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Original poster

DS wants to change his first name due to teasing

343 replies

mashedpotatoes · 19/08/2017 23:11

My DS has said for a few years that he doesn't like his first name but for the last year he has been getting teased at school because it rhymes with something insulting and he reacts aggressively when this happens.
Over the summer holidays he has chosen two names which he says he prefers rather than his real name. One day he says he prefers one name and the next day it's the other name.
I would be completely happy for him to change if he wants to, but what concerns me is the reaction of everyone else. To start with, I don't think DH is 100% convinced. As a new school year is approaching I think September would be a good time to do it, but I'm not sure how to go about it and if his school friends will accept it.
Does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:
nokidshere · 19/08/2017 23:51

I agree with others about dealing with it rather than changing the name, mainly because it's something we were concerned about when ours started secondary school.

We have a surname that is easy to ridicule, it's not especially unusual but for young people *bantering" Confused it's a gift!

We spent the summer (aged10) role playing scenarios where it might be made fun of or used to humiliate them. We came up with replies or retorts designed to shut it down quickly if it happened so by the time they started they were confident in using them and not feeling intimidated. I was very proud of my son when he came back one afternoon and said that some older boys had stopped him and tried to make fun of his name, he rolled his eyes, said *oh right, like I haven't heard THAT before" and walked off. No-one mentioned it since to either of them and they are now 15 & 18.

Give him some strategies to deal with it, teach him to look bored by them, and some one liners to throw away as he walks off. Hopefully they will stop as they don't get the reaction they are hoping for.

But don't be afraid to take it further if it carries on

Original poster
mashedpotatoes · 19/08/2017 23:52

Thanks for all your replies. I'm beginning to wonder if it's something that is happening because children like spelling things at that age. (Remember that playground song " and _ were sitting in a tree / K-I-S-S-I-N-G". ?) Perhaps when spelling becomes less exciting, the other children will leave him alone....
But I just hope he isn't starting to believe he's an idiot after hearing it so many times. I make a huge effort at home to make sure he realises he's not at idiot at all. He's an intelligent and sensitive 9 yr old.

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 19/08/2017 23:52

I wouldn't let him change his name because he's too young and it's a perfectly normal name.

Lots of kids go through a stage of not liking their name, but almost all grow out of it. Who is to say he won't grow to dislike his 'new' name? If he still dislikes it at 18 he can change it then.

He absolutely should not change his name because of the bullies, that would be the worst thing to do. That would teach him that if someone picks on you for something you should change it! What if you're being picked for being ginger/black/gay/disabled?? He isn't being picked on because of his name, he's being picked on because they get a rise from him and no adults is stepping it to stop it. Change his name and they will bully him for something else. I went to school with a boy who got bullied for being called William, despite there being several other Williams at the same school!

DaemonPantalaemon · 19/08/2017 23:53

but when someone says "C'est Owen" it sounds the same as "C-O-N" spelt alphabetically. "Con" means 'idiot" in French

Hmmm. That makes no sense at all. I live in a French speaking city. it would be pronounced Set-oon. That's because O, being a vowel means that the t in C'est has to be pronounced when speaking, it's a form of elision, when you pronounce a normally unpronounced letter to avoid an awkward pronunciation. The result otherwise is an awkward double vowel that is difficult to say.

Similarly, C'est un homme (it's a man) would be pronounced Setun'om not Sonome

Seems to be bigger issues at play. I would dig deeper.

ComingUpTrumps · 19/08/2017 23:54

I sympathise with this situation OP- the word 'con' can be quite hurtful Flowers

I'm assuming that when your DS answers with 'c'est Owen', he's being asked a question like 'quel est ton nom?'

I know it's a bit of a mouthful, but could he perhaps instead respond to this (or a similar question about his name) with 'je m'appelle Owen'? Would that work?

Owen is a really nice name :)

Original poster
mashedpotatoes · 19/08/2017 23:54

Nokidshere - That's a brilliant retort! great strategy idea! :)

OP posts:
FuckYouLinda · 19/08/2017 23:55

I'm inclined to think that the bullys will just find something else about their victim to tease about. With me it was my glasses so I ditched them, so they moved onto my hair or my clothes, which I also tried to change, so they moved onto my height, my heritage and other things I couldn't change.

It's sending a clear signal to the bullys that what they did got to him so they will up their game, not scale it down,

Your poor DS.

BradleyPooper · 19/08/2017 23:56

I think that c'est before a vowel would be "set" too, so you would say "set-o-wen" for c'est Owen.... Makes no difference because the kids have clearly latched on to something but agree that it's better to help kids overcome obstacles than remove them for them.....

ComingUpTrumps · 19/08/2017 23:56

Daemon I think it can be pronounced either way.

So 'c'est Owen' could sound like 'say oh enn' or 'sett oh enn', depending on who you're speaking to.

KeyChange · 19/08/2017 23:57

It's such a lovely name. What a shame they are getting to him. Unfortunately I also think a name change won't stop bullies. They'll get over the "joke" in time x

Original poster
mashedpotatoes · 19/08/2017 23:59

Daemon - I can assure you that "C'est Owen" is pronounced "Say-oh-when" in France. I know what you mean about "c'est un homme" but for some reason 'probably complicated French grammar rules) people do say "Say-oh-when".

