or is my friend living on another planet?

[Mountainviewloo]

A friend of mine I haven't seen for a while has asked to meet up at the weekend. She originally said could we meet for brunch and asked me to suggest a time and place so I suggested 11 somewhere central for both of us (this is a normal time for brunch right?!?!). She replied saying that was a bit early for her as she likes to sleep in at the weekend (fair enough, I did too pre-toddler), and suggested 1pm. I said fine.

She then a few hours later texted saying would I mind meeting for dinner instead as she'd forgotten she had a delivery coming. Again I said fine. She suggested we meet at 9pm. This to me is ridiculously late for dinner but whatever, I could live with it so I said fine, but just FYI I won't be able to bring DS (the original plan was for me to bring DS as she wanted to see him - this was her request, not mine as I'd much rather have a peaceful meal without him!).

She then said something along the lines of oh no why not, I really want to see him. I pointed out that 9pm was 2 hours past his bedtime. She then asked why I couldn't just keep him up. I explained that he would go into meltdown mode through overtiredness and no one would have a nice time.

She has now gone into a huff with me saying I am being difficult and he needs to be able to come "off routine" sometimes or he will be "impossible to manage" as he gets older.

Surely IANBU here?! I am not a dragon about his routine at all, but if I take him out for dinner at 9pm it will be hell for everyone involved. He's 18 months.

I haven't replied to her last message yet.

Hilarious.

My PIL used to try to get us to come out to dinner late with our children when we were abroad as in their country, children stay up late and dine with their parents. But we knew that ours didn't ever adjust to that routine for only a week or two and would not be happy and contented on someone's lap til 10/11pm, then sleeping in til 10am (more like screaming from 7pm and awake at 5pm). So, we just used to say 'no'.

Your friend is being very silly and unsupportive, my PIL were selfish(I want to have a nice dinner at 9pm, stamp feet) and she is too.

My Dad was a bit like this with DD. Never understood boundaries and routine and made me feel a bit psychotic and a killjoy for trying to structure life around it where possible.

Funnily enough he's the first to say now how well behaved she is and how this is probably down to her good routine!

I eat late at home. And stay up late. I don't have young dc any more. And even I'd think "crikey that's late for dinner. It'll be nearly 10 by the time we're eating mains". She's nuts

Tell her when she has a kid then she will understand what "routine" means.
I would just say let's arrange another day when she's free all day so you can meet up earlier. 9pm is past my bedtime let alone DD!! Haha

She clearly doesn't have kids!!! She's too funny! And what is up with that keep re-arranging?? I wouldn't have said yes to dinner after she had re-arranged the first time - 11 is perfect for brunch. Clue is in the name

Does she live abroad normally. Eating late is normal in some places but 9 pm is on the very late side. And as for expecting your 18 month old to go along at that time, no way. Why can she say afternoon on a day she isn't expecting a delivery?

My madcap theory. She's carrying on with a married man, fed up with coming second to his family's needs,being petulant and you're in crossfire ?

Just a thought - although it sounds nuts - if she is resentful of you for whatever reason - could be that as you've had a baby, you haven't been available for some time or as some pple have said, she resents your family life in some way - could she have picked that ridiculous time for dinner and insisting you brought your son because she wanted to see you fail? You not enjoying the meal maybe because he needed attention, can't have a good chat etc. Beats me why anyone would want to go to dinner with an 18 month old when they didn't have to though!

9pm would be late for me to eat and stay out! And I'm supposed to be a grown up. Silly woman....

Do you know what I think? I have two theories to add to the mix. I understand you say she is single, but perhaps the reason she was avoiding your phone calls is because she wants to tell you face to face her exciting news that she is pregnant. She desperately wants to meet up and to bring your son along will add to her excitement that she will be having her own shortly and it gives her the chance to pick him up and play with him etc. The early morning rescheduling (if you could indeed call 11am early) is probably horrendous morning sickness that sustains and thus she is unable to get herself together til later in the day. She probably realised how impossible it would be for her to do a lunch after she suggested it to you. Hormones etc would then, perhaps, explain her weirdness and irrationality. The other theory, she is suffering from some level of depression. She may or may not be looking to tell you what's up, again, face to face, and is frustrated because she so does want to meet with you but is self-absorbed as a result of the depression.

Nah, she's just a controlling person who's not used to not getting her own way.

Going out at 9pm (with the objective of staying out a few hours as well) with a young child is completely bonkers!

I'm sure the friend will realise this if she ever has her own children and realise what a dick she's been!

Hope you're ok op?

What a nasty cow. No matter what she has going on she has no excuse for being like this with her friend.

I know what people mean though about 'not getting it' until you've had kids. I was a right judgy pants before I had kids of my own - would never have been nasty like that though jeez!

I'd be ignoring her from now on, block on Facebook for the meantime (or at least unsubscribe so you can't see her posts) and leave the ball in her court. I'd certainly NEVER meet her again without a decent apology and explanation of her strange behaviour. Why on earth does she think she should be put before your toddler? She wants to see him, she makes an effort! Imo she doesn't give a f*ck about seeing your child she's just being difficult. Anyone who cares about a child would not expect said child to be dragged out at 9pm! She seemed like she was looking for an excuse not to go, just odd why she fought you on it afterwards? Batshit - just batshit!

So your son is 18 months old and she hasn't met him yet? Have you met up at all since you had him? People can change a lot in the two years + since you were pregnant / be influenced by their new friends and their norm. Either way she sounds nuts. YANBU.

Just to update, I had a day of silence and then yesterday night a text from her saying how hurt she was that I didn't want to see her and I didn't want DS to get to know her

I replied saying that I had wanted to catch up with her and was more than happy to rearrange for a daytime catch up when DS would actually be a functioning human being and not in meltdown mode, or I was happy to meet her for dinner without him

She replied saying she could see I was determined to be unreasonable and she wished me good luck as DS would turn out to be a nightmare if he didn't learn to be flexible with his routine

At which point I blocked her, on my phone and on facebook.

I spoke to our mutual friend about it and she wasn't a bit surprised, but I am. I have no idea what has brought this on but I can't have my son and I being attacked in that way.

Omg @mountainviewloo that's unbelievable. What a fruit loop!!! She doesn't have any idea what she's talking about. You've done nothing wrong and sad though it is, you don't need that level of bonkers in your life!

Jesus wept. She's a special kind of crazy isn't she? Good on you for blocking her x

OMG - she is totally off her rocker.
You said you DID want to catch up and then she accused you of being unreasonable.
You did the right thing in blocking her.
You do not need that crap in your life.
Well done!

Wow @mountainviewloo she's batshit.

But please remember, this is nothing to do with you. It's about her wanting people to bow to her way of seeing things and doing things. She's very entitled and also clearly a bit crazy. Especially her ideas about parenting when she has no kids. She's wrong by the way... your DS will grow up lovely because he has a mum who puts his care first instead of dragging him out as an accessory at all hours like she wanted you too.

Block and move on is my advice.

It would be so hard to maintain the dignified silence after that. I'd have to text back. "You think I'm being inflexible when I've offered various options when you are the one fixated on 9pm? I think you'll find that it is you being inflexible"

A bit pointless probably but I'd have to send that.

Also I'm not sure why your last update wasn't highlighted like all your other posts.

I know why - NC fail!

I NC a lot as I post things that are fairly outing - like this haha