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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I've got an hour before I get to my mums. Please peel me off the ceiling before I get there.

414 replies

TippyTinkleTrousers · 22/08/2017 19:50

We have two boys 10 and 6.

The six year old has multiple severe allergies and an immunodeficiency and been out of hospital a lot of his life.

He's anaphylactic to dairy, egg, banana, nuts, shell fish with a moderate allergy to wheat, soya, pollen, animal dander and more.

He sees a specialist in London Eva Lina and they test him annually. The allergies are getting worse but we are aware and in control of them.

He's never stayed away from us ever.
When we go somewhere I provide all food for him to make life easier for everyone. Mainly him!

Last night he stayed at my mums because I'm on a placement. I provided all food, said he just eats that.

She called me and asked if he could have lemonade. I say yes as long as the ingredients are just water sugar etc and no allergens.

She called me later and said "Can he have Rowntrees Ice Cream?"

I said "you don't mean ice cream do you? You most mean ice lollies, just the fruit juice."

She said "yes ice lollies."

2 hours later she calls me to tell me it was 63% skimmed milk powder in it and he's fine.

Doctors have specifically told us to totally avoid milk because we tried a baked milk challenge gave him baked milk and he had crippling stomach ache and dihorreha the next day for hours it was horrible.

We are now flooring it down the motorway telling her to give him antihistamines, it will take an hour to get there.

I was angry very very angry (though didn't shout at her I had to be calm and tell her what to do in case he started reacting) but now I'm sick with worry.

I mean this is fucking life or death. I'm astounding, shocked and relieved that afte 2 hours he has no symptoms but all is not over.

I will have to take tomorrow off because with experience he will be in screaming agony like last time.

For fuck sake.

This is his first every night away from me. I really trusted my mum. I really thought she knew that ice CREAM was a sign and she knew to read labels.

OP posts:
WoofWoofMooWoof · 22/08/2017 20:40

Ugh, I feel for you. DD2 (8) doesn't have allergies, but she's dairy intolerant - had a stoma 2 months before she was even meant to be born, and has gallstones. She can tolerate a small amount of skimmed milk, but that's it. Every sodding time she goes to the grandparents, grandma gives her full fat ice cream. Every fucking time! Next day she's double over with stomach cramps and diarrhoea. Pisses me off no end. Yet she's old enough to say no to the ice cream, and if she still chooses to eat it then she must suffer the consequences. I'm not being mean, but she's old enough to say no thanks, I don't want to suffer.

MsHarry · 22/08/2017 20:40

Oh ffs people, I think his parents know his individual condition better than anyone, so stop questioning whether it's his first dose or not. Op I hope the vent helped but might be best to get off here so you don't have to listen to the armchair doctors!!

User02 · 22/08/2017 20:41

I have a friend with a nut allergy who carries an epipen. I am always worried in case anything happens.
It is becoming more likely that people have allergies. It is so much easier now with all the ingredients listed on foods. If I waslooking after a child with allergies I would only give the food given by the family or any items that I have seen the child have before. It is a lot of responsibility for people who are maybe not as clued up as the parents.
I hope the DS will be OK asap

upperlimit · 22/08/2017 20:41

Nothing quite like MN 'by parents for parents' for kicking a mother when she is down or just racing to her child with her fingers crossed that they won't be in agony when she gets there.

MsHarry · 22/08/2017 20:43

Yes User so you would have thought that granny would not have risked giving him something else? No? Also you can't rely on giving something you have seen them have before because manufacturers change ingredients.Always check the label on the packet it came in that time.

AuntyElle · 22/08/2017 20:46

I'm really sorry you're getting such know-it-all, unsympathetic replies, OP.

What kind of people would use this anxious time to share their vast Hmm knowledge of your son's health and tell you they hope you 'learn a lesson' from this??

bostonkremekrazy and Haud are especially out of order.

Dealing with serious allergies is so stressful at the best of times. Let alone when an attempt at a little independence has ended up in a person you trusted making a seemingly inexplicable mistake.

Flowers to you and your son.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 22/08/2017 20:46

So sorry to hear this op Flowers

Hope he is well. And you and DH take care. It sounds incredibly stressful having a child with these allergies. You're doing an amazing job. Take care Flowers

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 22/08/2017 20:47

Slow onset anaphylaxis is very rare, If he ingested the food over 12 hours to go, I think it will be highly unlikely if he will be in slow anaphylactic shock, more so that he's been given antihistamines now.

I hate scaremongering, dealing with allergies is bad enough without all the drama.

As a parent also with a child with multiple anaphylactic allergies, I'd be blaming myself in this situation, it's so easy to check I'd say 98% is online now. - quick google... I can't say what the ingredients are in the ice cream as there is loads of versions.

As this thread is here we may as well educate people.

I've got an hour before I get to my mums. Please peel me off the ceiling before I get there.
upperlimit · 22/08/2017 20:48

Two hours ago Haud

Decaffstilltastesweird · 22/08/2017 20:49

Nothing quite like MN 'by parents for parents' for kicking a mother when she is down or just racing to her child with her fingers crossed that they won't be in agony when she gets there.

