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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or is my friend living on another planet?

361 replies

Mountainviewloo · 21/08/2017 10:38

A friend of mine I haven't seen for a while has asked to meet up at the weekend. She originally said could we meet for brunch and asked me to suggest a time and place so I suggested 11 somewhere central for both of us (this is a normal time for brunch right?!?!). She replied saying that was a bit early for her as she likes to sleep in at the weekend (fair enough, I did too pre-toddler), and suggested 1pm. I said fine.

She then a few hours later texted saying would I mind meeting for dinner instead as she'd forgotten she had a delivery coming. Again I said fine. She suggested we meet at 9pm. This to me is ridiculously late for dinner but whatever, I could live with it so I said fine, but just FYI I won't be able to bring DS (the original plan was for me to bring DS as she wanted to see him - this was her request, not mine as I'd much rather have a peaceful meal without him!).

She then said something along the lines of oh no why not, I really want to see him. I pointed out that 9pm was 2 hours past his bedtime. She then asked why I couldn't just keep him up. I explained that he would go into meltdown mode through overtiredness and no one would have a nice time.

She has now gone into a huff with me saying I am being difficult and he needs to be able to come "off routine" sometimes or he will be "impossible to manage" as he gets older.

Surely IANBU here?! I am not a dragon about his routine at all, but if I take him out for dinner at 9pm it will be hell for everyone involved. He's 18 months.

I haven't replied to her last message yet.

OP posts:
Mammyloveswine · 21/08/2017 12:39

9pm is not a normal time for a "family meal" with a toddler! My 19 month old goes to bed at 6:30 and gets up at 7:15-he would be an absolute nightmare in a restaurant at 9pm! I'd also not appreciate going out for a meal at 9pm and being confronted by toddlers in a restaurant! Fair enough routine is sometimes broken (weddings etc) but to disrupt a toddlers routine just for a catch up is not fair imo!

Original poster
Mountainviewloo · 21/08/2017 12:40

I don't really feel like seeing her after all this if I'm honest

OP posts:
Dina1234 · 21/08/2017 12:41

I take it she's childless.

BearsDontDigOnDancing · 21/08/2017 12:43

Is it possible she's acting out of character because your friendship has changed a bit since you had a child and she's maybe not getting as much time with you as she used to?

She is a grown adult woman! Not an unwilling older sibling struggling with having to share her parents attention with a new baby.

Do adults act like this just because their friend has had a baby and now they do not get the same time and attention as they were previously used to?

SapphireStrange · 21/08/2017 12:44

I don't blame you, OP. I do think seeing her face to face might be the only way of getting to the bottom of it – if you're that bothered about it...!

Original poster
Mountainviewloo · 21/08/2017 12:46

she's just text saying her flatmate is going to be in on saturday so she can now do brunch as originally planned, at 2pm.

God almighty, what a lot of bloody faff for nothing!!!!!!!

OP posts:
VodkaRevelation · 21/08/2017 12:49

I think, as she's been so rude, you should feel comfortable sending a rude reply back. Something like,

Inflexible?! You've been inflexible with your morning lie in routine. That's how we've come to be discussing the ridiculous suggestion that I bring my child to dinner at 9PM. Next time you're out for dinner, count the toddlers. It will take you zero seconds as all parents know dinner with a toddler at 9pm is bound to be a complete fucking nightmare.

VodkaRevelation · 21/08/2017 12:49

I don't think she knows what brunch is!

Willow2017 · 21/08/2017 12:51

But she still can't be flexible herself and get out of bed before 10!

Is she worth all the hassle?

ChilliMary · 21/08/2017 12:58

I have a friend who tells me she knows exactly what it's like to have children because she has a small dog (but no children). Subsequently, she has in the past to given me advice on child care. She has no clue.

fullofhope03 · 21/08/2017 13:01

YADNBU. And she sounds extremely selfish. XX

Crunchymum · 21/08/2017 13:06

Now I live in central London but I'm pretty sure even the most low key of places (Wagamamas, Burger Union, Pizza Express) would raise an eyebrow at a toddler coming for dinner at 9pm?

