Would you move to America if you were me?

[BenDuck]

DP is from the US and we have talked for a while about going to live there (East coast) and the conversations are now getting more serious, he is starting to look for jobs etc. I'm still feeling really conflicted though. Part of me wants to, mostly because I fucking HATE brexit and like to be away from it all but also because we would be able to afford a really lovely house there. There is loads of stuff that bothers me though- having to drive everywhere, lower food standards, Trump.
I also worry about my position legally. I'm currently a SAHM but earn a little doing evening work (that I wouldn't be able to do there) so would be v reliant on DH. Esp. as would be hard to get a working visa. I worry about what would happen were we to divorce- would I be stuck there unable to bring DC back to UK (they have dual citizenship)?
Anyone been in a similar boat???

Thanks - that's really helpful. I didn't know a lot of that especially that colleges try to get your child to apply. I believe our college admissions and financial aid meetings are in October and DD is doing something called Junior Seminar this year where they let her know how it all works...

I didn't know a lot of that especially that colleges try to get your child to apply.

It's a little insane. My DD got stacks of brochures from colleges and universities.

In the end, she applied to 4 schools:

• - she applied to our state university that has a great program in what she is studying. Even if your child is thinking of going out of state or a small private, this is bit like getting insurance. Easier to get in, usually a lot less expensive. If something goes wrong, it's there.

• - one "reach" school. She looked honestly at her chances of getting into schools, and only applied to one that might be out of her reach. She didn't waste tons of time applying to scads of school where she had a low chance of acceptance.

• - a couple of other schools, chosen for various reasons. She is now attending one of those, and quite happy with her choice.

College applications are generally completed the summer between Junior and Senior year. Different schools have different due dates. I kept a master calendar of due dates, testing dates, etc. By Christmas of Senior year, it's over.

Some parents really work to package their children, and I feel like there is a bit of hysteria to the process. None the less, the kids we know seem to have been accepted / given scholarships for core things about themselves. For my DD, that was math ability as shown on the SAT. For one of our friend's son (who moved to America as a teen) it was rugby ability.

When you start to visit colleges, be sure and contact them ahead of time. Often, high school visitors are allowed to sit in on a class, meet students, or even stay overnight in the dorm. At the university my DD is now attending, the school arranged for her, her father and I to have lunch with 2 students already in her major. It was great. Just contact the school ahead of time.

@BeAlert - if possible, I recommend that both you and your husband go to the sessions offered by your DD's school. My DH missed them due to business travel and he was completely lost throughout the process.

You and your student will need a collegeboard.org account. Collegeboard is the clearinghouse for standardised test registration and scores and will send you e-mail reminders of what you should be doing. They do a lot more besides.

FAFSA applications were due last November iirc, a change from the old January deadline. This means you are using an earlier year's tax return then formerly. Even if you don't think you would qualify for any financial aid, do the FAFSA. You never know what you might qualify for, and families with incomes under $150,000 (iirc) are considered, with more financial aid obv going to students at the lowest income levels.

NY recently introduced free state third level for residents afaik.

One thing that elicited many a raised eyebrow from parents at the first parents' information night I attended many years ago was that private schools can sometimes be cheaper than state schools thanks to more generous financial aid/waivers of tuition and room and board. The best private schools offer to meet 100% of demonstrated need. Some now offer a 'no loan' package.

I just got an email just today from my DD4's school advising me of a presentation by the Princeton Review (publisher of AP study guides among other education related money spinners) focusing on the upcoming PSAT and what it can tell you about your chances in the ACT or SAT. DD4 is also a junior this year.

YYY to the heaps of college brochures that will arrive.

One thing the counsellors at the local high school really hammer home is that your safety school should be one you will be completely happy to go to.

Easier to get in

That depends very much on the state and the university. Some state universities are very difficult to get into.

@SenecaFalls - absolutely. Some are also very expensive in addition to being difficult to get into. California is a mess. It does depend on where you are. If it is problematic in your state, check which states that are close by offer a discount. This is a regional thing. For example, students from California can attend Arizona universities for less, students from Oklahoma can attend Kansas Universities for less.

I recommend the book "Debt Free U" by Bissonnette. It's very interesting on the subject on paying for school, and has interesting tidbits about the admissions process as well.

We have one DD who is out of school now with no debt, and our youngest just started her 2nd year at an out of state university, still with no debt.

And honestly, private schools are cheaper for very, very few students. That is a tidbit that gets bandied about, so I think it must have been true at some point, may be the 70s. College costs have risen, and funding has dropped because endowment values dropped during the financial crises. You don't usually find out the scholarships / funding until toward the end of senior year, so my advice is to look at the sticker price and figure out one option that is doable even if someone else paying for it doesn't happen.

