DS wants to change his first name due to teasing

[mashedpotatoes]

My DS has said for a few years that he doesn't like his first name but for the last year he has been getting teased at school because it rhymes with something insulting and he reacts aggressively when this happens.
Over the summer holidays he has chosen two names which he says he prefers rather than his real name. One day he says he prefers one name and the next day it's the other name.
I would be completely happy for him to change if he wants to, but what concerns me is the reaction of everyone else. To start with, I don't think DH is 100% convinced. As a new school year is approaching I think September would be a good time to do it, but I'm not sure how to go about it and if his school friends will accept it.
Does anyone have any advice?

I would get your son to tell the bullies that he actually wants to be called Con. There won't be any novelty to it after a couple of times (and they might get told off for using a rude word) .

I do agree though that bullies will find anything to pick on so the reason why they're targeting your son needs to be addressed.

No it's not. The H in "halles" is aspirated (some h's are aspirated, some are not, mainly due to historical origin of the word). Aspirated h's indicate a stop and cannot have a liaison with the word preceding it. Therefore des Halles is pronounced "day-ahls", des haricots is "day-aricos"etc

If Owen started with an aspirated H, "c'est Howen" would be pronounced "say-o-wen" .... but there's no H so the words are liaised and pronounced "set-o-wen"

Phew!

Why haven't you taken this up with the school?

If it makes you feel any better, OP, I worked with an Owen in a country where his name was pronounced "Oven". By everyone he met. For years. He didn't change it. Good old Oven.

I don't understand the pronunciation either, but as a pp said, "con" is not "idiot" it's "cunt"...

The school should be stamping out the bullying. Have you approached them?

Bullies will bully regardless of names.

Thanks everyone for all your comments and stories for saying what a nice name Owen is :) :) It's really nice to hear that.
I think we'll use the rest of the holidays to practise some ways to answer the bullies, with lots of eye-rolling and "As if I've never heard THAT before" perhaps with a bit of English thrown in for good measure.
As for the "t" pronunciation, I wonder if it's silent because the "O" is followed by a "w"? (But it's not really important)
Thank you :)

The pronounciation thing isn't really relevant as in fact, the actual French children are pronouncing it in a way that makes the hurtful tease. In any case, if the emphasis was on letting someone know the name for the first time or really emphasising it, the usual spoken practice would be NOT to sound the T but to take a tiny pause. So the first time I'm introducing Owen, and I want people to know what his name sounds like, I would say the "say [tiny pause] oh-wen" pronounciation that the OP has identified as the problem. In another context, where the emphasis isn't on the actual name, I'd sound the T according to the usual rules - who is that in the green jumper , "c'est Owen".

As for advise OP, I think him changing it would really give the bullies more targets. Lots of people are picked on for silly reasons including names, very few actually change their name. If his goal is to blend in, I'd explain to him this will likely make him stand out far far more. If moving to a different area or school, it might work but if he will still be in contact with the bullies, then not a hope in hell will they forget. It's horrible for him to feel picks on and my heart breaks for him but I don't think a name change is going to be the solution he is looking for. Ideally he will come to that conclusion himself as you discuss all this with him in a supportive way.

I know it's the holidays but any chance you can speak to the school once you've decided how Owen best wants to deal with it?

Schools in most countries won't think this is anything to do with school... The UK is rather an anomaly in terms of schools accepting such wide ranging pastoral responsibilitily. In most countries raising this as a concern would provoke a raised eyebrow and lip bitten to suppress suprised laughter... It's down to the kids and possibly parents (if the kids are young) to sort this kind of thing in most places.

To those who asked - yes, I took this up with the school in May / June. The teachers gave me an answer about tackling it but I wasn't convinced. I think it's up to us to work out a strategy at home. Thanks again.

Con is not a nice word and it's stronger than idiot but not as strong as cunt - there's a popular movie called "Diner des cons". It's funny in a French way and is the equivalent to "idiot" in that instance.

Agree that the point here is neither pronunciation or translation - your son is being bullied, it's not nice and he needs some support so that he can rise above it.

I think if it's getting to the point that your ds is seriously considering changing his name then you need to let the school know that they haven't tackled it. If your son isn't saying anything to staff they won't know there's still a problem. Definitely work on strategies with him as well and hopefully that plus the school coming down harder on the bullies will work.

Good luck with the retorts - have some fun coming up with them!
Last summer I had some long conversations with my 13 yr old daughter - she had concluded she didn't really like her name, and particularly didn't like any of the ways people at school were shortening it. As she was about to change school I suggested she was welcome to change the name she wanted to be known as, and it was a good time to do it if she wanted (only known by a handful of people at the new school before starting).

We had a lot of fun exploring alternatives and trying to work out what could work / what she did and didn't like in a name. Especially as her middle name has a lot of variants she could have legitimately taken on. But in the end there wasn't anything that felt right and she has stuck to her original name. Eventually I hope she will gain the confidence to say to people, I don't want to be called X, (if that is still the case) when they automatically shorten her name.

