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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or is my friend living on another planet?

361 replies

Mountainviewloo · 21/08/2017 10:38

A friend of mine I haven't seen for a while has asked to meet up at the weekend. She originally said could we meet for brunch and asked me to suggest a time and place so I suggested 11 somewhere central for both of us (this is a normal time for brunch right?!?!). She replied saying that was a bit early for her as she likes to sleep in at the weekend (fair enough, I did too pre-toddler), and suggested 1pm. I said fine.

She then a few hours later texted saying would I mind meeting for dinner instead as she'd forgotten she had a delivery coming. Again I said fine. She suggested we meet at 9pm. This to me is ridiculously late for dinner but whatever, I could live with it so I said fine, but just FYI I won't be able to bring DS (the original plan was for me to bring DS as she wanted to see him - this was her request, not mine as I'd much rather have a peaceful meal without him!).

She then said something along the lines of oh no why not, I really want to see him. I pointed out that 9pm was 2 hours past his bedtime. She then asked why I couldn't just keep him up. I explained that he would go into meltdown mode through overtiredness and no one would have a nice time.

She has now gone into a huff with me saying I am being difficult and he needs to be able to come "off routine" sometimes or he will be "impossible to manage" as he gets older.

Surely IANBU here?! I am not a dragon about his routine at all, but if I take him out for dinner at 9pm it will be hell for everyone involved. He's 18 months.

I haven't replied to her last message yet.

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 21/08/2017 13:36

sapphir brunch is between breakfast and lunch hence the name its not abotu being relaxed an weekendy

she sounds derangd how old is she op

Crinkle77 · 21/08/2017 13:40

She is a loon. I don't have kids but even I know this is too late for kids to be up. Even if it never crossed her mind once you explained then most people would say 'oh yeah never thought of that sorry'. She actually just sounds quite selfish.

PollyFlint · 21/08/2017 13:42

I don't have children but I would never dream of asking someone to bring an 18-month-old to any evening meal, let alone one that starts at 9pm. It would just be stressful for everyone concerned, surely!

Some of my friends are more flexible about routines than others but I don't think any of them would be happy to bring an 18-month-old to a restaurant at 9pm.

SonicBoomBoom · 21/08/2017 13:43

I'd text her saying

"Ok, will do 2pm then if that suits you better. Is everything OK with you?"

AdalindSchade · 21/08/2017 13:44

Do you even want to see her now?

certainlynotsusan · 21/08/2017 13:45

Glad it's resolved, but she sounds loopy.

I'd just have replied with "I am available from x am to y pm to meet for breakfast/brunch/lunch/afternoon tea or dinner. If you'd like DS to come too he will be available from x am to z pm as then he has to go to bed"

I know I've got kids, but in my world the plans fit around either the person with the most kids or the person with the youngest child.

lookatmenow · 21/08/2017 13:45

i agree with HouseworkIsASin10

i would turn up without DS for brunch at 2pm and say he fell asleep and i wasn't waking him but lovely to see YOU :)

SapphireStrange · 21/08/2017 13:47

Thank you for the patronising post, Gabs, but I did know that about brunch.

By 'relaxed and weekendy' I mean that timings for meals, and in general, often shift to later at weekends. So if your breakfast on a weekend is at, say, 11 am and you're going to have another meal which you could call a late lunch) at about 7, then brunch would still be the meal between breakfast and lunch.

4691IrradiatedHaggis · 21/08/2017 13:48

I don't have children but I would never dream of asking someone to bring an 18-month-old to any evening meal, let alone one that starts at 9pm. It would just be stressful for everyone concerned, surely!

I'm thinking back to when my eldest was a toddler (he's a teen now.) Not a chance on this earth would he have been out that late, he went to bed at 6pm! Grin
The amount of people you'd get though saying usually family saying "oh, he can come to so and so's party/meal and go to sleep in the corner if he's tired, surely?" or "put him to bed at 9pm, that way he'll get used to it/have a lie in in the morning!"
Completely ignoring the fact that I'm not stupid enough to have never tried that, but it just made life unbearable for everyone due to the hours long sheer meltdowns that ensued! plus he'd still get up at 5am even if you were to put him to bed at 10pm

Whinesalot · 21/08/2017 13:53

Any suggestions for the name of the other planet she is obviously on?

Rarotonga · 21/08/2017 13:54

Utterly baffling behaviour!

Original poster
Mountainviewloo · 21/08/2017 13:57

put him to bed at 9pm, that way he'll get used to it/have a lie in in the morning

Haha, my mum likes to come out with this one - DS wakes at 5 like clockwork whether he's in bed at 6 or midnight!!!

I've texted her back confirming I'll see her there with DS. God knows if she even wants me to bring him, I'm confused now!

OP posts:
mummabubs · 21/08/2017 13:58

Holy moly I completely understand why you wouldn't want to meet with her after her attitude so far! (For the record I couldn't eat that late either, makes me feel sick! And I'm due my first child soon and can guarantee you come 18 months old I'm sure keeping their bedtime routine and keeping them calm/asleep will trump my friends demanding to see child on terms that suit them!) Hope it goes ok if you do decide to meet up with her x

AlternativeTentacle · 21/08/2017 14:00

What has her flatmate got to do with it? Can she not leave the house unless they are in? How fucking weird.

SapphireStrange · 21/08/2017 14:03

Tentacle, apparently she was going to have to wait in for a delivery, but now the flatmate is in she doesn't need to.

Original poster
Mountainviewloo · 21/08/2017 14:05

haha tentacle, no she just moved brunch to dinner because she had to wait in for a delivery

OP posts:
AztecHero · 21/08/2017 14:15

Oh I'd just text back and say; 'sorry, I've lost interest'.

LaContessaDiPlump · 21/08/2017 14:16

OP, when you meet for this long-awaited event you need to open with the words 'I don't know what nocturnal toddlers you've been spending time with, but mine is NOT one of them. He would be hell on earth after !!' PA laugh and smile Grin

On pain of MN death, do not apologise for quibbling over time!!

ssd · 21/08/2017 14:18

op, if your friend doesnt have cats I'll eat my hat.

Anatidae · 21/08/2017 14:21

Oh I'd just text back and say; 'sorry, I've lost interest'

Grin do this.

ssd · 21/08/2017 14:21

in fact, I say 2-3 cats??

well?

Original poster
Mountainviewloo · 21/08/2017 14:22

ssd

she HATES cats! In fact she won't often come round to my place because I have two of them.

she is not an animal person.

OP posts:
ssd · 21/08/2017 14:23

oh well!

Anatidae · 21/08/2017 14:24

she is not an animal person

Perhaps suggest something nocturnal as a pet? I hear the Desmodontinae are charming

MimiSunshine · 21/08/2017 14:25

I am sat secretly laughing at my desk at this:
if breakfast is say, 11 am and you're going to have another meal which you could call a late lunch) at about 7

Calling it late lunch when it's 7pm is I think is a stretch too far and if anyone I know suggested it I'd think there was something wrong with them.

Otherwise why not say it's still morning at 2pm if you got up late, after all it's only been a couple of hours since you woke up 😆