Would you move to America if you were me?

[BenDuck]

DP is from the US and we have talked for a while about going to live there (East coast) and the conversations are now getting more serious, he is starting to look for jobs etc. I'm still feeling really conflicted though. Part of me wants to, mostly because I fucking HATE brexit and like to be away from it all but also because we would be able to afford a really lovely house there. There is loads of stuff that bothers me though- having to drive everywhere, lower food standards, Trump.
I also worry about my position legally. I'm currently a SAHM but earn a little doing evening work (that I wouldn't be able to do there) so would be v reliant on DH. Esp. as would be hard to get a working visa. I worry about what would happen were we to divorce- would I be stuck there unable to bring DC back to UK (they have dual citizenship)?
Anyone been in a similar boat???

There is no single US justice system, for a start.

@Seneca falls exactly and it's still mostly bad. Death penalty much? The Piers Morgan 'docu' (bit of a stretch to call anything he does a documentary but whatever) where many of the women refused to admit what had happened, just a blank look going on. Denial. I can't really put my finger on it but instinctively American culture deeply disturbs me. Fine for a visit and shopping but won't be getting its claws near my kids. The Kardashians, real housewives of Beverly Hills and botched are big american shows. Probably sums up my issue better than I can right now in midst of my journey. officially signs off to play nice

if you take your impressions of a country from televised trials and instragram then you can't be surprised people think you are ignorant. Fine if you don't want to live in the US - there are loads of place I wouldn't want to live but you must surely expect people to react when you say silly things.

Why it would be like me judging the entire british justice system on the scandalous and sustained miscarriages of justice in trials such as those of the birmigham six or the guildford four. Or mocking people's regional UK accents (insert blank thick face as appropriate).

I am raising 2 young women in the US. Plastic surgery isn't even on the radar of things we worry about. But then I don't follow plastic surgeons on instagram.

@pallisers neither do I but I do keep an eye (to do with my job) - I have also lived in the US and travel there. So I'm not basing it on a tv show. Im also not offended or concerned that people are defensive - I hardly expect Americans living in America of their own free will to agree with me. Yes there are miscarriages of justice in England, ireland and Europe. But no it is not institutionalised lack of intelligence as it is in the US. In my humble opinion. So I don't mind the reaction at all but nothing anyone could say to me would mitigate my feelings surrounding some of the lunacy that occurs in the US - to me the gun laws alone are an absolute freak show. Nice from a distance and for a short time - but not a long time.

I hardly expect Americans living in America of their own free will to agree with me

You do realise most of the people on here are British?

But no it is not institutionalised lack of intelligence as it is in the US

Well you would think that - you are a British person living in Britain of your own free will. From where I stood it looked much like institutionalised racism and lack of intelligence.

I also would find it hard to raise a young woman in Ireland or Northern Ireland where access to abortion is almost non existent. But I don't make sweeping generalised sneery comments about the intelligence of the people in those countries.

I'm British. Lived there for almost 40 years and prefer America.

The Kardashians, real housewives of Beverly Hills and botched are big american shows. Probably sums up my issue better than I can right now in midst of my journey.

So is The Simpsons. Are all Americans yellow and animated?

OP I made a similar thread but that was just about a road trip rather than moving there and while I think I have now decided to go, I'm dreading when we actually come to plan and book it. I hope I end up having a nice time though.

@sarahsue1. On behalf of Americans, please stay away from our country. We have quite enough crazy people already without adding a deranged British person.

All other Brits: if you come here and our paths cross, I'll show you where to British import food, help with school grades/standardized tests reports/ etc, help sort out health insurance/ prescription forms, etc. Because my DH's company moves people over, I've done all these things for British women. It's easy since I've been married to a Brit for over 20 years and understand fairly well how things work on both sides.

I also understand that you like bangers more than our sausage, but on that we'll have to agree to disagree. None the less, I'll make sure you know the one shop in town that has them.

Some things I can explain- like Thanksgiving and the electoral college. Other things I can't, such why Americans eat corned beef and cabbage on st Patrick's day, or why the kardashians are popular.

I do say "hi, how are you?" to greet people. I respond to many events (the birth of a child, a death, any crisis) by making lasagna and chocolate cake and taking it over. I make toffee for my neighbors for the holidays, and wish my Jewish neighbors happy hanakuh. I suppse we all carry on with some of what we were raised with just because it feels right. There are many problems in the US, this sort of thing is not the problem.

For the record, I've raised 2 daughters here and both work in male dominated fields. They both think plastic surgery is crazy. Their make up use peaked in middle school, and has been declining ever since. Somehow, they got the crazy idea that how they use their minds and how they treat people are more important than how they look.

