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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

or is my friend living on another planet?

361 replies

Mountainviewloo · 21/08/2017 10:38

A friend of mine I haven't seen for a while has asked to meet up at the weekend. She originally said could we meet for brunch and asked me to suggest a time and place so I suggested 11 somewhere central for both of us (this is a normal time for brunch right?!?!). She replied saying that was a bit early for her as she likes to sleep in at the weekend (fair enough, I did too pre-toddler), and suggested 1pm. I said fine.

She then a few hours later texted saying would I mind meeting for dinner instead as she'd forgotten she had a delivery coming. Again I said fine. She suggested we meet at 9pm. This to me is ridiculously late for dinner but whatever, I could live with it so I said fine, but just FYI I won't be able to bring DS (the original plan was for me to bring DS as she wanted to see him - this was her request, not mine as I'd much rather have a peaceful meal without him!).

She then said something along the lines of oh no why not, I really want to see him. I pointed out that 9pm was 2 hours past his bedtime. She then asked why I couldn't just keep him up. I explained that he would go into meltdown mode through overtiredness and no one would have a nice time.

She has now gone into a huff with me saying I am being difficult and he needs to be able to come "off routine" sometimes or he will be "impossible to manage" as he gets older.

Surely IANBU here?! I am not a dragon about his routine at all, but if I take him out for dinner at 9pm it will be hell for everyone involved. He's 18 months.

I haven't replied to her last message yet.

OP posts:
mylaptopismylapdog · 21/08/2017 11:40

Suggest nice afternoon tea as a compromise and just have something come up if she doesn't go for it.She is being critical and inconsiderate.

riviera01 · 21/08/2017 11:42

How about texting her and asking her around to yours for a glass of wine and some dinner . Tell her to come at 7pm and she can spend time with DS .
Perhaps as you say there is something else going on . You never really know .

Nuttynoo · 21/08/2017 11:42

9pm is a normal time for a family dinner. It just doesn't work for you, which is fair enough. But the amount of judging here really gets my goat - it's perfectly possible to have a normal 9pm family dinner every night with toddlers without the need for social services involvement!!!

TieGrr · 21/08/2017 11:43

Wow.

Yeah, it's good that kids can come 'off routine' sometimes but for a special occasion, like a wedding or a holiday or a panto. Not dinner with some inflexible idiot.

3luckystars · 21/08/2017 11:43

'No I can't meet you at that time because my child is in bed'

'I can meet you on my own but my child is in bed at that time.'

If she keeps harassing you then just say to her that you are not meeting her at all.

PumbletonWakeshaft · 21/08/2017 11:44

This is bonkers - how selfish can you get! You'll have to put your big girl pants on and give her a big fat NO.

I have a friend who is equally clueless about the needs of little ones and towed me & DS around for 3 HOURS for "lunch" last week as she wanted to find somewhere gluten-free (she isn't coeliac).

We ended up getting chips from a kiosk and I took them home as DS needed a nap and was having a meltdown Confused

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 21/08/2017 11:46

Can you compromise and invite your friend to your house? That way you can put DS to bed when you need to?

With me & my friends it's always seemed to work that daytime meetings include children and evenings out do not. I'm not suggesting that law has to stand for everyone, but it seems to be the norm in my experience.

AragornsManlyStubble · 21/08/2017 11:47

Total loony. 9?!

I've been asleep an hour by then!

AvoidingCallenetics · 21/08/2017 11:49

Taking an 18 month old to a restaurant in Britain, past 9pm is not going to be a popular move! She does know that babies are prone to crying (especially when tired)?

BellaNoche · 21/08/2017 11:50

There is something not quite right going on with her. I wouldn't be keeping a little child up to meet her... especially if you have not seen her for some time. Her behaviour is bit strange ...invite her to your house or meet her on your own....not fair on the little one.

Original poster
Mountainviewloo · 21/08/2017 11:52

Ok I replied saying we could do lunch next weekend if she wants as 9 is just too late for DS OR I could meet her at 9 for dinner without DS.

No judgement from me on those who have dinner at 9pm btw, I just personally get hungry way before that (as I've been up since 5 so lunchtime for me is at about 11!!). BUT I can live with that, it's fine.

She replied then saying "I guess in that case if you can't be flexible I'll have to miss out on seeing DS this time"

WTF.