As we also have a surname that is a gift to bullies we were very careful from the start. I think if my daughter had been wanting to change due to bullying I would also have approached the idea differently. Oh, and I got teased mercilessly in primary school - both a derivative of my first name and obvious stuff from my surname, but also loads of other things as well. So name alone would not have changed a thing, sadly.

Hope the new year gets off to a better start for your son!

In your shoes I'd be informing the school about each individual issue as it arose so they could stamp on it.

I'd also role play how to react. Or not react actually. A smile and a shrug of his shoulders like he doesn't care is enough.

It might also be worth using a nickname. Owe or Owwie.

The teasing will still happen. The name is just an excuse. I can see why it irritates your DS though.

For fictional/film aid:
Life of Pi was pretty good on an approach to avoiding unwanted teasing over an unfortunate name... by offering another (less upsetting) thing for bullies to tease with.

mashedpotatoes I am really sorry, this is so crap. I have not read all posts but have read all your posts.

Although I agree "...it's an easy trap to fall into, changing yourself to please the bullies, isn't it?" I would also say personally that if he wants to trial a different name at school, I would let him.

I would allow him to do whatever, within reason, helps him to cope with school. Because it is primarily affecting him. He needs to be empowered to cope in the way he wants to, as long as this does not lead to further issues, IMHO.

I don't think for a second anyone should have to dye their hair or change themselves etc etc but names do not always translate well. Having lived and traveled very widely people do sometimes adopt local names (e.g. Chinese students who have a western style name when studying outside China) to help them fit in (and I did the same when I traveled using a Chinese version of my name or whatever.

mashedpotatoes "To those who asked - yes, I took this up with the school in May / June. The teachers gave me an answer about tackling it but I wasn't convinced. I think it's up to us to work out a strategy at home."

Of course you can work out strategies at home for empowering your boy, and helping him manage any anger this behaviour creates or fuels in him.

However, it is the school's problem to tackle if this is happening to him at school with other pupils who the school has charge of.

I don't believe bullying is an English problem or should be seen as something a French school could not tackle. Indeed, I would say that for the school to suggest they cannot do anything would make them inferior to UK schools where robust (ha bloody ha) anti-bullying policies are in place. And this is bullying so a French school should not be able to get out of their responsibilities.

Please check out what French anti-bullying groups/charities exist (or French speaking in places like Canada). Please make school aware this is not your problem to solve but rather an issue happening at school and therefore their responsibility (in the nicest possible way!).

If they are in any doubt that France should be as firm on bullying as England attempts to be, please show them this...

I am afraid my french is not good enough to know what Harcèlement à l'école is all about but a place to start maybe.

education.francetv.fr/matiere/education-civique/ce2/hubs/harcelement-a-l-ecole

At least the first page is available in English and to me it looks like a place you could get some support.

As a dual nationality child I would say the school might see this bullying as being racially motivated and should therefore want to take it very seriously rather than suggesting there is nothing they can do.

'bonne chance'

I'm assuming dual nationality, but I hope you know what I mean.

I'm going to go against the grain a bit here....

My cousin changed his name in primary school (started going by his middle name) becaue his first name was a bizarre family name he got saddled with as the eldest boy. It was a source of huge embarassment for him and he was becoming shyer and shyer as it was greeted with mirth and disbelief everytime he was introduced (I realise this is a different situation). So he just came in with his parents and said he would now be known as 'middle name'. A few days of faux-confusion and silliness and then he kept that middle name into his adulthood. He is one of the most outgoing people I've ever met, which is impossible to connect with the embarassed, quiet boy he was. He uses his strange name for professional purposes because nobody ever forgets him, so it was worth not changing it legally I suppose.

Anyway, what I'm saying is sometimes it's not about 'letting bullies win' but choosing a path that lets you blossom without being hindered by something so stupid and fixable. It's a shame they spoiled his perfectly lovely name, but it's not like he's stuck with it. And shame can be so toxic and colour the rest of your life. There's no need for it. It doesn't sound like they will pick something else to bully him with. Just that they can't ignore the phonetic pun when they hear it.

Appease the bullies? Are you joking? Get to that school and demand a meeting with the bullies parents. That should have been first before even thinking about changing his name.

Literally it is "cunt" (to the pps who have mentioned this) but it doesn't equate to the English word cunt in offensiveness or true meaning. It is more like idiot or fool. In the Americanised subtitles for a film called "Le Diner des Cons" it was translated as "jackass".

Children are cruel, no matter what nationality. I would definitely recommend pronouncing the 'setowen' if that's the short answer, but how about he simply changes his answer to 'owen' omitting the c'est? Or the traditional je m'appelle?
This stuff is rarely about the name. I was called Trypsin by three girls at school. They found it funny, I didn't, but I stupidly let them see it affected me. So very pointless.

Does your boy have a friend?