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Original poster

DS wants to change his first name due to teasing

343 replies

mashedpotatoes · 19/08/2017 23:11

My DS has said for a few years that he doesn't like his first name but for the last year he has been getting teased at school because it rhymes with something insulting and he reacts aggressively when this happens.
Over the summer holidays he has chosen two names which he says he prefers rather than his real name. One day he says he prefers one name and the next day it's the other name.
I would be completely happy for him to change if he wants to, but what concerns me is the reaction of everyone else. To start with, I don't think DH is 100% convinced. As a new school year is approaching I think September would be a good time to do it, but I'm not sure how to go about it and if his school friends will accept it.
Does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:
Leilaniii · 20/08/2017 02:38

Do you think allowing him to change his name will empower him? I would have thought so, but don't know your DS.

I would allow him to change it. It's easy through Deed Poll, costs about 20 quid, takes a couple of weeks and you get a certificate.

To be honest, Owen is a bit wet. What are the names he likes?

AvaCrowder2 · 20/08/2017 02:40

My friend had a lump. She was called lumpy. She had the lump removed and got taunted with lumpless.

I would say the advantage of a laissez faire system is that you can threaten and intimidate the children yourself.

Good luck to you and your little Owen.

Isetan · 20/08/2017 03:50

To a nearly ten year old, changing his name would be an obvious solution but you must know that his name isn't the problem. The bullies can't be forced to use any new name he chooses and if they did, they'd probably find something else to taunt him over.

Your son is being bullied, it shouldn't be only his problem to resolve. Contact the school and get them to pull their finger out and you and his father should support your son with strategies to combat the bullies. Bullies feed off their victims distress and not giving them their fix, can go a long way in taking away their sense of power. Anger is a natural response to being humiliated but is often counterproductive, especially when it comes to bullies.

To all those posters who say the OP son should just toughen up, have obviously never been bullied or have clearly forgotten how vulnerable it is to be young and the target of meanness.

OP, your son is trying to find solutions to a huge problem, he needs support not dismissing.

Shadow666 · 20/08/2017 06:48

But the OP says that her son has no other problems at school other than his name spells out cunt.

If you knew a British boy who was otherwise happy and doing well at school but got teased because his name sounded like a rude word and he was sick of getting teased for it, then what would you advise?

Perhaps it's a simple problem with a simple solution.

kateandme · 20/08/2017 07:06

being this age I would actually worry more they target the pussy that got his name changed because couldn't handle the teasing. :S
if they have chosen him as their current target they will find anything.
if it doesn't turn into some light hearted banter it really means the bullys are nasty buggers not just kids therefore wont change because his name does.
I see why he wants to though.its a hard one.
have you talked to him honestly.
go to him sit and say is there anything else we can do.can we support you to help you through this.ask him if the boys are just idiots who might pick on something else.does he really think this will end it?

MrsOverTheRoad · 20/08/2017 07:10

Kate please don't say "pussy" when you mean wimp.

It's highly fucking offensive on a site used mainly by women.

No problem with the word pussy but it's a euphamism for female genitalia. Suggesting men or boys associated with female traits or features are lesser than others.

Fuck that.

Nobody means kitten when they say "You're a pussy"

GinIsIn · 20/08/2017 07:14

How often does he, or anyone say "c'est owen" though? It's slightly odd phrasing so I shouldn't imagine it comes up often?

Jooni · 20/08/2017 07:16

Daemon the sounded t you're talking about doesn't happen before proper names. I'm sure there are people who would say "set-oh-wen" but it's grammatically incorrect (French family here).

Anyway, OP, I have to agree that the bullies will likely just find something else to tease him for, since they seem to have latched into him as their target. I really think that teaching him to have an apparently bored/relaxed attitude to the teasing, maybe with some "casual" witty ripostes as suggested, is the way to go. I know it hurts, but the bullies get both a sense of victory and fuel for further taunts if they see that. Unfortunately, changing his name would broadcast that fact loud and clear.

I really feel for you both though. I was teased at school and it felt like the worst thing in the world at the time. I was a very shy child and I think that if I'd been able to give as good as I got then I wouldn't have been such a good target. Good luck

DS wants to change his first name due to teasing
Tanaqui · 20/08/2017 07:31

I guess "like I haven't heard that before" is a good response, but I'd be tempted to give him something really vile in English to retort with (and your a goatfucking sonofabitch) so he can really give it some venom!

mathanxiety · 20/08/2017 07:34

I am in the camp of those who can see the bullies teasing him for changing his name. (yyy to 'lumpy' and 'lumpless'). If he was changing schools, moving far away, and seeking to start afresh without the baggage, then it might be fine, but he is stuck with the people who know his current name, and more to the point, they know his personality and how he reacts to the teasing.

Please don't let him do it. He is being teased because those doing the teasing are getting a rise out of him.

Think of sarcastic ways of fending them off, with shrugs and eye rolls.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 20/08/2017 07:37

I'm afraid bullies pick on those weaker. Your son has shown his weakness by reacting to this teasing. Whether he changes his name or not, the nickname of 'con' or 'idiot' is with him now. And bullies will find another weakness to chip away at.