OP posts:
llangennith · 19/08/2017 23:59

If he has decided changing his name will make his life better then let him do it. He's the kid with the 'foreign' name quite apart from the mispronunciation of it in French.
He may decide to change it back to Owen later but if you're permanently in France and your DS is French then I expect he'd rather have a French name.

Itwillbefine1 · 20/08/2017 00:01

Eoin or Owen is Gaelic for John. (Or Jean in French).

Original poster
mashedpotatoes · 20/08/2017 00:04

NuffSaidSam - it's an easy trap to fall into, changing yourself to please the bullies, isn't it?
Thanks to everyone for pointing this out to me.

OP posts:
DaemonPantalaemon · 20/08/2017 00:05

So 'c'est Owen' could sound like 'say oh enn' or 'sett oh enn', depending on who you're speaking to

With respect, it really can't. It is a rule of elision that any word or name that starts with a vowel immediately activates the t in C'est from a silent to a spoken t. Any word or name that begins with a consonant is the opposite, the t is silent.

If you are in doubt, try typing C'est Owen, C'est Oliver, C'est Annie, C'est Elodie etc into your Google translate and listen for the pronunciation by clicking the volume button next to the phrase. The t is sounded.

Then compare with C'est Laurence, C'est Marie, C'est Nicolas or any name with a consonant. The t is silent.

If you are a good enough French speaker it comes as second nature.

Original poster
mashedpotatoes · 20/08/2017 00:05

Itwillbefine1 ...but interesting ;)

OP posts:
DaemonPantalaemon · 20/08/2017 00:08

I can assure you that "C'est Owen" is pronounced "Say-oh-when" in France

So we should perhaps blame the bad French in the part of France you live in, because this is a very unusual pronunciation!

BradleyPooper · 20/08/2017 00:17

Must admit, I lived and worked in France for 6 years and have been a freelance translator and interpreter for 20 and have never come across "say-o-wen" for c'est Owen. The t would normally be pronounced before a vowel.

I expect it's a purposeful mispronounciation to poke fun i.e. 'Voici la poubelle" (here is the dustbin) as a joke instead of "voici la plus belle" (here is the most beautiful girl)

Original poster
mashedpotatoes · 20/08/2017 00:17

Daemon - I've just checked the pronunciation on Google Translate and you're right. It's really strange why people round here don't pronounce the "t" in "C'est" when followed by "Owen". Perhaps it's this part of France. The pronunciation I was talking about is not due to me being English - I picked it up hearing it from French people! I will investigate.....

OP posts:
Original poster
mashedpotatoes · 20/08/2017 00:19

Daemon - blaming bad pronunciation is great ammunition against the bullies! :)

OP posts:
Shadow666 · 20/08/2017 00:20

Are there many other kids with non-French names at his school? My kids are also bi-cultural but their names match the country we live in. There aren't many other children from other countries at their school.

Ask the school if he can use an official nickname at school and let him try a new name. He can always change back when he's older. It's not unusual for children to prefer to use a different name. If he feels strongly about this he might feel resentful if you don't let him try.

tararabumdeay · 20/08/2017 00:21

Owen is a beautiful name. I I had my time again I'd definitely name one of my two sons Owen.

fluffiphlox · 20/08/2017 00:22

I was in school with someone who would alternate from one year to the next between one name and another. We just used to think she and her mother who instigated this were bonkers. I shared one of these names with her and there were five of us in the year. Therefore her mother decided to call her by her more unusual and middle class other nameto differentiate her from us other Janices (not my real name). When we turned comprehensive (I'm ancient) she reverted to the more 'common' in both senses of the word. And so on. I think he needs to stick with it. If he changes it he will be teased for that. ( I speak French by the way, if that is remotely relevant ).

Original poster
mashedpotatoes · 20/08/2017 00:23

Bradley Pooper - I've just thought of a shopping centre near us called Place des Halles and I know for a fact that the "s" in "des" is silent. Perhaps this is the same kind of thing?

OP posts:
SpiritedLondon · 20/08/2017 00:27

Aaah I don't know about the French side of things but I do know if he changes his name they will carry on calling him Owen just to annoy him, or the " artist formerly known as Owen" or some other variation. He definitely needs to come up with some witty retorts - even if they sound rehearsed. What he needs us to look bored, to laugh and then snap back with a comment. He needs banter! I imagine that he's bilingual so perhaps he could laugh and say something quickly in English they might be a bit uncertain. He does need to adopt
A degree of swagger though to pull it off. I had to do this with my DD5 to a certain extent to was being teased by a slightly older cousin - I just gave her a few phrases ( I'm talking properly childish here " you'd better watch the wind doesn't change or your face will stay like that" etc etc) and now she's much more robust at dealing with it rather than taking everything to heart and telling tales. Obviously if the attention was more bullying rather than teasing then my advice would be somewhat different.

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