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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be upset at friend not offering a lift?

463 replies

jenniferl1983 · 20/08/2017 00:28

Just home from a cinema trip with a friend. I don't drive but she passed her test a couple of years ago. When we went on nights out prior to this we got the bus or shared taxis or if one of us was picked by a relative offered the other a lift too. Normally we meet up in the centre of town (5 min walk home for her/20 min bus ride home for me) but tonight we went to a cinema the opposite side of town.

There is a cinema much closer to me (20 min walk at most) but she has a prepaid cinema card which is for a different chain so we have to use cinemas that she has the card for.

She drove to the cinema tonight and I got 2 buses and had a 50 min journey there. I had worked out the buses previously and there was a chance I could get the last bus home from the cinema (22.58) if the film finished promptly however the last bus from the town centre was due to leave 2 mins before that bus got to town.

I didn't want to ask for a lift directly but told her I would have to leave straightaway and that it was the final bus etc but she just said the film should finish in time for me to catch that bus. I feel a but upset that she didn't offer and was happy to leave me to get 2 buses home at 11pm at night. I always ask her to text me when she is home when she has walked but didn't get the same from her. Still no text to make sure I got home safe now.

For clarity it's very rare she gives me a lift, maybe 4 times since she has passed and I have always offered a bit of petrol money or paid for parking. If she had dropped me off it would have added 15/20 minutes to her journey.

In the end I managed to catch the bus from the cinema to the town centre but missed the bus from town to home. My DP ended up waking our daughter up to get me as I didn't want to walk 30 mins alone in the dark or pay a high taxi fare.

I am considering our friendship but maybe I'm being over dramatic?

OP posts:
Original poster
jenniferl1983 · 20/08/2017 23:08

WooWooSister - thank you, I intend to stick with my plan. Tbh I think she'll decide to go on her own rather than offer a lift but we don't go to that cinema often and not all films will end that late so hopefully won't have to put the plan in action.

OP posts:
YouCallThataKnife · 20/08/2017 23:12

fritz yes, I am old enough to remember those days. Back then we used a magical instrument inside the house and a well known code system honoured by many- the '3 rings'
I think there are quite a few here misreading what OP is saying, this is supposed to be her friend and this is not how friendship should be. OP has not been unkind with her words and yet still this person is not coming out great in this story.

RhodaBorrocks · 20/08/2017 23:14

OP I would have given you a lift. My friends and I often give each other lifts and if it's offered and on their way then petrol money is not required.

I don't like female friends walking home alone at night, in bad weather or if I'm going in similar direction. I won't insist if they say they're totally happy to walk though.

One non-drinking friend left me in town after a drunken night out and was quite rude about it - we were all walking to the taxi rank and she offered the others in the group a lift home then said her car was full and although she was going out of her way for the others I was 'too far' - I lived another five minutes up the same road!

Luckily I wasn't sloshed as l don't drink much and l do have the means to afford a taxi so I ducked into a late opening pub whilst I waited, but other friends were horrified and one took her aside to quietly say that it wasn't on leaving someone alone, especially when you offer to take everyone else home in front of the one you're leaving. It did rankle a bit tbh.

As far as money goes, if I'm asked for a lift I only expect standard mileage rate of 41p per mile, rounded up to the nearest 50p/£. So 4 miles would be £1.64, so I'd find £2 reasonable, none of this £5 nonsense, I'd not be able to accept that as that's cheeky in itself, but I have a compact car with a small and very fuel efficient engine.

overduemamma · 20/08/2017 23:16

I think it's mean op that your friend didn't offer u a lift, something similar happened to me a while back. I was 38 weeks pregnant, everyone had drive to the destination but I got the bus (cars were full at that point) but on the way home I asked Someone who had 3 spare seats in their car if I could grab a lift and she said no I'm
Not going that way. She'd of only had to do a little de-tour. So I ended up getting the bus home at about 11pm. Safe to say I didn't speak to her much after that!! X

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 20/08/2017 23:24

I don't know anyone in my circle of friends who doesn't drive. We all take it in turns to drive on nights out and wouldn't dream of not giving a friend a lift home, whether they could return the favour or not.

Op you need a new friend.

Felicitychipmunkx · 21/08/2017 00:03

She sounds very selfish.
I would see her on your terms in future.
I only just learnt to drive last month however my friends always gave me a lift another a night out and never would have taken money for petrol or parking! And I would do the same now if one wasn't driving.
She's an odd friend!

FritzDonovan · 21/08/2017 05:48

OP has not been unkind with her words and yet still this person is not coming out great in this story.
No, but as usual we only have one side of the story to go on. As I keep mentioning, and noone else seems to acknowledge, OP stated the friend usually asks if she wants a lift but she (OP) wasn't going to rely on this anymore. The way I see that, is that the friend is usually actually pretty considerate so shouldn't be vilified for not asking on this occasion, when OP didn't say her transport home was a problem. We don't know what was different on this occasion. And a lot of ppl who usually are the 'friend taxi' do on occasion want to just get home without giving others a lift, especially if there is no indication the friend has not arranged adequate transport.
OP, please can you, as I seem to be seeing it differently to most others, which has a direct bearing on fair comments -
You stated that the friend usually asks you if you want a lift?
Yet you haven't accepted the last 10 times?
Why not, and why is it suddenly so wrong that you weren't asked this time?

