I'm an American married to a Brit, currently living in the US. We socialize with other "mixed" couples as well as British couples who live here. The states are huge, and people live very differently in different parts.
- Some people drive a lot, some not at all. It depends on where you live and how you structure your life. One British mom I know drives less in the US because her kids' swim team is closer to their home. It all depends.
- Because your DH is an American, you qualify for a green card. You just fill out the paper work and write a check, and wait. You can probably do it over there. After you've had a green card for a certain number of years, you can apply for citizenship if you want to.
- the food people have access to here really varies from place to place, and for the poorest Americans, I agree that is it dismal. However, the middle class has tons of options including organic produce, quality meats, British imports, etc. We buy our meat from an organic farm not far from where we live. It's ideal. Brown sauce, salad cream, and branston pickle are always in the fridge.
- I completely agree that figuring what happens if the worst happens is important. I think you should be frank with your husband about it. Perhaps draw up a post nup about what happens if you guys split in the states. If he isn't willing to have a sane conversation with about it and provide you assurances in writing, then don't move. You give up so much power when you immigrate. He should be able to see that, and be willing to ensure that he will not screw you over.
Moving internationally with children is VERY stressful. It will put pressure on your marriage. You guys need to go in strong, being honest with each other that its not all unicorns farting rainbows.
Having watched several British women move over, some love it, some never really settle and want to be back with their extended families, and some really don't seem to care one way or the other. Would your DH move back to the UK to save your marriage? To see the children regularly even if the marriage couldn't be saved? We do know children whose parents live on opposite sides and who fly once a year, alone, to see the other parent. We always found it motivational to keep working things out.
Our school system is different, and our health care system is in upheaval. Yet, I'm quite sure we've had a higher standard of living than we would have in the UK, and that our kids have had more opportunities than we could have provided them there. Part of how it goes will depend on how you approach it, if you look for the positive and make the most of it, or fixate on the negative. The UK and US are both very nice countries, but they have different strengths.
Trump will go down, mostly likely long before you could immigrate. Neo Nazis are a tiny, tiny minority. On a day to day basis, none of that nonsense affects my life any more than it affects yours. People here are actually pretty friendly and polite to each other. 