Whataboutus · 20/08/2017 07:42

I get it now and I would say, say-oh-wen without pronouncing the 't' and agree with pps that 'con' is an offensive word, worse than 'idiot.'

It's not particularly your son's name that's the issue. I think its unlucky that the the children have picked up on a silly pronunciation/spelling and it's stuck and led to teasing and bullying. It could die out or it could stick but I don't think he should change his name. You should sort it out with the school and there should be zero tolerance for any name-calling.

wanderings · 20/08/2017 07:43

As someone who was very shy and teased mercilessly as a child, indeed some of it was due to my name, my first piece of advice is don't change his name: I think this would be a victory for the bullies. As the bullies made the huge leap to mispronounce it, it's likely they would have found a way to tease him anyway. They might have found a way whether his name was John, Sam, Tim.

I always used to react negatively to being teased, so I suppose I was a target for it. I eventually survived the teasing with witty replies (one strategy I had aged 7 was licking my fingers with intent to wipe: it always worked to send bullies scarpering, but it eventually got me in trouble though, so I don't recommend it).

Grognassou · 20/08/2017 07:51

DaemonPantalaemon
I have lived in France pretty much all my life and can assure you would not pronounce the T in this situation.

CloudNinetyNine · 20/08/2017 07:52

I think some of the people going on about how it's 'not grammatically correct' or 'try just saying je m'appelle' don't understand how bullying works.
Could your boy say to the teacher "Madame, X and Y are spelling out C O N - con, what does that mean exactly - my mum's not sure".

wanderings · 20/08/2017 08:03

I think some of the people going on about how it's 'not grammatically correct' don't understand how bullying works.

This in spades.

LarkDescending · 20/08/2017 08:10

^^ Quite. It doesn't matter a jot how he introduces himself, or whether the bullies are phonetically correct - they have worked out that if they stick "c'est" in front of his name, pronounced this way, they get a cheap laugh at his expense.

LarkDescending · 20/08/2017 08:19

I don't know what the answer is though, and I feel for him, having been relentlessly bullied myself at school (for being "short" in my case - I was the youngest in the year).

I think I'd advise a weary eye-roll the next time it came up, with "haven't you thought of anything new to say over the summer". I wish I could go back to my 10 yr old self and treat my bullies with the disdain they deserved!

HeteronormativeHaybales · 20/08/2017 08:20

Is school compulsory in France? It is in Germany (as in home edding is illegal) and I have always thought that a good ultima ratio if I ever needed one (German schools not always that hot on pastoral care, alas) would be to pull my dc out of school and state to the authorities that school was failing to keep them safe enough for us to fulfil our statutory obligations. If the school is failing to listen - and it must be utterly miserable for him - a statement like that may concentrate minds.

I would agree with PPs that changing his name is unlikely to resolve this. It would be also an awful 'lesson' to the bullies in that it would demonstrate to them that they have power to influence an incredibly elemental part of someone else's life and identity.

GarlickGirl · 20/08/2017 08:21

Just name changed as this post is completely outing.

My surname is Garlick.
(Which some people think is French, which is weird as the word does not exist in French).
My son started senior school and was a shy sensitive soul from a small village school. He had a shock and he would come home in tears as they had gone for his name in a big way.
I taught him to say "yes, Garlic sausage, we keep vampires away and my breath smells. Come back when you have the brains, and the wit to come up with something new".
Stopped overnight.
We do occasionally both get comments but I just don't find them offensive (they are mostly good natured anyway) and he doesn't care as he is now a confident young man at uni.
(And I will be changing mine in a few years when I remarry).

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 20/08/2017 08:22

If he hates his own name, for whatever reason, let him change it, but he must be made aware, that bullies will always find another way to torment him. Ignoring them would be the way to go, without a reaction, the party's over, they'll pick on someone else.
Try to explain to him, that it's a bit like knocking on a door, if you keep knocking, and nobody answers, eventually, you'll walk away.
Essentially, he's feeding the dragons !
Just for the record, you can learn a lot from an idiot ! 😄

GreenTulips · 20/08/2017 08:24

they'll pick on somerlse

Yep pass that one on - or you could get the teachers involved and get it stopped so nobody else suffers

cdtaylornats · 20/08/2017 08:25

Owen means Warrior so he could translate it as one of these
www.meaning-of-names.com/search/index.asp?nm=warrior&stype=1

He could of course explain to the bullies that it means warrior but he can't translate it into a French name as he didn't think there were any except "singes capitulards bouffeurs de fromage"

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 20/08/2017 08:25

@GarlickGirl, I knew someone with the maiden name Duckworth, always jovially bullied ! When she married, she unfortunately became Mrs. Drake ... 😂

Janek · 20/08/2017 08:26

Re comebacks (and I may be wrong here, but), can I suggest that if these children are spelling out say-oh-enn then they are not even pronouncing Owen correctly, his name isn't oh enn, with equal stress on both syllables, but Ow en, with the stress on the first syllable and the 'en' more of a schwa(?).

Perhaps concentrate on pronouncing Owen how it's supposed to be pronounced (unless you want it pronounced in a French way, in which case, as you were...).