I obviously don't know for sure as I've never taken my toddler out for a 9pm dinner as it's just bloody stupid

(That said we've been on holiday but generally toddler would be sleeping in stroller by 9pm)

Where was the suggested dinner venue?

TippyTinkleTrousers · 21/08/2017 13:06

I really don't think I would want to meet her at 2pm after she had screwed around that much.

She sounds like a narrow minded, self absorbed pain in the arse.

Even before kids I knew kids tantrumed when tired.
She's being a twat.

Crunchymum · 21/08/2017 13:07

Please point out to her that 2pm isn't fucking brunch. Cheers

SapphireStrange · 21/08/2017 13:07

God, what a palaver.

Maybe the delivery thing wasn't true in the first place, she's realised she's been a tit and is (in a way) trying to make up for it?

SapphireStrange · 21/08/2017 13:08

PSI think you CAN count 2pm as brunch. The point of brunch is that it's laid-back and weekendy.

ThePants999 · 21/08/2017 13:09

How on earth is 2pm "brunch"!? That's late even for lunch.

chips4teaplease · 21/08/2017 13:10

Your friend is a cunt. Eat without her.

Motoko · 21/08/2017 13:10

I wouldn't have thought many restaurants would allow children in after about 8pm.

So now she wants to meet at 2pm, not 1pm as originally planned? I don't know OP, I just get the feeling that something will come up last minute (maybe even when you're already on your way to meet her) and she'll cancel. I wouldn't feel like going now. She's mucked you about and accused you of being inflexible, when it's actually her who's been inflexible.

Pre child, in your relationship with her, was she the one who usually took the lead and got her own way every time? I just wonder if that was the case, and you used to let her get away with it because it was easier, but now, you have to put your DS first and she doesn't like it.

Original poster
Mountainviewloo · 21/08/2017 13:13

I just wonder if that was the case, and you used to let her get away with it because it was easier, but now, you have to put your DS first and she doesn't like it.

Yes could be. She's always been a loyal friend to me but our relationship dynamic hasn't really moved on much from school - we were in a group of 3, and she was the sensible one who always told me and friend 2 off when we got into trouble of any sort. Obvs we are all adults now so friend 2 and I no longer get into scrapes but she still has a tendency to treat us both as wayward teenagers and be fairly demanding.

She never used to be quite this bad though.

OP posts:
mogloveseggs · 21/08/2017 13:16

9pm? I'd be bloody starving and cross never mind a toddler!

4691IrradiatedHaggis · 21/08/2017 13:23

"I guess in that case if you can't be flexible I'll have to miss out on seeing DS this time"WTF

If this is for real (seriously, how can anyone be as inflexible and insane as your "friend?!" ) then ignore her.
You are being SO not unreasonable, and she's being inexplicably so.
If you feel the need to message back (I think I'd have to!) say "You know I'm here to go out with you and want to catch up, but as you keep cancelling and refusing to meet it doesn't seem like you really want to. Let us know when you're available for a mutually OK time."
Then ignore the daft cow unless she decides to grow a brain cell and cops on to herself.

4691IrradiatedHaggis · 21/08/2017 13:25

she's just text saying her flatmate is going to be in on saturday so she can now do brunch as originally planned, at 2pm.

Just seen this. Say sounds good, see you then. If she stands you up last minute or dicks you about again, seriously ditch.

HouseworkIsASin10 · 21/08/2017 13:25

Sounds very controlling.

It's like she was just testing to see how far she could make you jump to her tune.

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 21/08/2017 13:35

I would not bother meeting her and tbh, that would be the end of our friendship because she is so rude, demanding and flaky. The cheek of her trying give you advice about his routine, that would be the kiss of death to the friendship. She is not a friend she is an idiot.