OP posts:
Willow2017 · 21/08/2017 11:57

She won't change her routine to meet your ds but expects you to change his for the privilege of meeting her?

Ridiculously entitled behaviour.

I would tell her where to stick 9pm dinner too it's far too late for me to be bothered to go out for a meal never mind a toddler.

Tell her to get back to you when she has grown up.

3luckystars · 21/08/2017 11:58

'The baby is in bed at that time and so are most other children at that age. Sorry if you think my baby isn't flexible but I can meet any time and am very flexible. '

PumbletonWakeshaft · 21/08/2017 11:58

Your reply: "In that case I'll postpone til you're feeling less selfish"

Wtf is wrong with people!

lemonsandlimes123 · 21/08/2017 12:00

She probably isn't actually that interested in seeing your son! My guess is she was trying to organise something he couldn't come to because at some point out of politeness she has said she would like to see him and now you assume she is as interested in seeing a small toddler as she is in seeing you, her actual friend. Most toddlers are deeply dull but you can't say that to their parents so you say 'ooh yes i would love to see him!'

TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 21/08/2017 12:01

I lost some people I had thought were friends at this stage. It was very sad. My oldest child simply could not cope with late lunch, tea, bedtime. He had a hideously unsociable timetable. He was late diagnosed with autism, but I can't go back in time and explain I really wasn't being awkward. And we've all drifted apart too much.

Sorry this is happening to you.

BitOutOfPractice · 21/08/2017 12:01

Yeah, it's good that kids can come 'off routine' sometimes but for a special occasion, like a wedding or a holiday or a panto. Not dinner with some inflexible idiot.

This. She's deluded!

I am amazed at how early some of you eat and go to bed Shock

user1493413286 · 21/08/2017 12:01

God that's really ridiculous! 9pm would be too late for dinner for me let alone 18 month old! Going off routine is one thing when it's a wedding or party etc but just for her convenience is silly. Plus it's not her who then has to manage an over tired child.

RockinHippy · 21/08/2017 12:02

Your friend is behaving like an entitled arse. She needs her sleep, so 11am is too early for her. Pisses you around all day over times, ending in a stupidly late dinner date where she still insists you bring your toddler & then thinks YABU for politely declining with a very valid explanation.

She's bonkers

Original poster
Mountainviewloo · 21/08/2017 12:03

My guess is she was trying to organise something he couldn't come to because at some point out of politeness she has said she would like to see him and now you assume she is as interested in seeing a small toddler as she is in seeing you, her actual friend. Most toddlers are deeply dull but you can't say that to their parents so you say 'ooh yes i would love to see him!'

I 100% could get on board with this but when she asked me if I could meet up (only a week ago), she said "and please bring DS, I'd really love to see him!"

I wouldn't remotely mind if she wanted to meet me without him there, that would be my preference too!!!!

OP posts:
pinkunicornsarefluffy · 21/08/2017 12:03

I would message her back, and suggest another weekend at 11am, so she "has time to prepare herself", for an early start Grin so that she can drag her own arse out of bed to meet at 11am. Grin

Seriously, what planet IS she on?

It doesn't sound like she will let this drop, so I would just message back that it is a shame that she can't be more flexible herself, and to let you know when she is free in the daytime if she really wants to see DS.

TheMogget · 21/08/2017 12:04

"If you can't be flexible..." Confused

I honestly don't think I'd bother.

If you want to reply you could point out you are available anytime between 5am and 6.30pm if perhaps she could be a little flexible...

SmitheringSmithison · 21/08/2017 12:04

'I'm not the one being inflexible, in fact I've offered you anytime throughout the day up until 7pm, you can only do 9pm which is fine but ds is in bed then and like most people he likes his sleep'.

lemonsandlimes123 · 21/08/2017 12:05

So just say he won't be coming, no biggie. Like i said I guess she said that and then regretted it or simply said it out of politeness, particularly as you were initially looking at meeting during the day.

Original poster
Mountainviewloo · 21/08/2017 12:07

Like i said I guess she said that and then regretted it or simply said it out of politeness, particularly as you were initially looking at meeting during the day.

OK but then why did she make a fuss when I said I would meet her at 9pm without him? Confused

Makes no sense.

OP posts: