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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or is my friend living on another planet?

361 replies

Mountainviewloo · 21/08/2017 10:38

A friend of mine I haven't seen for a while has asked to meet up at the weekend. She originally said could we meet for brunch and asked me to suggest a time and place so I suggested 11 somewhere central for both of us (this is a normal time for brunch right?!?!). She replied saying that was a bit early for her as she likes to sleep in at the weekend (fair enough, I did too pre-toddler), and suggested 1pm. I said fine.

She then a few hours later texted saying would I mind meeting for dinner instead as she'd forgotten she had a delivery coming. Again I said fine. She suggested we meet at 9pm. This to me is ridiculously late for dinner but whatever, I could live with it so I said fine, but just FYI I won't be able to bring DS (the original plan was for me to bring DS as she wanted to see him - this was her request, not mine as I'd much rather have a peaceful meal without him!).

She then said something along the lines of oh no why not, I really want to see him. I pointed out that 9pm was 2 hours past his bedtime. She then asked why I couldn't just keep him up. I explained that he would go into meltdown mode through overtiredness and no one would have a nice time.

She has now gone into a huff with me saying I am being difficult and he needs to be able to come "off routine" sometimes or he will be "impossible to manage" as he gets older.

Surely IANBU here?! I am not a dragon about his routine at all, but if I take him out for dinner at 9pm it will be hell for everyone involved. He's 18 months.

I haven't replied to her last message yet.

OP posts:
craftsy · 21/08/2017 11:03

She should have absolutely accepted your explanation of why it wouldn't work once you told her. But she's probably never seen an overtired toddler so has no idea what it's like. For me nap time was sacrosanct but there was one person who absolutely insisted I mess with it and it could take a week to get ds back to normal.

Original poster
Mountainviewloo · 21/08/2017 11:03

The whole thing is so weird I'm wondering if something else is up with her.

She's not replied to my message yet though I can see she's read it.

OP posts:
Deploycharitygoats · 21/08/2017 11:04

DeludedDoris has it. Maybe she can't countenance changing her weekend lie-in routine because her mother wasn't flexible enough with her routine at 18mo? Wink

Original poster
Mountainviewloo · 21/08/2017 11:09

She has now asked if we could maybe meet next weekend for dinner at 9pm as that would give me time to "prepare" DS Confused

I seriously am lost, I almost think she is pulling my leg it's so absurd

OP posts:
SapphireStrange · 21/08/2017 11:10

YANBU and she's being silly.

However, I TOTALLY disagree with I would politely point out that she does not have a child and therefore knows nothing about kids. That just sounds high-handed and potentially very hurtful; even as someone who voluntarily doesn't have kids, I find it patronising to have it 'pointed out to me' that I don't have them; and I have friends who don't have kids but would dearly love them who get very hurt and upset by comments on them not knowing anything about children.

Just say again, politely, that you cannot keep DS up to this hour and therefore dinner won't work for you/him.

MrsOverTheRoad · 21/08/2017 11:11

YANBU I had a friend asking me to meet at 9.30 for "brunch"

I explained that would be breakfast!

She thought "Brunch" was just a style of breakfast!

SmitheringSmithison · 21/08/2017 11:13

Shes an idiot! I'll be honest I probably wouldn't even reply to that last message. Although if you fell obliged to something along the lines of 'His bedtime is 7pm, I don't need to prepare him. If you want to meet up than daytime is convenient for us, if not no worries'.

SapphireStrange · 21/08/2017 11:13

There might be something wrong, OP, if this is so out of character. Maybe phone her and talk, rather than messaging? Might get to the bottom of it better.

Original poster
Mountainviewloo · 21/08/2017 11:13

I tried to call but she wouldn't answer!

OP posts:
MiniCooperLover · 21/08/2017 11:15

Just tell her she's being ridiculous, you aren't keeping him up any more than you were willing to ask her to miss her lie in. She's not making an effort for you, don't do it for her.

MyBonnieLiesOverTheOcean · 21/08/2017 11:18

Just weird!

Ask her how many toddlers she usually sees in restaurants at 9pm.

SapphireStrange · 21/08/2017 11:18

If you can't get her on the phone then I'd go with Smithering's suggestion.

IHeartDodo · 21/08/2017 11:20

I think I'd have a meltdown if I didn't get dinner till after 9... and I'm 26!

StormTreader · 21/08/2017 11:24

"As adults, we have to work around the needs of little children, even if its not what we would choose. DS needs to be in bed by 7, so we can either have dinner with him at 5.30, or dinner without him at 9. We could also go back to the original plan of having lunch if thats easier for you. Which would you prefer?"

Creatureofthenight · 21/08/2017 11:25

If you're delaying til the following weekend why can't she go back to the original plan to meet for brunch/lunch?
It doesn't matter if you've got children or not, anyone with an ounce of sense should know it's not generally a good idea to have an 18 month old out at 9pm.

JackietheBackie · 21/08/2017 11:25

9pm is too late for me never mind a toddler. If I was out for a meal at 9pm (which I would never be as that is time for a cuppa and a biscuit not dinner) I would be beyond pissed off if someone rocked up with a toddler. Obviously there are exceptions, and sometimes circumstances don't leave any other option, but really she is being a self absorbed twit.

Twickerhun · 21/08/2017 11:29

I was a much better parent, and handed out excellent advice, before I had my own kids.
Just keep responding that unfortunately 9pm is too late for your child and you'd like to see her before 6pm

SapphireStrange · 21/08/2017 11:30

9pm is too late for me never mind a toddler.

Yes, me too, and I'm 42. Grin

DancesWithOtters · 21/08/2017 11:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RhubardGin · 21/08/2017 11:35

Who in their right mind would think it normal to take an 18 month old out for dinner at 9pm!

Your friend is an idiot, sorry 😂

LadyMaryCrawley1922 · 21/08/2017 11:35

9pm is a perfectly normal time for dinner for adults. And my toddler would be just fine coming with us.

However if it doesn't work for you you should say so and she should have some manners and not push it.

Please do remember that everyone is different though and what is normal to you is not to other people. Manners do go both ways, you know.

GabsAlot · 21/08/2017 11:36

i dont eat dinner thats late whats wrong with hr why cant she meet during the day

only on spcial occasions should kids be up late going out i mean an that still depends on the individual

ScrumpyBetty · 21/08/2017 11:37

Someone is definitely being massively unreasonable here. And it is not you

RhubardGin · 21/08/2017 11:37

She has now asked if we could maybe meet next weekend for dinner at 9pm as that would give me time to "prepare" DS.

I seriously am lost, I almost think she is pulling my leg it's so absurd

Why 9pm?? That's so strange!

You'll just need to tell her straight that she is being a fruit loop.

Confused
TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 21/08/2017 11:38

So she doesn't want to see DS badly enough to drag her arse out of bed to meet at 11.00 am, but she insists that you keep him up for her convenience till you've finished a dinner starting at 9.00 pm.

She's developed a severe case of self absorption since you last saw her (when DS would have been much smaller and perhaps you could be flexible about things).

This friendship may have run its course, or at least be moving on to a very different footing.