FritzDonovan · 21/08/2017 05:52

One non-drinking friend left me in town after a drunken night out and was quite rude about it - we were all walking to the taxi rank and she offered the others in the group a lift home then said her car was full and although she was going out of her way for the others I was 'too far' - I lived another five minutes up the same road!
If her car was full, where were you supposed to go? Yes, she shouldn't have offered a lift the everyone else, but tbh, if this happened I would be volunteering to catch a taxi with the left out person. Did any of the others do this? If not, they were just as wrong.

sparkli · 21/08/2017 05:53

YANBU

My parents never learned to drive, so growing up we walked or used public transport. I played a large, heavy instrument (too heavy to carry for long) in an orchestra. Rehearsals were in town and finished at 7.30pm. My Ddad would walk into town and wait the hour with me for the next bus home. One of my best friends played in the orchestra and her mum picked her up every week. She never offered me a lift home in the 5 years we were there, despite knowing how long we had to wait on the bus, even in freezing weather. I lived less than a 5 minute drive from their house. I didn't expect a lift, but it would have been nice, even just on a cold rainy night.

This experience made me vow that when I could drive I would always offer lifts to others where possible. 20 odd years later I still do. No way would I have let you go without taking you home.

Cailleach666 · 21/08/2017 06:38

sparkli this was the failing of your parents, not the mother of your friend.

Nikephorus · 21/08/2017 07:18

I don't know anyone in my circle of friends who doesn't drive. We all take it in turns to drive on nights out and wouldn't dream of not giving a friend a lift home, whether they could return the favour or not.
And since OP doesn't drive it's not like they can take it in turns! It's completely different when you can do that because it should work out fairly. As it is the OP can never return the favour so it's very one-sided.

Nuttynoo · 21/08/2017 07:24

If you can't afford the £8 for a taxi back, how did you afford the cinema and the bus fares? Outside of London a bus fare alone can be £5-6 plus you have the expensive cinema tickets, food, etc.

Cailleach666 · 21/08/2017 07:28

I have little patience for non drivers. I was married to a man who didn't drive.

It was very convenient for him.

NancyJoan · 21/08/2017 07:30

It's mean, or at least selfish/thoughtless. I go to the cinema with a friend all the time, and always , always drop her home, because she arrives on foot, straight from work and I drive from home. She never asks in advance, I never ask if she wants a lift, we just walk to my car and get in. And when we get to her house, we usually sit in the car for another 20 minutes talking. It's what friends do.

sparkli · 21/08/2017 07:32

Cailleach WTF? In what way did my parents fail me? My dad would always be waiting for me. We didn't suffer because my parents couldn't drive, far from it. I said I never expected a lift and my parents certainly never expected any favours. In fact they don't even expect lifts from me at all.

I was brought up to think of others and I truly can't understand why OPs friend wouldn't take her home late at night, knowing she had to take 2 buses to get there.

Cailleach666 · 21/08/2017 07:34

sparkli you are complaining about your friend's mother not giving you a lift.
Your parents didn't give you a lift either did they.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 21/08/2017 07:36

I have little patience for non drivers

I have little patience for those that come out with ridiculous comments tbh.

There are many reasons why some people don't/can't drive!

Cailleach666 · 21/08/2017 07:37

We didn't suffer because my parents couldn't drive, far from it.

Yet you are complaining about having to take a large instrument, waiting an "hour" at "freezing" bus stops. That sounds unpleasant.
And not something I would inflict on my children if I had the option to drive.

Cailleach666 · 21/08/2017 07:40

piglet- I will refine that comment.
I have little patience for those that choose not to drive.

CatsAreAssholes · 21/08/2017 07:41

Weird responses OP! You're doing friend a favour by spending more on transport to go to a further cinema (where you only get 1.50 off your ticket) and you'd spent an hiurnon transport. the least she could do is drop you at home. I'd be pissed off.

CatsAreAssholes · 21/08/2017 07:42

I have little patience for non drivers. I was married to a man who didn't drive.

Even ones with a spatial awareness problem rendering them unsafe??

bellaboo101 · 21/08/2017 07:53

@Cailleach666 seriously? Get off your high horse.

sparkli · 21/08/2017 07:56

Cailleach My parents didn't 'make me suffer' by never learning to drive, nor did they let me down in any way by being non-drivers Confused

ShatnersWig · 21/08/2017 08:00

There is a cinema much closer to me (20 min walk at most) but she has a prepaid cinema card which is for a different chain so we have to use cinemas that she has the card for.

No, you DON'T have to use those cinemas.

YorkieDorkie · 21/08/2017 08:01

Cailleach the roads are busy enough already, I think it's great that some choose to use public transport. It's not their fault that the services in many areas are insufficient.