DS wants to change his first name due to teasing

[mashedpotatoes]

My DS has said for a few years that he doesn't like his first name but for the last year he has been getting teased at school because it rhymes with something insulting and he reacts aggressively when this happens.
Over the summer holidays he has chosen two names which he says he prefers rather than his real name. One day he says he prefers one name and the next day it's the other name.
I would be completely happy for him to change if he wants to, but what concerns me is the reaction of everyone else. To start with, I don't think DH is 100% convinced. As a new school year is approaching I think September would be a good time to do it, but I'm not sure how to go about it and if his school friends will accept it.
Does anyone have any advice?

bête and I studied together which is why I used her as an example BTW

@JimLahey

Connor?

Although I would have thought that was more Irish than Welsh.

Actually Bette is a recognised girl's name in France as are Catty and Donkey. (Cathy and Anne) along with Fanny and boys are still called Willy. These are official on-the-birth-certificate names, not nicknames.

Let him change it

The reality is that no one knows what will happen if he changes his name. Maybe the teasing will get better, maybe it will get worse.

I really like Owen but its just one of those things. Hope things improve for him as Jeremy.

Unfortunately if they have homed in on him as a victim they will more than probably still tease him. Could it be because he's an English child in a French school aswell? Have you spoken to the teacher so it's dealt with?

Is there a shortened version of his name you could use? I know it seems unlikely. Either way, I think you should let him change his name. Perhaps use a middle name if he likes that. And let him be open about why. No shame in not wanting to be called fuckwit... I'd also talk to his teacher so s/he can keep an eye on him.

If it's just teasing it will be happening to most kids and it's their reaction that matters. If you think it's bullying you probably need to deal with that too. But do be open about the reasons for the name change. Hopefully one day he will look back and laugh.

Does your son realise that Owen is a really 'masculine' name and that Jeremy is not? What about Owain? Surely nobody could alter that x

Sorry if I've upset any Jeremy's

The bullies keep doing it because he gives them a reaction. If he changed his name they'd probably find something else to rib him about (as well as being absolutely chuffed that they upset him so much he changed his name!) because he's now on their radar as being "sensitive" or "weak" for reacting in the way he did. He needs to find coping mechanisms instead. Finding a way to give the impression that it doesn't bother him at all even when it does. Bore the bullies is my advice and is something I did at school; they targeted me, so I faked it and gave an unemotional not bothered response and was never hassled again. They feed off negative emotion so don't give it to them.

What happens if he changes his name and the bullies find something else because he's proven that he bites bait so is great "sport" for them? Then what? Or he changes school and finds there are bullies there too. Then what? Or he's at work and a colleague is a twat. How is he going to deal with it? You can't avoid bullies, life is full of them, so IMHO it's far better to learn how to cope than to alter yourself to avoid them (which you often can't).

The bullies keep doing it because he gives them a reaction

Typical victim blaming there!!

Bullies bully because there aren't enough consequences at school

YOU as an adult are protected by law - you know the disability act, racism, bullying at work etc

Children don't have such luxuries they just have to suck it up and learnt to ignore it or not react - whilst the bullies get to carry on their shitty behaviour

In England and the rest of the UK Owen is a popular name.. I know lots of Owens

Do French schools not have anti-bullying policies and the like?

I would have thought the better solution would be for the school to get off its proverbial and stop the bullying.

Changing your name is a victory for the bullies.

Sorry if this is discussed somewhere on here, I've only read a few pages.

I haven't had time to trawl through the pages but didn't want to read and run. Poor lad. I can see the problem. I had a friend called Penny which caused particular problems with the French pronunciation!

Does he have a middle name or could you add a middle name? Sorry if you've covered it. It's not unusual to be called by your middle name or he could you both in different circumstanced (I.e. a French name and a uk name!). Owen is a lovely name. Does not attract bullying at our school.

We have had one girl who was bullied at a previous school for being called Fatima and she now goes by her middle name. Could a change of schools be on the cards?

When DS was 11 he went to secondary school and his lovely Y7 form teacher suggested to me that we should change his name to a similar but conventional name because of teasing. He didn't want to, had plenty of teasing/bullying but rode it out. On holiday at 14 a group of indie girls commented how cool his name was and his DS now has it as a middle name. What you do depends upon how your DS feels.
Light hearted thought: Tell the school his middle name is Glyndwr, or Glendower, and he should be called Glyn or Glen for short!
When, as a teacher, I met a small Chinese boy named Xexey (I'm now unsure of the spelling) I asked his DM how I should pronounce her DS's name. The calm but firm reply was 'In England, he is Gary!' And so he was, no problem!

While I'm here - It was said earlier that Owen was a Welsh form of John. Is Siôn an alternative? I knew a Siôn in North Wales who said his name was Welsh for John.

Maybe try to find inherited Welsh blood in that family tree and start pronouncing it the Welsh Owain (oh-wine) instead? The I vowel is less likely to disappear in the pronunciation?

Ha! I see others have thought the same! 😁

The bullies keep doing it because he gives them a reaction
^Typical victim blaming there!!*

Call it "victim blaming" if you want but back in the real world bullies will test out people and if they don't get the desired reaction they often don't continue. That's the unpalatable fact, but I'm not blaming a 9 year old for not knowing the best way to react to piss taking/bullying. Plenty of posters have suggested tried and tested strategies for dealing with bullies and one of those is the victim not giving them the reaction they want.

Thanks for your replies. I really think I want to use this as a learning experience in how to deal with bullies. If he can't get the hang of sarcastic retorts soon, I'll try the unemotional and not-bothered reponse. It might be easier for him to do. I've just realised that I'm not a sarcastic person really and we don't have much sarcasm in the house, so it's not a surprise that this technique seems strange to him.

If he changed his name now and then later on in life he encountered more bullies and had never learnt how to handle them, I would kick myself for missing this opportunity.

He'll be going into the last year of primary school in September. If the problem is still there by the end of the year, I think secondary school would be a good time to change his name if he still wants to.

I hope it works out for him OP.

Good decision.

It's a shame you can't send him here, I'd give him a crash course in sarcasm 😬

...they say it's the lowest form of 'wit'. Meh, it saves me actually killing people so...

Good point OP. I hope your DS has better luck in September. The kids will have found something/someone else to torment.

@Dez not Conner, no. I know Bette is a name but was mentioning some Welsh people's luck with names in France. Thanks for the info on Donkey and catty though.

I agree that he'll just be teased for something else.
I wouldn't even consider a name change, it's the name his parents gave him at birth, unfortunately he needs to be taught how to deal with it.
Kids get bullied for being ginger, fat, short, tall... There's always something to bully over!