Yes! MN at its worst imho.

I feel terrible for the op that she's got all the snarky comments to add to her stress levels. Fucks sake.

Some people on here seem to be quite insensitive, with no sense of timing. Or worse, enjoy giving a nice hard kicking to people when they're understandably upset.

user1499786242 · 22/08/2017 20:49

Gosh I have a few friends with allergies! All varying degrees of severity..
But reading this thread has really made me feel very emotional for all the little kids (and parents) that have to deal with this every single day!
My heart really goes out to you
Hope you're all ok OP

FlowersFlowersFlowers

GeekyWombat · 22/08/2017 20:49

I know nothing about allergies although I'm not sure that means I'm unqualified to wax lyrical on here if some previous posters are anything to go by so nothing medical to say. Just thinking of you and your DS and to a lesser extent your mum, assuming she feels awful and worried now and isn't being some kind of knowitall about it all.

histinyhandsarefrozen · 22/08/2017 20:50

Op has repeatedly made clear it happened two hours ago.

minisoksmakehardwork · 22/08/2017 20:50

OP I hope your ds is ok. My niece has multiple anaphylactic allergies and other intolerances, some of which a teeny amount will have her projectile vomiting while curled in a ball and shitting through the eye of a needle. So I don't think YABU given you don't know when a reaction could kick in and this will be your son's first reaction with his grandparents.

I suggest creating a book with pictures of safe treat foods and their wrappers for relatives and trips to friends houses. You will no doubt be aware when recipes change and the allowed food becomes banned if you are in groups with other similar parents. Either that or ensure nothing other than what you provide is eaten in future, just to avoid this happening again. I prefer option one though. Eg a photo of a packet of randoms, a photo of the ice lolly. If x lolly isn't pictured the person should know not to risk it.

Lunde · 22/08/2017 20:50

Haud - it is 2 hours ago - not 12!

histinyhandsarefrozen · 22/08/2017 20:51

Hope you've arrived safely op and all is well.

A big wake up call for your mum, I think.

AuntyElle · 22/08/2017 20:51

Oh, you're a paediatric immunologist HaudYerWheeshtBawbag?
What amazingly good luck you're on MN tonight to advise!!

Ttbb · 22/08/2017 20:52

If it makes you feel any better my DS had a suspected walnut allegery pending test results. My FIL apparently gave him walnut paste to 'prove' that he wasn't allergic. T st results came back positive.

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 22/08/2017 20:53

You think Aunty Confused

Have you ever given your 6 year old son CPR while waiting for a rapid response ambulance to attend... for anaphylaxis, because he's not breathing? Even after 2 failed epi pens!!!

I'm not out of order as you state, we live with this every singe day, everyone is responsible, you need to quadruple checks ndnthen some more, cause frankly if you don't your child's life is literally in your hands!

MrsMyreton · 22/08/2017 20:53

Nothing useful to add I'm afraid OP, but feel terrible for you and your son. Really hope he is feeling okay. If I thought my daughter might be ill, I would be there in a flash too. FlowersFlowers

Bumply · 22/08/2017 20:54

Haud that was the lolly op thought was given to her son, but it was the rowntrees randoms version which contains ice cream = milk

WoofWoofMooWoof · 22/08/2017 20:54

I'm always so careful to read labels. My late DH was allergic to iodine - so fish, bee stings etc. I once made a curry and had run out of spices, so I quickly popped to the shop to buy a jar of curry sauce. For some reason I didn't think to check the ingredients. Finished the curry, dished some up for him, he took one bite... and I suddenly realised I hadn't checked the ingredients. Second ingredient was... fish paste! I told him to stop eating immediately, but one bite in and his face was going red, his eyes watering and his throat closing up. Bloody scary. The one time I forgot to check ingredients. It can so easily happen and you can never let your guard down.

Hope your DS is OK OP.

Fruitcorner123 · 22/08/2017 20:55

As a parent also with a child with multiple anaphylactic allergies, I'd be blaming myself in this situation, it's so easy to check I'd say 98% is online now. - quick google... I can't say what the ingredients are in the ice cream as there is loads of versions.

Maybe I am reading this wrong haud but are you saying its so easy to check online its the OPs fault and then saying you can't check the ingredients online easily? Which is it? If there are loads of versions then the OP would likely be confused and unsure as well. It's the Grandparent who had the actual ingredients in front of her and who was told by the OP to check the ingredients!

Countvesuvius · 22/08/2017 20:56

I think that if a child has life threatening allergies then until they are old enough to take responsibility for them, they probably shouldn't be left with other people. Mistakes happen.

As for not scaring him - surely he needs to know the severity of his condition?!

AuntyElle · 22/08/2017 20:57

But you haven't even managed to read the OP's posts accurately, haud. Plus your tone and detailed info which may not apply to this child is really off.
Perhaps you are too close to the situation to be able to help?

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