To be upset at friend not offering a lift?

[jenniferl1983]

Just home from a cinema trip with a friend. I don't drive but she passed her test a couple of years ago. When we went on nights out prior to this we got the bus or shared taxis or if one of us was picked by a relative offered the other a lift too. Normally we meet up in the centre of town (5 min walk home for her/20 min bus ride home for me) but tonight we went to a cinema the opposite side of town.

There is a cinema much closer to me (20 min walk at most) but she has a prepaid cinema card which is for a different chain so we have to use cinemas that she has the card for.

She drove to the cinema tonight and I got 2 buses and had a 50 min journey there. I had worked out the buses previously and there was a chance I could get the last bus home from the cinema (22.58) if the film finished promptly however the last bus from the town centre was due to leave 2 mins before that bus got to town.

I didn't want to ask for a lift directly but told her I would have to leave straightaway and that it was the final bus etc but she just said the film should finish in time for me to catch that bus. I feel a but upset that she didn't offer and was happy to leave me to get 2 buses home at 11pm at night. I always ask her to text me when she is home when she has walked but didn't get the same from her. Still no text to make sure I got home safe now.

For clarity it's very rare she gives me a lift, maybe 4 times since she has passed and I have always offered a bit of petrol money or paid for parking. If she had dropped me off it would have added 15/20 minutes to her journey.

In the end I managed to catch the bus from the cinema to the town centre but missed the bus from town to home. My DP ended up waking our daughter up to get me as I didn't want to walk 30 mins alone in the dark or pay a high taxi fare.

I am considering our friendship but maybe I'm being over dramatic?

One of the worst things about being a driver is non drivers expecting that it's a given you'll be happy to just "give them a lift" or "drop them off"... even if petrol money IS offered. It's annoying.

Next time I'd suggest going to a more local cinema to yourself. As for 'switching your phone off to see if she really is concerned about you'... I take it you're too old to actually be on a school playground?

Next time just tell her cinema not convenient and refer to particular incident. If she doesn't take the hint then just tell her need to restrict cinema outings to more convenient one.

It literally wouldn't have crossed my mind to check that the OP had arrived home safely after an evening out if I was the 'friend'. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm suprised other posters think it's thoughtless or unkind not to check.

Its common decency, especially if she's taking public transport late at night by herself.

Next time she suggest that cinema, just ask if she could could drop you home afterwards as you missed your bus last time. If she's a good friend she'll say yes.Sadly, it may not have occurred to her that you'd like a lift.

I do understand the comments about drivers being an assumed bus service. But you don't sound like someone who takes advantage.

I hate all the why don't you drive questions.
Money,nervous driver,medical issues.
Think to many people rely on cars these days and don't get many people get along finexpensive with public transport.

meant fine with public transport.

And most of my good friends are more than happy to offer lifits your friend just sounds thoughtless op.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all OP.
I'm always designated driver as I'm virtually tea total.
I meet up with an old friend every few weeks for a meal
She always chooses the day/time/restaurant. It's always local to her but as I'm passing her road I pick her up and drop her home.
We recently had a meal planned, but I had car problems. I could have gone by bus and got my OH to pick me up afterwards, but it's half mile to bus stop along an unlit lane with no pavement or verge which is a very fast rat run. Then two buses and a 15 minute walk at the other end.
So I couldn't get there in time amd asked if we could do it an hour later, but no, that wouldn't suit.
If the positions were reversed I'd have immediately offered to pick her up.
I tried to take it on the chin until I saw her FB status later that night "had a lovely evening with so and so, I'm so lucky to have people who are there for me when I've been let down".

I hate all the ''why don't you drive questions'' as well. I drive now, but for a long time I was in an abusive relationship and to say I was not encouraged to learn (nor afforded the finances required) would have been an understatement. I left, and at great expense when I could not really afford it I set about trying to pass the test. It took four goes and really undermined my confidence post abusive relationship! I already had PTSD and I ''flagellated'' myself every six months trying to pass a test that is perceived by some to be a measure of whether or not you're a proper competent responsible adult. And I kept failing it. Eventually though like the abusive relationship, things changed, eventually, I passed the fucking test whoo hoo. And I thought maybe maybe I can afford to run an 8 year old tiny one litre yaris. Well maybe i could if I had driving history. My driving history is now over two years old and the companies who quoted me at all acted like they were doing me a favour. I'm in Ireland so there's no point in well-meaning posters giving me tips.

OP, you're not unreasonable. If and when I ever get behind the wheel of an insured car I would certainly go out of my way, especially at night, to give a friend a lift. I'm so glad that the various friends who've brought me to bookkeeping classes and payroll classes over the years have been so kind. I really don't think for a minute that they were trashing me behind my back for not driving. They just 'got' it.

Hiya, having been at the receiving end of this kind of thing I understand completely how upsetting it is. Those who are calling you a drama queen may not know how rejected someone can feel at 11pm.
Next time I would ask for a lift when you are arranging the night out. "I can only get to that cinema if you can give me a lift home." Not your fault she bought a loyalty card for a cinema that is miles away from you.

Friendship my foot if she could be so careless with a 'friend'.
Why are people so nasty? So what if the child had to be woken up,rather than the Mother found in a ditch the next day.(Not that the 'friend' would even be aware of it even now)

So many pp making out as if this is a regular thing for the friend. It was one time, not indicative of past events, and certainly not indicative of a crap friend