@trailingwife i think you need to stop 'taking it over' going in with the lasagnes and the toffee etc etc etc - the big munchies too many americans treat themselves to for every problem or celebration is what's making them so bloody fat!!! . No one cares about bangers or sausages i care about school shootings etc etc etc. I can buy toffee from a shop at home - no one needs the 'takeover' american lady shovelling food down their throat - do gooders central ignoring what's actually going on in your own surroundings - oblivious as pigs in shit.

Sarahsue- you're an unpleasant, ignorant, rude, xenophobic twat. Hth.

Deletion will be worth it.

@finderkeeper just keepin it real honey saying what i think in the land of the free - this hasn't upset me, it's my opinion. Soz!

For someone not basing her opinions on tv shows, you seem to have based a lot of opinions on tv shows. Not even just opinions - you seem to have worked yourself into a considerable lather over the material you have chosen to wallow in.

You also seem to have some sort of morbid fascination with subject matter that you loathe. Maybe get off your couch and sort out your issues with other people's body shapes and sizes, and your weirdly angry and suspicious attitude?

And chill?

Meanwhile back at Sarahsue's company headquarters in London

"god, our US numbers are tanking. What on earth is happening? We have Sarahsue over there constantly, travelling the USA, meeting with people, but they seem to like us less not more."

Hur hur

TrailingWife - you sound wonderful!

While I've found the US wonderful to live in, I have also found that it's a challenge dealing with a lot of the 'newness' even 10 years in.

I can keep up with the electoral college and sausage without rusk in it (what?!) and even who's winning at football and why (sort of), but then they throw SATs and PSATs and ACTs at me and once again I'm a floundering idiot.

Also, my 16yo and 14yo (American) daughters have zero interest in make up, plastic surgery, boobs, getting their teeth straightened, or the Kardashians.

OTOH they both like pizza and ice cream, and they are kind, interesting, genuine people, so I reassure myself that they are American where it matters.

@bealert do you have some one to help you through the whole getting ready for university thing? The counseling office at your childrens high school may be very helpful. Or send me a private message.

I've sent 1 child to university in the US and have 2 more going next year and the year after. In my experience high schools are really on top of this and explain it well - also they do a good job of making it the student's responsibility.

Off topic but what's the sausage thing? Someone mentioned rusks, but I buy sausages from the butcher and theirs aren't made with rusks (a selling point). So what's the difference?

I do think the high school will be helpful although it's a small boarding school with just one counselor so hopefully she's good. DD1 just went into junior year so it's all just about to kick off in terms of college visits, testing, etc. I think the fact that neither DH nor I went through the US school system makes us feel a bit unsure of what happens when...

I am the complete opposite of an expert having lived in the US for four days, in our new house for one day. I can report however that we have had two interactions with police officers and on neither occasion have we been shot for approaching them, although I must add that the two we spoke to in the park were pretty rubbish at giving directions and looked rather surprised at being asked to do this. The second cop was behind us in the line at a hotdog place and started chatting to my dd about good places to visit in the city as a kid. There are bound to be problems with guns when there are as many floating around as they have here but wild generalisations in any country aren't sensible.

Our local cop is one of the only Trump supporters on the island but very pro tight gun control laws and a throughly lovely guy.

He's also half Native American and not a stitch racist.

He'll do anything for anyone. He let us shower at his house when our power was down for a week and offered to do our laundry. He's also amazing with the teens. Any of them he catches smoking weed or drinking in public (the smoking now legal but only recently and drinking in public very bit legal) he just takes their car keys away until the next day!

I do think the high school will be helpful although it's a small boarding school with just one counselor so hopefully she's good. DD1 just went into junior year so it's all just about to kick off in terms of college visits, testing, etc. I think the fact that neither DH nor I went through the US school system makes us feel a bit unsure of what happens when...

I also have a rising junior. Usually there is a college admissions night/meeting at the school for parents early in junior year and usually a separate one for financial aid. They give you handouts explaining the PSAT/SAT/ACTs and when to take them. College visits start junior year - it can be helpful to do a large campus/small college/state uni visit early on so your child can get a feel for what kind of place they might like. The applications are all done by december of senior year - might even know at that stage if doing early decision or early acceptance (one is binding one isn't). I found the final part of senior year amazingly relaxed by comparison to the Irish system.

The thing to realise about the college process is that it is to some extent like a game of tennis. Colleges want as many people as possible to apply. As soon as your child does the PSAT or SAT, colleges will start writing to her/him urging her to apply. They want a really large application pool so their acceptance rate looks good (low - hard to get into - desirable). If they do accept your child then they also want your child to take the place - so their "yield" looks good.

We've done the private schools of new england applications and college applications and college are easier imo - the student does nearly all of it and there really is pretty much a college for everyone that would be a good fit.