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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I've got an hour before I get to my mums. Please peel me off the ceiling before I get there.

414 replies

TippyTinkleTrousers · 22/08/2017 19:50

We have two boys 10 and 6.

The six year old has multiple severe allergies and an immunodeficiency and been out of hospital a lot of his life.

He's anaphylactic to dairy, egg, banana, nuts, shell fish with a moderate allergy to wheat, soya, pollen, animal dander and more.

He sees a specialist in London Eva Lina and they test him annually. The allergies are getting worse but we are aware and in control of them.

He's never stayed away from us ever.
When we go somewhere I provide all food for him to make life easier for everyone. Mainly him!

Last night he stayed at my mums because I'm on a placement. I provided all food, said he just eats that.

She called me and asked if he could have lemonade. I say yes as long as the ingredients are just water sugar etc and no allergens.

She called me later and said "Can he have Rowntrees Ice Cream?"

I said "you don't mean ice cream do you? You most mean ice lollies, just the fruit juice."

She said "yes ice lollies."

2 hours later she calls me to tell me it was 63% skimmed milk powder in it and he's fine.

Doctors have specifically told us to totally avoid milk because we tried a baked milk challenge gave him baked milk and he had crippling stomach ache and dihorreha the next day for hours it was horrible.

We are now flooring it down the motorway telling her to give him antihistamines, it will take an hour to get there.

I was angry very very angry (though didn't shout at her I had to be calm and tell her what to do in case he started reacting) but now I'm sick with worry.

I mean this is fucking life or death. I'm astounding, shocked and relieved that afte 2 hours he has no symptoms but all is not over.

I will have to take tomorrow off because with experience he will be in screaming agony like last time.

For fuck sake.

This is his first every night away from me. I really trusted my mum. I really thought she knew that ice CREAM was a sign and she knew to read labels.

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 22/08/2017 20:23

I know you must be going out of your head with worry.
You mum has now had the same shock you did and I am sure won't ever do this again, please drive safely, we don't want you in any danger over this.
I am sure once you see your dc you will be fine, and I really hope he gets away without pain this time.

TippyTinkleTrousers · 22/08/2017 20:24

There's a difference between BAKED milk and other milk.

Hense why I have been talking about him being anaphylactic to milk but other symptoms to the baked milk challenge.

But when we see his consultants next summer I will be sure to tell them that calling it anaphylaxis is being dramatic. Hmm

OP posts:
TippyTinkleTrousers · 22/08/2017 20:24

Oh I'm not driving don't worry. DH is.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 22/08/2017 20:25

I agree with Haud. You should tell him the truth. My dd (9) has a medical condition where he heart stops beating - it automatically restarts within about a minute. Luckily she doesn't have it severely unlike some children. However, I'm absolutely teaching her to keep herself safe especially around water and alcohol as she grows up. We watch her in the pool even though she is a very proficient swimmer. She now gets warning signs a few seconds before a seizure.

My dds condition is a lot less impacting on her life and much less likely to kill her. However, she needs to learn to keep herself safe. The same as your ds.

Freezingwinter · 22/08/2017 20:25

I can't believe all the questions tore getting OP! It's quite simple, a six year old would not think to distrust a grandparent who was aware of his allergies. Not all anaphylaxis reactions happen immediately. They can be delayed (for hours!)

Is he ok OP? Let us know that he is, when you can.

bostonkremekrazy · 22/08/2017 20:26

Decaffstilltastesweird - as a parent of a child with allergies its about training your child to be aware, to not be complacent (as has happened here), if the dinnerlady at school hands every child a lolly the kid with allergies has to be alert enough to say - miss does this have X in? I can't have milk/egg/soya, whatever, or Miss i'm a vegan etc...
in this day and age children have to be taught to be self-sufficient, and yes it starts with aunts, uncles, grandparents, ooh Granny does this have milk in?
Its no big deal, but education starts at home, not at school, because we don't want mistakes to be made...and because if we train our allergic children when something does happen, it could have been avoided if this child had said - oh Gran does this have Milk in? A quick check of this box, OMG this does have milk and nuts in (OP says child is allergic to nuts too)....darling you can't have this, lets find one you can have - problem solved and no allergic reaction...

at the end of the day Decaff - the gran did hand him Dairy Confused

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/08/2017 20:27

I don't agree with the OTT bit btw.

happymumof4crazykids · 22/08/2017 20:28

Poor you you must be really worried right now, hope your son is ok and you manage not to fall out with your mum, I would have a hard time being calm and would probably need scraping from the ceiling too!