This is so helpful - thank you!

We're lucky that the school ds will be going to has so few students and such a massive tax base that most students going off to college get full sponsorship. One of the reasons I'm staying put!

We also know people with tenure at a few good local colleges and have also have family history with my top pick (Ds is 3 😂😂😂) and apparently there is a bit of that dreadful 'who you know' here still. He's going to MIT whether he fucking well likes it or not.

My perception (rightly or wrongly) is that the gap between rich and poor is much wider in the USA than the UK. I lived in the Midwest (mo) for 3 years and it seemed you either lived in a nice district, with good schools and facilities or were dirt poor with very little cross over/integration between the two and it's something I'd feel uneasy about long term.

My DCs got amazing financial aid in private universities just in the last few years. The financial aid packages were included in their acceptance letters, so they knew what they were signing up for.

I’ve lived in the U.S for almost 45 years and much prefer it to England.

Where I live is very rural and it’s what’s known as a 'red area’ in other words it votes conservative in a big way. Everyone is so helpful and friendly here. If you stop for some reason along the road people will stop and see if you need help. There were only 12 kids in my oldest son’s class (year) in high school and 20 kids in my other son's. The teachers were great.

My parents would visit us often and were astounded that we didn’t lock our doors, even when we went away for a few weeks. We also leave our car/pick-up keys in the ignition on our place and in the nearby small town. I love the fact we have free-speech and are trusted to buy weed and guns. When pot became legal in our state I went into a pot shop and bought some, even though I don’t use it, just because I could, lol. I bought a gun for the same reason...fired it once and that was enough. I love the freedom we have here.

When I moved here I never thought I come to love it so much and prefer it over the UK. It just grew on me.

England has changed so much since I left.

Charolais what's the ethnic proportions where you live. For me living somewhere with a healthy mix is important especially if I'm raising children.

Also I get the vibe (from family members era stateside) that in the US blacks talk about being black all the time and whites like to ignore these issues, especially if they have one black person they'd invite to the annual bbq, making it a non issue in their eyes.

If I got a really good job with good healthcare I'd go. BUT, I'm American/British dual national and my kids are, too. And all my family are there. In your position I'd go if I could consider it permanent because if you divorce and he doesn't allow it the kids might have to stay there.

If you have the means to come back if you aren't happy and will have very good insurance, then yes, you should. Travel is amazing and rarely regretted.

Expat does make a good point about children in a divorce though, forgot to mention that! Same anywhere though sadly.

I love the fact we have free-speech and are trusted to buy weed and guns. When pot became legal in our state I went into a pot shop and bought some, even though I don’t use it, just because I could, lol. I bought a gun for the same reason...fired it once and that was enough. I love the freedom we have here.

Freedom to take drugs and kill people - yeah!!!

I disagree on the gun front but weed being illegal while alcohol isn't is ridiculous.

My Dad in the UK can't survive without weed due to several life limiting illnesses which cause him tremendous amounts of pain. I wish he didn't have to jump through hoops and face prosecution to get medication which bakes him to have a more bearable quality of life.

We had free speech.

Now we have a president that arrests journalists.

Of course we still have free speech.

NameChanger22

Guns don't have to be used to kill people.

There are towns with an ethnic mix, they tend to be in the lower warmer states. The northern cold snowy states are mostly white.

You’re correct, but the main purpose of a gun is to kill animals or people.

They can also be used to threaten or commit crimes including rape, kidnap and armed burglary.

Did I miss anything? I can’t think of one single good use of a gun.

Personally for me it's about teaching discipline, control and the ability to hit a target.

It's a tool that allows us to harvest our meat for the winter.

Well, as a vegetarian I don't see 'harvesting' meat as a good thing.

As for discipline and control - nah, I'm not buying it.

Guns are very bad. They make everyone much less safe. Unfortunately America seems obsessed with them. To many people in the UK guns make Americans look completely crazy and violent.

Well, as a vegetarian I don't see 'harvesting' meat as a good thing.

Well yes but harvesting it by hunting and shooting your own meat is surely far preferable than buying meat in the supermarket harvested from animals who have lived and died as fodder for humans.

I'm as anti-gun as the next person - more so but I have no problem with people in Kursks community using guns to live - that is fine. I do have a problem with every 2-bit hard guy wannabe having a gun. I also think the proliferation of guns is contributing hugely to the police being so nervous and gun-triggery.

But people in rural Maine shooting their own food - way better ethically than buying it in Whole Foods imo.

I agree with that, Pallisers.

My own Irish farming forbears had guns - in one case used to protect sheep from marauding dogs and to put animals out of their misery if seriously injured somehow, and in the other for hunting.

I am all for strict regulation of gun ownership and for gun owners to have to have insurance.