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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or is my friend living on another planet?

361 replies

Mountainviewloo · 21/08/2017 10:38

A friend of mine I haven't seen for a while has asked to meet up at the weekend. She originally said could we meet for brunch and asked me to suggest a time and place so I suggested 11 somewhere central for both of us (this is a normal time for brunch right?!?!). She replied saying that was a bit early for her as she likes to sleep in at the weekend (fair enough, I did too pre-toddler), and suggested 1pm. I said fine.

She then a few hours later texted saying would I mind meeting for dinner instead as she'd forgotten she had a delivery coming. Again I said fine. She suggested we meet at 9pm. This to me is ridiculously late for dinner but whatever, I could live with it so I said fine, but just FYI I won't be able to bring DS (the original plan was for me to bring DS as she wanted to see him - this was her request, not mine as I'd much rather have a peaceful meal without him!).

She then said something along the lines of oh no why not, I really want to see him. I pointed out that 9pm was 2 hours past his bedtime. She then asked why I couldn't just keep him up. I explained that he would go into meltdown mode through overtiredness and no one would have a nice time.

She has now gone into a huff with me saying I am being difficult and he needs to be able to come "off routine" sometimes or he will be "impossible to manage" as he gets older.

Surely IANBU here?! I am not a dragon about his routine at all, but if I take him out for dinner at 9pm it will be hell for everyone involved. He's 18 months.

I haven't replied to her last message yet.

OP posts:
Enelya · 21/08/2017 10:39

Your friend is a loon 😄

cinnamontoast · 21/08/2017 10:40

I'm guessing she doesn't have children. I would ignore her last message and not see her (ever again). She sounds appalling.

Darkblueskies · 21/08/2017 10:41

Haha. No. 9pm is late for dinner for most adults, let alone a toddler!

SleepFreeZone · 21/08/2017 10:41

Pmsl. Agreed your friend is the funny one here.

Original poster
Mountainviewloo · 21/08/2017 10:41

She does sound like a loon I know but she has previously always been nice and normal?! Hence why this has thrown me.

OP posts:
eyebrowsonfleek · 21/08/2017 10:41

I wouldn't be keeping him up for someone who has a high chance of not showing up.

IdaDown · 21/08/2017 10:41

Keep DS up, meet friend at 9pm for dinner.

Sit on a separate table - enjoy your dinner/book/glass of wine.

Friend can spend some quality 'getting to know you' time with DS.

Everybody happy Wink

n0ne · 21/08/2017 10:41

She's a mentalist. At 18mo you really don't want to mess with routine. Some babies are fine with it but you know your child! Mine would have been a bloody nightmare at that age and time of night, and it would have been hideous for all involved!

JustDontGetItAtAll · 21/08/2017 10:42

What a flaky, self absorbed cow! EVERYONE knows toddlers get overtired by 7pm - aka 'The Witching Hour!'

I would politely point out that she does not have a child and therefore knows nothing about kids, let alone yours and tell her to grow up. If she doesn't then she'll be impossible to manage as a friend!!

ChocoholicsAnonymous · 21/08/2017 10:45

Yeah she's on another planet! Just weird

Leeela · 21/08/2017 10:45

Omg, of course YANBU!

However, only once pregnant and around babies myself did I notice how little I understood about what being pregnant / having a baby was really like... So now I really wonder sometimes whether I might have inadvertently said something really stupid or even insensitive in the past, just out of pure ignorance rather than being mean. Is there any chance your friend actually has no idea about what it's like, and would just need more explanation? Though to be fair she's still a loon anyway because even after you did explain it she was still grumpy about it....

Original poster
Mountainviewloo · 21/08/2017 10:48

Though to be fair she's still a loon anyway because even after you did explain it she was still grumpy about it

That's my issue! It's the fact she still has the hump even after I've explained.

I've replied just saying we can arrange for another weekend when she's free in the day if she really wants to see DS.

OP posts:
Ameliablue · 21/08/2017 10:48

I'm not one for sticking rigidly to a routine but even I wouldn't keep a toddler out that late for dinner just for the whim of a friend, and other diners certainly won't thank you.

craftsy · 21/08/2017 10:50

She might have experience of children on a completely different routine. At 18mo my ds was usually awake until 10-11pm. Then he'd sleep until late morning and take a long nap in the afternoon. His routine was super malleable because he didn't mind being woken early in the morning, he'd just nap longer instead. It meant I was able to be completely flexible with him.

If she knows toddlers like him, she mightn't realise that not all work that way.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 21/08/2017 10:51

Your friend is being one of those annoying people who gives out parenting advice despite knowing sweet fa. Keeping a toddler up a bit late as a one off might not be a problem but meeting for dinner at 9 you could easily still be there at 11. Plus your toddler will presumably have wanted tea earlier so not even particularly hungry!

Original poster
Mountainviewloo · 21/08/2017 10:51

I know craftsy, but surely she still shouldn't have had a problem with it after I explained?

OP posts:
SenatorBunghole · 21/08/2017 10:52

Like most of us, she's a much better parent now than she will be if she ever has children herself.

Toddlers4HenDos · 21/08/2017 10:53

your friend is a dick.

HTH

abigailgabble · 21/08/2017 10:56

😁😁 wow. if it wouldn't be horribly detrimental to you and your toddler I would say DO IT just so she can experience the joy of a toddler in a restaurant at 9pm. find someone less self absorbed to have brunch/lunch with. I am free!

DeludedDoris · 21/08/2017 10:57

So, she doesn't want to meet at 11am as she likes a lie in (her "routine") but she's happy for you to break your ds routine for her?!

Tell her 9pm is no good. Rinse and repeat.

Original poster
Mountainviewloo · 21/08/2017 10:57

I am quite tempted to take him just so I can say I told you so, but I don't think it would be fair on all the other poor people wanting to eat in peace!!!

OP posts:
pigsDOfly · 21/08/2017 10:58

She's asked to meet up and has changed the arrangements several times.

She has no children but is a child rearing 'expert' and is telling you what's best for your 18 month old. Yeah, keeping him up for several hours to go out to dinner with someone he doesn't know is going to work really well isn't it, because small children are like toys and fun to play with at any time of the day, or evening.

YABU to even consider meeting this person.

Pigface1 · 21/08/2017 10:58

She's bats. I don't have any children and wouldn't really appreciate meeting for dinner at 9pm!!!

Mittens1969 · 21/08/2017 10:59

Wow, how ridiculous! And even after you explained. You'd bent over backwards to try and accommodate her after all when she kept changing the goalposts. A toddler eating much later than usual and then being kept up too late is a recipe for disaster.

Doubtless if you did accommodate your friend, she would then be complaining about your toddler's behaviour lol.

Copperbeech33 · 21/08/2017 11:00

depends, doesn't it, I certainly took my toddler to restaurants at that time sometimes, but mostly for a group, who wouldn't mind if I just left when he had had enough