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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS wants to change his first name due to teasing

343 replies

mashedpotatoes · 19/08/2017 23:11

My DS has said for a few years that he doesn't like his first name but for the last year he has been getting teased at school because it rhymes with something insulting and he reacts aggressively when this happens.
Over the summer holidays he has chosen two names which he says he prefers rather than his real name. One day he says he prefers one name and the next day it's the other name.
I would be completely happy for him to change if he wants to, but what concerns me is the reaction of everyone else. To start with, I don't think DH is 100% convinced. As a new school year is approaching I think September would be a good time to do it, but I'm not sure how to go about it and if his school friends will accept it.
Does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:
happypoobum · 19/08/2017 23:30

Yes sweet and the letter C is pronounced "Say" phonetically in France. Also, and not trying to make this worse for OP, but Con is really a far worse word than "idiot".

It's more like "cunt" or "fuckwit" Sad

Yika · 19/08/2017 23:30

Owen is a lovely, plain name, and well known too - even the French must have heard of the name - the teasing is totally stupid! Well, on the one hand I don't see any reason why he shouldn't go by another name if he prefers. But on the other they already know his name and I am not sure that it would help him... it would show that they have got to him. Might be better to look into some strategies that he can use when faced with the bullying (maybe talk to a child psychologist?)

Flimp · 19/08/2017 23:30

I get where you're both coming from, but they will find something else to bully him for unfortunately.

If a kid is getting bullied eg, for having ginger hair, the answer is not to dye the kid's hair.

You'd be better off seeking advice on how to respond to and deal with bullies effectively. Are the school doing anything?

Yika · 19/08/2017 23:32

PS I actually know a half-French Owen as it happens so it is not that unusual! I think the problem is the kids not the name.

Flimp · 19/08/2017 23:32

In the French alphabet the letter C is pronounced like c'est not 'see'.

scrabbler3 · 19/08/2017 23:32

I wouldn't encourage him to change a perfectly nice name. I thought you were going to say that you'd saddled him with something kre8tiv or super poncey in which case you'd have to suck up a name change.

Original poster
mashedpotatoes · 19/08/2017 23:33

It's not exactly a rhyme but I hope you can see what I mean. ("C'est Owen" = "C-O-N" = "idiot") This is the first time I've been on Mumsnet so I hope I'm using it OK.
Thanks for the suggestions of helping him to deal with the bullying. He is quite a sensitive boy and not very good at hiding it when he's upset about something. So other children can see when something's bothering him. But this is pretty much the only thing he's teased about on a regular basis. He does give as good as he gets and is pretty good at making up equally insulting names in response- only to defend himself - but it does get him down.

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 19/08/2017 23:33

I'd let him change it - if it's making him unhappy but kot to appease the bullies

Enidblyton1 · 19/08/2017 23:34

Wow, just shows how you never know what sort of name will be ridiculed!
I'd be worried if he changed his name he'll just be bullied for something else, OP. Perhaps better to work on him ignoring it or laughing it off (I know easier said than done!)

AnneGrommit · 19/08/2017 23:34

I agree that it's the behaviour rather than the name that is the problem. The word they are using isn't even close to his name and it's a bit of a leap even for the abbreviation which is proof if proof were needed that bullies once they find a target will latch onto anything. It would be very sad I think to take such a drastic step as losing your name because of something that actually has nothing to do with it.

Of course he just wants to fix things and has fallen into the trap of thinking if he "just" changed the thing that they are latching onto it will go away, because that is how children's minds work.

But really you should be working with the school to stop the perpetrators from targeting him and devising strategies so that he feels safe.

NormaNameChange · 19/08/2017 23:34

Sweetbitter I thought the point was it was spelling out C. O. N. The whole of the first word being the pronunciation for the letter C, n'est-ce pas?

Witchend · 19/08/2017 23:34

Let him change it. Yes I don't agree with giving in to bullies, but making him stick with it for that reason isn't fair. That's his decision, not yours as he has to live with the consequences.

I'd suggest to him he tries it for a while before formally changing it, and maybe keep it as a middle name.

tiktok · 19/08/2017 23:36

I think OP explained that when you say 'c'est Owen' it's as if you are spelling out 'con' as in c...o....n.

My ds was teased briefly because of his perfectly normal name, because it was the same name as a character in a story who had a rhyming characteristic. Think of 'smelly nelly' except it obv wasn't that!

He got over it. It lasted a couple of terms, IIRC.

If he'd been really unhappy, though, I think we'd have been ok with him changing it. It's a judgment call, I think, OP. How distressed is he?

Lou898 · 19/08/2017 23:37

I would like to think that after the break the teasers will have moved onto something else. It'd be better if you could give him coping strategies rather than do something as drastic as changing his name ...one he's had for nearly 9 years. As others have said what if they find other things to tease him about or tease him about changing his name. Don't like young children being unhappy but I'd be visiting the school and asking them to deal with the teasing if it continues in September.
Fingers crossed it's all in the past and he can just go back to being Owen. 👍

Original poster
mashedpotatoes · 19/08/2017 23:38

Flimp - That's a very good point about not dying your hair if you're getting teased about the colour. You're right - it just shows the bullying that they've got to him.

OP posts:
SnickersWasAHorse · 19/08/2017 23:38

Could this be more to do with him having and English name and struggling being an English child in a French school? Are the names he has chosen English or French. This might be more to do with fitting in than anything.

CreamCheeseBrownies · 19/08/2017 23:40

Trouble is, if he changes his name because of the teasing and the children latch onto that, they'll take it as a win and just tease him for that instead. Or continue to tease him for Owen. Or both.

In England we can change the "known as" name at school no problem, and there'd be no need to do anything official first. I think I'd council him that if he is not totally sure - andit sounds like he isn't - then err on the side of not changing it this year, then go for it next year with your support if he is more sure by then.

Owen is a lovely name though.

Migraleve · 19/08/2017 23:40

If he is being bullied then that's the issue that needs tackled. Changing his name won't stop someone teasing, it will merely give them another reason to pick on your son

Viviennemary · 19/08/2017 23:40

He should be allowed to change his name under the circumstances. But what a horrible bunch of kids. Have you thought about changing schools.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 19/08/2017 23:42

Are you even sure that changing his name will stop the bullies from calling him C.O.N? They know him as Owen, they may still just call him Owen. Or mock him for changing his name.

It's the bullies' behaviour that needs to be dealt with & changed - not your son's name. If your DH is French & he chose the name Owen, it can't be an automatic given that French folk will match Owen with "con".

CreamCheeseBrownies · 19/08/2017 23:43

And one of you should read The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists with him in a year or two.

Original poster
mashedpotatoes · 19/08/2017 23:44

Lou898, yes it would be awful if they teased him about changing his name.

OP posts:
CorbynsBumFlannel · 19/08/2017 23:45

Agree with op. The bullies will be delighted that he has changed his name. And will likely continue to call him by/make fun of the old one. Or tease him for changing his name/something else.
It is the bullies who need to be made to change. Have you raised it with the school op?

Original poster
mashedpotatoes · 19/08/2017 23:46

Snickers - no, he was born in France and speaks French no problem.

OP posts:
CreamCheeseBrownies · 19/08/2017 23:47

It is quite an obscure tease too. On a par, I'd say, to Nicholas = knickerless. But thousands of Nicholases have survived childhood with a phase of that, I'd imagine, without taking the rather drastic step of changing their name.