff until about five.

Tbh I think you maybe assumed what your mum meant and should have asked the actual name.

trinity0097 · 22/08/2017 20:16

Has he had a reaction to it?

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 22/08/2017 20:18

I've said the OP is OTT as she has stated this happened last night, I'm assuming if he was showing symptoms by now he's be needing emergency medical treatment...

bostonkremekrazy · 22/08/2017 20:18

Tippy - they say on the box - contains milk - may contain nuts & peanuts. did anyone even look at the packaging before giving to your son?

SomeOtherFuckers · 22/08/2017 20:18

She's not one of those 'oh he's not allergic you're just molly-coddling' people is she?
If it was a genuine mistake then she must feel awful and I feel bad for all of you. Your sons restrictions seem so hard to handle! Poor lad

NoSquirrels · 22/08/2017 20:18

Please please don't go off at your mother & refuse to let the DC stay ever again.

He was confused by the packaging. She was confused. You ALL thought it was OK. Lesson learned.

She's called you as soon as she realised. You've given her the information she needs. It's awful it's happened but she's reacting to the situation now.

Your DM likely won't forget this & will triple check the ingredients from now on. She'll be mortified & worried too I assume (and if not then it's your cue to go mental).

I really really hope your DS is OK tonight.

Poor you, OP. Flowers

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 22/08/2017 20:18

I need to NOT scare him absolutely Op I'm glad you said this. Remaining calm and talking rationally to him about his allergies is best. I'm sure you're aware of that and are just venting on here but a heated row with your mum and panicking will cause long term anxiety in your son about his condition.

It's difficult because he (and the people caring for him) do need to understand the seriousness of his allergies.

And drive carefully!

TippyTinkleTrousers · 22/08/2017 20:19

Huad this isn't his first dose. He nearly died when he was 5 months old because I have him a yoghurt.

Trininty because not all anaphyalxis happens in minutes believe it or not. And he starts hurling, or being in pain or shitting through the eye of a needle and crying like the last time we gave him a crumb in the baked milk challenge, I want to be with him.

I actually genuinely baffled that you asked that question.

OP posts:
GetOutOfMYGarden · 22/08/2017 20:19

Focus on DS. In the future it may be worth teaching your DM about the bolded allergens on the back of packets, so she can not get bogged down with the minutiae, and give her a very specific meal plan and allocated snacks that you know are safe in a tub for him.

Hopefully DS is okay, best of luck OP

TippyTinkleTrousers · 22/08/2017 20:19

Sorry not Trinity!

Noef

OP posts:
TippyTinkleTrousers · 22/08/2017 20:20

No this happened 2 hours ago!!

Well longer now.

We dropped them off last night. They were staying tonight, he had the ice lollie at 6pm-ish

OP posts:
Fuckwhathaveidone · 22/08/2017 20:21

That sounds insanely tough for you op. I bet your mum doesn't really get it because she never sees the after affect.
My mum used to give dairy to our youngest 2 when they were on a dairy and soya free diet and I'd have to deal with the stomach cramps while thinking it she could see this she'd realise why it's so fucking important to read everything!

Bumply · 22/08/2017 20:21

Ds2 is coeliac. We used to be vegetarian until I got fed up trying to be both, particularly when eating out

Grandma still thinks we're veggie and checks labels for that and seems to forget that gf ingredients are the ones he has to avoid. I've not risked leaving him at grandmas on his own because of this (and that's with him not having severe reactions to being glutened).

It's hard when they don't understand just how careful you need to be. Hope your son doesn't react too badly.

2014newme · 22/08/2017 20:22

If he had bad stomach ache and diarrhoea last time then that's bad but actually it isn't life and death?
Your mum is an idiot but don't turn a drama into a crisis (I have anaphylaxis myself)

TippyTinkleTrousers · 22/08/2017 20:22

I did ask the name!

She said "Rowntrees".

We buy him Rowntrees ice lollies all the time!

OP posts:
ravenmum · 22/08/2017 20:23

I provided all food, said he just eats that.
Next time tell her that she must not under any circumstances give him any food apart from the food you give her. Do you think she would follow that or does she tend to think she knows better?

Is it clear to her that getting an awful stomach ache is not a minor side effect of a lovely treat - giving him ice cream is not being kind and lovely, it is not letting him "get away" with stuff that his "strict" parents do not allow; it means she is deliberately making him ill?

Probably easier to deal with than if it was your PIL, eh?

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