Cheerybigbottom · 22/08/2017 20:29

I don't know why you're getting any stick about being OTT here OP. A friends little boy has similar allergies and lower grade intolerances and has been through the baked challenges etc, things aren't gonna get better for him and it's taken very seriously. When my son brings his friend home you better believe I check every ingredient of every food before I give him it. It's life/death/serious illness.

I understand what you mean about the delayed serious reaction. It's not just a bit of an upset tummy. I hope it's the last time it happens at grandmas and your boy is well again soon.

ohfourfoxache · 22/08/2017 20:29

How much longer have you got to travel op?

I feel so sorry for you and your DS Sad

Decaffstilltastesweird · 22/08/2017 20:30

She did boston, so that's a fair point.

However, she had just had a big discussion with his mum about it, it's not like she had momentarily forgotten he is allergic. So yes, I'm bloody Confused that she wasn't more careful tbh. I know a few children with allergies and I read and re-read everything before they visit and probably read again before I give them anything.

TippyTinkleTrousers · 22/08/2017 20:30

Do you know what right now I'm not worrying about telling my son his allergies could kill him. But thank you for your well times advice. Just the kinda advice I want to hear at this very point.
Sorry if hats spikey, but I'm frantically worried.

Thank you FreezingWinter DH just said we're 15-20 minutes away.

OP posts:
Bumply · 22/08/2017 20:30

Funding it strange the people who are saying he didn't need an epipen what's the big deal.

I worry about ds getting glutened and for him that's just a degradation in his ability to absorb food for a couple of weeks, not the potential for agonising cramps.

Op is just venting here in an attempt to calm down so she can support her son without screaming in frustration a) with what's happened and b) with the thoughts of what might have happened if the misread label had required an epipen.

HiJenny35 · 22/08/2017 20:31

TippyTinkleTrousers apparently several people on here know better than you how about how serious of a condition your son has people seem to be finding it hard to understand that the range of allergic reaction is very vast and one anaphylaxis reaction is not the same as another. You are totally right to feel worried and frustrated and I'm sure your mum feels really guilty too. Keeping fingers crossed for you.

BabsGanoush · 22/08/2017 20:31

When DD was little she had a friend with a milk allergy. Friend came for tea regularly and I always showed her mother exactly what I would be giving them for dinner and treats beforehand AND DIDN'T DEVIATE.

Kissisforpirate · 22/08/2017 20:32

I cannot believe all the criticism you are getting OP. I hope you get there really quickly and that your son's reaction is as mild as possible.

ethelfleda · 22/08/2017 20:33

OP this is not your fault and it certainly isn't your sons fault FFS! What is wrong with people?!!
I'm sorry this thread probably hasn't calmed you down in the way you needed so I just wanted to say that I really hope your son is ok and please keep us updated on him Flowers

MsHarry · 22/08/2017 20:33

Oh OP I feel your pain! My DD(13) has been nut allergic since she was 5 and my darling mum(no longer here) just didn't seem to understand. She once sat her on her knee while she (mum) ate peanuts!!!! When i pointed out that wasn't really the best idea, she looked at me like i was making a fuss! FFS why can't people understand???? MIL still says " Oh there weren't all these allergic kids in my time!" like it's our fault. When he is older it will get easier. She now checks every packet herself and is very sensible. Hope he is ok .

Decaffstilltastesweird · 22/08/2017 20:33

Me neither kiss!

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 22/08/2017 20:33

I do feel for you all and agree with the poster up thread who said it's a lesson to you all. But I do hope you won't stop him staying there again.

Your mum should not be phoning you up asking if he can have X, Y, Z but also I think you all got confused with the lolly/ice cream thing.

I do hope your DS is ok!

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 22/08/2017 20:34

Haud this isn't his first dose. He nearly died when he was 5 months old because I have him a yoghurt

No this will be his first dose Hmm at this time, he's not going to be at risk of secondary anaphylactic shock for some milk he ingested over 5 years ago OP!

It may not be his first time trying milk but at this stage this is his first stage, you now need to keep his restricted of all his other allergies, and keep him on a very strict diet.

Youcanttaketheskyfromme · 22/08/2017 20:34

Ih she near a hospital ? What has she said to you racing over ?

Ameliablue · 22/08/2017 20:36

I think coming on here to try to calm down was a mistake as comments here will just seeing you up more. Concentrate on deep breathing and calming thoughts till you get there.

SouthWestmom · 22/08/2017 20:36

Tippy I asked the question because I was confused. I said that. I'm sorry that baffles you, I genuinely didn't realise allergies may not present a reaction for several hours.

Nuttynoo · 22/08/2017 20:37

This sounds like a stupid mistake. A friend's son almost died because his grandad didn't realise that butter had milk in it Confused. I think this is a sign that his childcare, for now, is best left to a professional when you aren't around.

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