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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or is my friend living on another planet?

361 replies

Mountainviewloo · 21/08/2017 10:38

A friend of mine I haven't seen for a while has asked to meet up at the weekend. She originally said could we meet for brunch and asked me to suggest a time and place so I suggested 11 somewhere central for both of us (this is a normal time for brunch right?!?!). She replied saying that was a bit early for her as she likes to sleep in at the weekend (fair enough, I did too pre-toddler), and suggested 1pm. I said fine.

She then a few hours later texted saying would I mind meeting for dinner instead as she'd forgotten she had a delivery coming. Again I said fine. She suggested we meet at 9pm. This to me is ridiculously late for dinner but whatever, I could live with it so I said fine, but just FYI I won't be able to bring DS (the original plan was for me to bring DS as she wanted to see him - this was her request, not mine as I'd much rather have a peaceful meal without him!).

She then said something along the lines of oh no why not, I really want to see him. I pointed out that 9pm was 2 hours past his bedtime. She then asked why I couldn't just keep him up. I explained that he would go into meltdown mode through overtiredness and no one would have a nice time.

She has now gone into a huff with me saying I am being difficult and he needs to be able to come "off routine" sometimes or he will be "impossible to manage" as he gets older.

Surely IANBU here?! I am not a dragon about his routine at all, but if I take him out for dinner at 9pm it will be hell for everyone involved. He's 18 months.

I haven't replied to her last message yet.

OP posts:
maxthemartian · 21/08/2017 12:07

I don't even have children and I think she's being a massive twat. I'd not bother meeting her at all with that attitude.

Huskylover1 · 21/08/2017 12:08

Ha ha ha ha. Just store this little nugget away in your memory....when she has a toddler, and yours is a lot older, you can remind her of this!

Original poster
Mountainviewloo · 21/08/2017 12:08

Oh and also when we first agreed to meet I said I wasn't going to bring DS as we'd get more chance to chat without him, and she said no please please bring him, I really want to see him!!

OP posts:
ButchyRestingFace · 21/08/2017 12:12

Selfish flake.

Couldn't be doing with someone who wanted to meet at 9pm for dinner - let alone the rest of it.

hedgebitch · 21/08/2017 12:12

She's being a total knob. I know things like the significance of routine aren't necessarily obvious to people who've not looked after tiny children - but that's why those people should take the parent's word for it. I don't tell my friends how to do their jobs, they don't tell me how to do mine!

SapphireStrange · 21/08/2017 12:13

I'd probably go to dinner late, without DS, just to get a chance to see her and talk about it face to face.

Original poster
Mountainviewloo · 21/08/2017 12:14

sapphire that's what I offered to do but she won't have it!!!

OP posts:
Wallywobbles · 21/08/2017 12:16

Have you explained that as you and he get up at 5am, her plan is not ever going to work until he's a teenager.

DeludedDoris · 21/08/2017 12:16

If it's out of character, I'd keep trying to speak to her over the phone.

If you can't get hold of her, keep saying it's just you at 9pm or both of you anytime until say 5pm or whenever.

If she refers to flexibility again, you could politely state you're able to be very flexible between the hours of x and y.

If she still doesn't let it drop, I'd be asking myself if this is a friend you want to see.

That's what I'd do in this situation, for what it's worth.

Anatidae · 21/08/2017 12:17

Screen shot the text, and send it back to her if she ever has kids.

If you're feeling particularly annoyed and PA then tell her youve screen shotted it and will send it back to her if she ever has a toddler

Is she usually such a dick?

redsquirrel2 · 21/08/2017 12:17

When our kids were that age we weren't in much of a routine and the kids were pretty flexible about when they'd eat, but there's no way I'd take them out to dinner at 9pm, that's ridiculous. Wouldn't really be happy going out that late myself. YANBU

SapphireStrange · 21/08/2017 12:18

OP, have I misunderstood? I took her reply to mean that one of your options IS to meet for dinner, at 9, without your DS, and that she was in a mood about missing out on seeing him this time.

RandomMess · 21/08/2017 12:18

Ask her to come babysit and she can keep DS up as late as she likes Wink

lemonsandlimes123 · 21/08/2017 12:19

You say she won't have it but I thought her last message basically agreed that she would miss out on seeing your son this time .

DeludedDoris · 21/08/2017 12:19

Or you could arrange to meet at 9pm with her thinking it's both of you.

Get there and breezily say "couldn't keep ds awake so it's just me".

If you're comfortable doing this it's a way of catching up with her face to face.

ItsNachoCheese · 21/08/2017 12:20

9pm for dinner?? Some nights im getting ready for bed then lol. My ds likes his routine and if he is still up later than his bedtime it throws him. Your friend is being unreasonable

Original poster
Mountainviewloo · 21/08/2017 12:20

Yes I suppose it did but in a very PA way!!!

OP posts:
GoodMorning1 · 21/08/2017 12:22

Is it possible she's acting out of character because your friendship has changed a bit since you had a child and she's maybe not getting as much time with you as she used to? I'm not excusing her behaviour - she really should have accepted your explanation and should be willing to work around your toddler's needs. But it might explain things.

In years to come she might have a child of her own then realise how silly she was in this situation. I can think of daft things I thought about having kids before i had one.

Serialweightwatcher · 21/08/2017 12:23

I'd stay in on your own, have a takeaway, put your DS to bed on time and tell her to bog off - not only does she mess you about with everything but then demands you keep a child up for her benefit even though it will upset his routine ... sorry but I'd be cancelling

Original poster
Mountainviewloo · 21/08/2017 12:24

Is it possible she's acting out of character because your friendship has changed a bit since you had a child and she's maybe not getting as much time with you as she used to?

Possibly, but we were never in each other's pockets or anything.

OP posts:
SapphireStrange · 21/08/2017 12:27

So what are you going to do? Meet up with her without DS? Or forget it?

Willow2017 · 21/08/2017 12:30

Tbh after her last message about You not being flexible after Her saying she can't get out of her bed to meet up at 11 in the morning I would be telling her to jog on.

roundturnandtwohalfhitches · 21/08/2017 12:30

I'm having Deja Vu. My friend did the exactly same thing to me when DS was about a year old. I went out of my way to suggest alternatives and got the whole 'If you aren't willing to drag your non sleeping bf one year old across the city at 9 o'clock at night to see me for dinner you need to look at your parenting skills'. From a non parent. Funnily that was the last time I ever spoke to her- that was 8 years ago. In my case it was a control thing and she was jealous that I had a child. She wasn't much of a friend. Just don't go.

Kublakhan · 21/08/2017 12:33

I can't take my nuts 18m old to a restaurant at ANY time of day...! Blush

YANBU but it does sound like something strange is going great on behind the scenes if she's usually quite normal. Hopefully you get a chance to speak to her and sort it out.

DearMrDilkington · 21/08/2017 12:35

It sounds like she wants you to get flustered and struggle with your ds in a busy restaurant. I really can't see why else she'd keep insisting, nobody is that stupid..

Has she ever tried to embarrass you before?