DS wants to change his first name due to teasing

[mashedpotatoes]

My DS has said for a few years that he doesn't like his first name but for the last year he has been getting teased at school because it rhymes with something insulting and he reacts aggressively when this happens.
Over the summer holidays he has chosen two names which he says he prefers rather than his real name. One day he says he prefers one name and the next day it's the other name.
I would be completely happy for him to change if he wants to, but what concerns me is the reaction of everyone else. To start with, I don't think DH is 100% convinced. As a new school year is approaching I think September would be a good time to do it, but I'm not sure how to go about it and if his school friends will accept it.
Does anyone have any advice?

I think helping him to think of good comebacks is a useful thing to do, but (after a long school career of being subject to bullying and all the focus being on what I could/should do to stop them) it shouldn't distract from the issue that he shouldn't be having to put up with this. If people were making these sort of comments at work, the first time or two you might try and shut them up with a comeback, but then you'd go to HR, wouldn't you? Because it's unacceptable for anyone to have to put up with that in their working environment. Why is it acceptable for children, who have less choice, control and fewer resources to cope with it?

Has this happened in more than 1 setting or just with a particular group at school.if it is something that is or is likely to be a recurring problem then your D's should be encouraged to change it.But if its just co fined to this cohort then I think it's a bad idea.But at the end of the day its your sons choice.

I live in France and can totally see how this is a MASSIVE problem. It's like introducing yourself in England...'Hello who are you ?' 'I'm a fuckwit'.....literally!

I would change his name....

Maybe he could have a very plain French name for school and if anyone uses Own or the insulting phrase he can say in French (my french is zilch so have to do it in English) "You can call me X until your French improves enough to pronounce my name correctly".

Obviously polish it a bit.

As I said my French is zilch but what about using something like Ewan? (Unless that means something terrible in French) that sounds fairly close and could just be another pronunciation.

But PowerPants, surely you don't introduce yourself with 'c'est..'? Perhaps someone else might introduce you that way, but then isn't the stress different - at least in the English way of pronouncing the name, and I'm sure most French people can manage that, seeing as a whole lot of Germans pronounce my ds1's (international) name, which has a perfectly usual German pronunciation, in an (over-)anglicised manner? In other words, these kids are massively overegging the phonetic similarity because they want to, and if they 'win' here they'll move on to something else.

I think the bored eye roll/heard it already response is best. As soon as he stops rising to it, it will become dull for the bullies.

I have one extremely tall friend who generally puts up with the "aren't you tall?" comments with great patience but who has been known ( if the speaker is being particularly annoying) to pat himself all over, look down at his feet and then say in tones of great astonishment "Why so I am! I hadn''t noticed. Thank you for telling me."
He says he has been tempted to retort "yes, and you're fat but at least you can cha nge that" but can't bring himself to be quite that rude.

I have an Owen. It's a great name. Funnily enough when he was little he was desperate for stuff with his name on it but it wasn't popular enough back then to have it on things. However, in France on holiday when he was 5 he found a hot chocolate bowl with "Owen" written on, which we bought for him. The shop it was in wasn't catering for English tourists, all the names on the bowls were cry French, so I assumed that Owen was popular enough in France at that point (2004) to make it onto stuff. I remember being surprised that the spelling was OWEN as I had assumed the French version of Owen was OUEN, as in St Ouen. So presumably there are quite a few 18 year old Owens in France.

I don't think your ds should change his name, that's just giving in to bullies. My son (not Owen ,my other one) has gorgeous dark auburn hair. He got teased loads about it at school. I did once ask him if he wanted to dye it brown snd he (quire righyly) said no, because the bullies knew it was really red and then they'd know the bullying had got yo him, which woukd make it worse.

OP, if you're husband is French, did he not foresee this? I also would have assumed that the T in "c'est" was pronounced when followed by Owen. If your dh knew this wouldn't be the case surely he could have pointed this out?

Agree con is stronger than idiot but it certainly isn't like saying cunt in English, even if that's the literal translation. Because societally that simply isn't the strongest of 'swears' you could use. It's like son of a bitch in English is bad but no where as bad as cunt, but in Spain hijo de puta (the literal equivalent) is the worst thing you can call someone (so the societal equivalent of cunt).

I'd be tempted to give him something really vile in English to retort with (and your a goatfucking sonofabitch) so he can really give it some venom!

"Donkey-raping shit-eater!" (South Park Movie).

And yeah, con is stronger than idiot. Does he have a middle name he could use?

He could of course explain to the bullies that it means warrior but he can't translate it into a French name as he didn't think there were any except "singes capitulards bouffeurs de fromage"

Yeah, maybe don't do that, because it would make you an ignorant fucking idiot. Why don't you take your stupidity somewhere else, espèce de con?

You poor son.....little French fuckers..they are really good at finding way to tease ☹️... My nickname when I was growing up was brarco minute soup (insult on my surname) to make you think of Royco minute soup ! That was in the 80s.

To the poster who said that con/conne was the equivalent of cunt, that's untrue...its Idiot but said with emphasis

I like how as owen is well known in the uk most posters are giving the op tactics to stop bullying. If the op lived in the uk and wanted to name their child Ines everyone would be saying "no! It sounds like anus".

