Would you move to America if you were me?

[BenDuck]

DP is from the US and we have talked for a while about going to live there (East coast) and the conversations are now getting more serious, he is starting to look for jobs etc. I'm still feeling really conflicted though. Part of me wants to, mostly because I fucking HATE brexit and like to be away from it all but also because we would be able to afford a really lovely house there. There is loads of stuff that bothers me though- having to drive everywhere, lower food standards, Trump.
I also worry about my position legally. I'm currently a SAHM but earn a little doing evening work (that I wouldn't be able to do there) so would be v reliant on DH. Esp. as would be hard to get a working visa. I worry about what would happen were we to divorce- would I be stuck there unable to bring DC back to UK (they have dual citizenship)?
Anyone been in a similar boat???

A PP said to make sure the DH gets health insurance for OP when he negotiates his job. Can I ask what happens about health insurance when someone retires?

ThumbWitchesAbroad

No i wouldn't call it standard. Walmart for instance is no leave in your first year and you earn 1 day a year after that. An example of a bad company

A good example. DH has 10 days, that goes up to 15 next year after 4 years of service. He also has flexi time and the ability to work from home

Every company is different

whiteroseredrose

Health insurance will come with the job if it's a good company, and it will cover the whole family. Normally the company will pay between 80-100% of the premium for the whole family No need to negotiate that.

Most companies will say if you work for us for 10 or 15 years then when you retire and you can keep your insurance policy with us

Thanks Kursk - that's interesting and appalling at the same time (the annual leave stuff)>

I wouldn't. Healthcare. I have US based friends and even with good insurance they have to pay out $$$'s

Given your attitudes I don't think that America is the place for you.

whiteroseredrose to answer your question about insurance and retirement, on the day you turn 65 you're automatically enrolled in the federal health insurance program, Medicare. There's the option to purchase private insurance that works with it my grandfather's retirement package from his job included one of these supplemental plans and retirement planners over here will usually take this into account when you start looking at how to save.

To add to the holiday time discussion, companies have definitely started to unbend on this a bit as the world has gone more global. I think multi-national companies realise you can't attract foreign talent on the current standard! DH has always negotiated up to a "normal" holiday allowance when he accepts a new job; in the job I've just accepted they've offered the usual 25 days I would have seen in the UK without me having to ask.

I'd do it, but only for a few years as an adventure. Or else I'd have to be sure there would be good career opportunities for me and enough money to visit family back home regularly.

With your DH being from the US, did he always say he wanted to go and live there again at some point?

I'm American, DH is British. It didn't even occur to me to bring my children up there. I was worried about all sorts of things, mainly health insurance and employee protection (esp maternity leave), plus how we'd pay for things like university.

Make sure you have cast iron health insurance and also look into your husband's employment contract. If he is on an expat package, I guess they'll look after you and you won't have the same concerns that a local would have. I forget what the terminology is at the moment, but essentially they can be let go with a week's notice. More senior people tend to agree longer contracts but these still need to be renegotiated after a period of time (many seem to be two to three year agreements.) But the protection is nothing like you would expect here. Don't even get me started on maternity leave (although not a factor for you.)

WRT health insurance - even if you have a good one, look into sick leave. I had a colleague who needed some surgery and he was going to be put on disability pay instead of full salary if he didn't get back in time.

It really is a very different mindset in that regard.

I mean - going over as an expat for three to five years would probably be a great experience. You will meet people from time to time with interesting views to say the least. The thing that may affect your day to day life more than someone like Trump though is just the US as the starting point for everything, people are brought up to think it's the centre of the universe, which can be wearing.

The university I went to now costs $64K per year for room and board. My children won't be going to university in the US. If you're thinking of staying longer, bear it in mind that your kids may expect this to be a path open to them if their friends are doing it. A US school wouldn't have a clue how to help them get into a British uni.

The 10 days vacation is not necessarily true. I had 22 days in my old job and my new job has 4 weeks.

Every FT job offers healthcare. What you need to look at is cost of coverage. DH has full coverage along with reimbursement of all copayments. My employer offers full coverage and they pay 90% of the copayment. Employers know that to get talent they need to offer good benefits.

My employer also gives me a company laptop, pays for my phone, home internet and we get lunch everyday (which adds up!).

We do live in a very high cost area. Dinner for 2 somewhere 'nice' is $200 by the time you include drinks and tip.

There are advantages and disadvantages to living here. If you are middle income I think you are better here. Lower or upper incone and you better off in the U.K.

