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Original poster

DS wants to change his first name due to teasing

343 replies

mashedpotatoes · 19/08/2017 23:11

My DS has said for a few years that he doesn't like his first name but for the last year he has been getting teased at school because it rhymes with something insulting and he reacts aggressively when this happens.
Over the summer holidays he has chosen two names which he says he prefers rather than his real name. One day he says he prefers one name and the next day it's the other name.
I would be completely happy for him to change if he wants to, but what concerns me is the reaction of everyone else. To start with, I don't think DH is 100% convinced. As a new school year is approaching I think September would be a good time to do it, but I'm not sure how to go about it and if his school friends will accept it.
Does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:
Shelly391 · 23/08/2017 00:39

For the record, I think it's possible to do both - treat it as a learning/teaching experience re. bullies but still change the name, if it helps him deal with it? It will show him you are listening and understand his "pain", which will give him the support he needs to take them on. (Method worked for us, and now have DS & DD who won't take any nonsense!)

Italiangreyhound · 23/08/2017 00:42

Shelly391 so pleased this worked for your child.

CauliflowerSqueeze · 23/08/2017 00:46

The liaison after c'est is optional and therefore it's perfectly correct for them to say c.o.n

See page 2 of this document

lewebpedagogique.com/ressources-fle/files/2011/02/Règle-de-la-liaison.pdf

CauliflowerSqueeze · 23/08/2017 00:48

And I'd let him change his name.

My friend is called Penny and of course in France that was pénis.

And Peter in French is "to fart".

Want2bSupermum · 23/08/2017 00:58

If the plan is to stay in France then yes allow him to use a middle name or change his name. He will always have this issue.

I really liked the name Astrid but didn't call either Dd that name because I feared kids at school would call her ass. Another popular name in Denmark is Lena. Crossed it off because kids would always say Easy Leaneh. It would not be pronounced 'Lane-eh'.

Shemozzle · 23/08/2017 00:59

When I was little I fell over into a sandstone wall and scraped my canine milk tooth, which bruised the nerve leaving it half brown. A couple of older boys used to call me Toffee Tooth. I hated it so much. Asked to have it removed, tried to knock it out. Eventually it fell out and I was so happy. The next time they told me it I opened my mouth with glee to show them it was gone and they couldn't call me it anymore. 'Well you used to so we will still call you Toffee Tooth'. I suspect your son would have the same. Maybe tell him he can change it if he still wants to when he goes up to the next school? It would be pointless if he is staying put.

JessieMcJessie · 23/08/2017 01:37

One thing that concerns me in all this is that as far as I can tell your husband and son are both native French speakers but you are not OP. Therefore if you are working with your son on effective retorts to the bullies I hope that your husband is fully involved in this; similarly, if the school is not taking appropriate action, is your husband also going to get involved in discussions with them (this is not so much a language thing, sure you can make your point, but it would show the school that you mean business if you both go along to a meeting about it).

I just ask because your posts suggest that dealing with this is all falling on you and you and Owen are not getting support from your husband.

Also, you were speculating earlier in the threat about whether the "t" in "c'est Owen" would be pronounced or not and, if not, why not- couldn't you just ask your husband?

Good luck anyway!

CauliflowerSqueeze · 23/08/2017 08:22

It's not pronounced sometimes because it's optional in French. See link above.

Whataboutmeee · 23/08/2017 08:27

Good plan op. Give it a year.

pontypoolgirl · 23/08/2017 09:11

He's got a Welsh name so why not adopt Taff or Taffy. Start at home then he can carry it on into the new school year. That way he doesn't actually change his name and can just explain that it's a Welsh thing.

SoupDragon · 23/08/2017 09:29

Um... isn't that Nickname usually derogatory?

pontypoolgirl · 23/08/2017 09:48

Obviously not a Welsh soupdragon. Taff is the name of a river and many Welsh people outside of Wales are called this. It's friendly, not derogatory.

SoupDragon · 23/08/2017 09:59

Yes, I am well aware of the river. I am also well aware that the nickname has been used as a taunt.

SoupDragon · 23/08/2017 10:00

Obviously it's different if chosen yourself though.

Italiangreyhound · 23/08/2017 11:30

If he were going to choose a nickname to be known as why would he pick an unusual foreign name which is associated with the name he hates! Further explaining what it means and how to pronounce it and further singling himself out as different.

Why not let him choose a name he likes!

squishee · 23/08/2017 12:42

If the plan is to stay in France then yes allow him to use a middle name or change his name. He will always have this issue.

I really doubt that. Do kids not grow up and become more mature? It's a real stretch for them to have seized on that in the first place. So utterly, utterly lame.

To echo PPs, why give the bullies the upper hand by changing his identity? They will only tease him more for having caved. And then tease him about something that he can't change. I think he needs to brush it off. Perhaps not with sarcasm, because IME it is not really part of French culture.

If he's wanted to change his name for years, prior to this teasing, that's a different issue.

Linicola · 26/08/2017 07:22

Gah kids are such ass sometimes.

First off ignore all the discussion around the 'proper' pronunciation from non French native speakers - unless your kid is at the French equivalent of Eton, wondering why kids don't pronounce the t -is a bit like asking why kids in Sydney don't talk like the Queen. It's not even that they're deliberately mispronouncing it, it will just be the way they all talk, and it is very common - we didn't use that t at all when I was growing up.

Changing his name IMO will not help one bit - they'll just find something else or will call him CON even more. And as an aside con does not translate to cunt - it s like calling someone an asshole or a bit of a dick.

Still not very pleasant for your boy and Owen is a lovely name. Yeah I think the best advice is for him to try and shrug it off until they get bored and talk to the school but it is a really tough one as there is no magic bullet here. Can you or your husband approach the parents of the kids doing it?

Sorry you re going through this :-(

Shelly391 · 26/08/2017 08:18

Italiangreyhound - thank you 🙂

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