Bonjour OP,
I'm another French resident / French speaker and a teacher to boot.
I think Owen is a lovely name and that children will always find something to be unpleasant about so changing it is not a solution.
The taunt is not logical, not grammatical, just sheer childish nastiness and the teachers should be coming down HARD on the little buggers that are tormenting your son.
Perhaps you could make an appointment to see the head teacher in the week before school starts to explain that it needs to be nipped in the bud now.
And arm Owen with a few taunts like "I see you haven't grown up any over the summer" / "same old, same old" (toujours le même refrain) and how about "tu l'as dit, tu l'es!" (you said it so you are it i.e. "con") to say if they start picking on him again.
They only do it because they see it bothers him.... as soon as they see he's not bothered they will lose interest and crawl back under their stones.

TheBeastInMsRooneysRoom excellent post.

StillDrivingMeBonkers no bullies do not pick on the 'weaker'; they make people feel weaker because of their actions, or at least attempt to. The OP's son is not weak, to suggest such is very offensive. He is a target, it is on no way his fault. The idea he is stick as a target is also ridiculous, and incorrect. I am sorry if you see a victim or target but it is not always true that these things cannot change.

I really hope you op will work out what seems best. If he does name change it Doran't need to be permanent or legal, could be just at school. He could also pick a very popular common French name shatedbu many others at school and trail it at home before holidays end.

It is very easy to say to another anonymous person on the internet 'don't let your son change his name, it will make it worse, or the bullies will win.' But no one knows that.it will be worse and it is not a game with winners or losers buy something which erodes self confidence so do all you can to empower.

I would be wary of changing it because, as PPs have said, the bullies will probably incorporate it (as in 'new name-le-con' or whatever). Are there any positive French words that start with con? So he could respond with turning it into that? E.g. c-o-n 'CONstantly amazing' (but a French word, obviously - can't think of any off the top of my head)

@wizzywig

Owen does not sound like a bad word in French. It's perfectly inoffensive (it's not as if they'd called him Connor - that would have been asking for trouble )

The problem is not the name, it's the way these bullies are twisting it to suit their own ends. If they want to they will twist any name, so changing it would be pointless.
A friend called her son Paul. They tiwtsed it to sound like Pole Emploi (the job centre).
Plenty of French boys are called Aex: A l'exterieur.
Marine - narine (nostril)
Manon: mais non
.....
you cannot bully-proof a child's name.

StillDrivingMeBonkers no bullies do not pick on the 'weaker'; they make people feel weaker because of their actions, or at least attempt to. The OP's son is not weak, to suggest such is very offensive. He is a target, it is on no way his fault.

YY to this

I've known 2 children change their names, one because she didn't like it and the other because it was very unusual and he often got teased. One was the daughter of my parent's friend so a long time ago and the other was my neighbour's child who changed recently, both aged approx your son's age.

Both changes were easily taken on by everyone (unbelievably so) and a couple of years down the line no one even remembers they used to be known by a different name. And most importantly they were/are much happier and had/have one less thing to worry about or get teased about.

OP Owen is a stunning name. Could Owen just say 'Owen' when asked his name instead of c'est Owen? I would normally encorage people to change their name if they hate it but at 9 years old and such a weak link to the word con I think it would be a shame.

I remember my son at 9 and he was sensitive about a lot of things. Would Owen like to do a martial art or some other sport to boost this confidence or learn street dancing, skateboarding or music or something kids see as 'cool'

Another thing you could do is google famous Owens and show Owen how amazing they are. Maybe galvanise some friends and family to tell him Owen is a cool name and bullies are weak.

Good luck, its a beautiful name. I hope this passes.

I'd be tempted to give him something really vile in English to retort with (and your a goatfucking sonofabitch) so he can really give it some venom!

"Donkey-raping shit-eater!" (South Park Movie).

He is NINE! You would seriously recommend getting a 9 year old to say stuff like that?

I couldn't get how you could put the 3 syllables of 'Ces't Owen' into 'con', so I had to google it.
con is pronounced like the convict, quite short, one syllable.

According to the French speakers, shouldn't the term be 'Ce- oh - in', with the pause to identify the name. It's not 'on' it's 'oh-in' with 2 syllables.

Not matter what name he picks they will find something to tease him about because he reacts to it. I was teased about my name because it rhymes with Pina as if that is even a thing. Fortunately I was an arrogant little thing and quick with a comeback so I was rarely picked on once children realised that I wasn't going to take it. Allowing him to change his name will only affirm his belief that his reaction is reasonable (which it isn't, not at his age) and that the problem is in his name rather than his behaviour. What happen when they start teasing him about the next thing? How much of himself will you allow him to change in order to avoid the bullying? And how could you, his mother of all people, accept such intimidation. You need to show some resilience, hopefully it will rub off on him.

Think I'd teach him to always use the je m'appelle as opposed to c'est....Absolute consistency.

He is NINE! You would seriously recommend getting a 9 year old to say stuff like that?

No.

Just changing his name may make him feel more confident.

All these people saying "no don't give in to bullies" are not having to live his life. Op says he's been asking for some time, it's not just a quick whim.
Yes, they probably will try and find something else, but they know that upsets him already, so telling him to pretend he doesn't care will be fairly useless. They'll then need to think about something else, and in the meantime Op can work on bringing his resilience up.

My name can be mispronounced in such a way you can get the word "bra" in. At various points of my life boys have felt the need to point this out. It was pretty boring by the time I was 7yo, and exceedingly boring when my now bil pointed it out in his 20s. The point is that it doesn't have to explicitly sound exactly like, a little mispronunciation is good enough for small (and my bil) boys.