College is expensive but in states like NJ you can do the first two years at community college which is about $9k a year. Also most private colleges have class schedules that enable you to work during term time.

College is definitely expensive, that's why I did postgrad in the UK. And it's something we took into account when we met with our financial planners, since we have two DC to think about and I want to help them even a little (NO chance we'll be able to afford the whole thing!)

What cost me £9k in the UK in 2015 would cost me $40k at the university where I did my undergrad studies, and it's for the same degree accredited with the same bodies.

Also WHERE are the posters paying $200 for a dinner eating?! We're taking our whole family out to celebrate my parents' 40th anniversary and the whole thing is going to be about $200!

(Except for the poster on the West Coast -- $200 for a dinner out there with the techie tribe? Sounds about right for even a trip to Olive Garden!)

If your DH is American you definitely need to consider the issue of divorce - you'll be locked in for good.

It depends entirely what your expectations are, university. I don't know anyone who did two years at community college and then transferred and you would never be earning enough part time to pay living costs or make much of a dent in the fees, whether private or state. I accept that I may have grown up in a bit of a bubble (also in NJ) and many things may have changed (I haven't lived in the US in 25 ys.)

Hi! Me. I did two years at a community college in NJ, then transferred (although I had one semester behind me at a "proper" school before I did that).

My oldest friend also did the same -- got her Associate's in Music at the same CC, transferred to a four year and did a nursing degree from there.

Absolutely correct that you'd never be able to make a dent in fees working part time though. It wasn't possible 20 years ago, it's even less possible now -- the tuition at the school I went to, for example, has quadrupled in that time!

Want2bSupermum I can see a state university or college might have more students who worked but not for the life of me a private college, just the opposite in fact. And the fees will be much higher at private college generally.

Gwenneh mine has gone up 100%. Salaries on graduation certainly have not. I can remember being on the equivalent of the milkround there with $40K starting salaries mooted for places like Booz, the banks. Students graduating today would be lucky to get that!

OVienna we've just moved house and in going through all of the boxes of memorabilia, I found my first tuition bill.

Full-time tuition at a fairly prestigious (not Ivy League but Princeton are our nearest rivals!) school for the semester was a princely $1,500. Housing was $5,500 with a full meal plan.

And even then I thought there was no way I'd be able to afford it!

I think if you can be confident it is not forever then why not live there a few years? Depending on area you are going to of course (East is a bit vague).

Generally the upsides are cheaper cost of living (except NY); more space; friendlier people; better range of cuisines (depending on whether you are near a decent city).

the downsides are expensive health insurance/no NHS and Trump (but he will be out soon enough).

I personally would move to one of the newer, more affordable cities (not NY, San Fran or LA) for the space and the much higher standard of living I could have there, with way more space and better stuff than I can afford here (I'm a high earner as is DH but live in London and so it goes nowhere).

You can buy high quality/better standard food at places like WholeFoods and similar so don't be concerned about that.

Wouldn't touch it with a bargepole. If you're white and affluent you will be fine.

But things like healthcare, fear, that seems to get ramped up by the media. Having to to converse with people who don't even have passports have never travelled, have no intention of travelling. A country that could allow Trump? The police (it's not just blacks they kill for little to no reason). No, not for me.

Gorgeous country though, space oh the space. Some lovely people, and getting to watch Game of Thrones before everyone. There are some benefits.

I'm currently a SAHM but earn a little doing evening work (that I wouldn't be able to do there) so would be v reliant on DH.

Do you have any qualifications or skills that could help you work in the US. You could end up resenting him if you struggle to find something you enjoy doing. I think you need to plan more about what you want to do after your kids go to school.

My dh is American. The early reason we don't move there is the weather. Snow from Nov ti March. Floods March to may then 100 degrees all summer with odd tornado throw in, no thanks. That's in the mid West, where he's from.
East coast isn't so extreme but they so have scorching summers and a lot more snow than us in winter.

Nothing else would put me off

Just for an example. A friend recently needed an MRI. they charge the insurance $30K for this. My friends employer has medical insurance that covers 90%.
The MRI cost her $3K

I have lived in Denver CO, St Louis MO, Tuscola IL and in a town in Alabama. Hated it after 2 weeks. I would rather live on an island in the outer Hebrides than in America. Fab place to visit though.

One thing is for certain... If you don't drive, you're screwed. Public transport barely exists outside of New York. Everywhere is only accessible via highways...