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Original poster

DS wants to change his first name due to teasing

343 replies

mashedpotatoes · 19/08/2017 23:11

My DS has said for a few years that he doesn't like his first name but for the last year he has been getting teased at school because it rhymes with something insulting and he reacts aggressively when this happens.
Over the summer holidays he has chosen two names which he says he prefers rather than his real name. One day he says he prefers one name and the next day it's the other name.
I would be completely happy for him to change if he wants to, but what concerns me is the reaction of everyone else. To start with, I don't think DH is 100% convinced. As a new school year is approaching I think September would be a good time to do it, but I'm not sure how to go about it and if his school friends will accept it.
Does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 21/08/2017 19:34

I hve a surname that seems to invite, how shall I say it, comment Hmm

When I introduce myself, if I sense a comment is coming I say "My name is Mrs BitOutOfPractice - don't bother I've heard them all before" and roll my eyes. Cuts people off.

I think having a few retorts ready and practised and a few age appropriately rude English responses would really help.

Wdigin2this · 21/08/2017 19:49

I hate my name, always have, so I also answer to an abbreviated version of it.....let him change it if he wants to, I wish I had!

Kathysclown · 21/08/2017 19:52

A child in my DC's class changed their name midway through the last year - the mum just wrote to the teacher informing them, and that was that. It took a couple of weeks to sink in, I think, but by the end of the half term, the new name was pretty much embedded. It didn't cause any problem.

RoseNarene · 21/08/2017 19:57

He is far too young to make such a big decision as changing his name. I wasn't keen on mine as a child. Not because I was bullied for it but because I felt it was dull, bland and unpretty. As I matured, I learnt otherwise.

At 16 my mum didn't let me choose the 6th form college I went to (and rightly so!!) so she certainly wouldn't have entertained me changing my name at age 9. It's far too big a decision for a child to make.

The school should be handling this. You need to get onto them to stop this bullying occurring.

MrsAMumof3 · 21/08/2017 19:58

I was in a similar situation as your son when i was in school. my name did not rhyme with any horrible words but you could take the micky out of it easily. I ended up changing my name because i ended up resenting the name and i got too embarrassed to tell anyone my real name. My dad hates that i have changed it and does not care what i feel about the name i once had. Luckily the rest of my family have accepted my new name :)

MrsAMumof3 · 21/08/2017 20:00

so I do not see the harm in changing his name but think he needs to make sure that is what he really wants first. It may seem silly but i feel so much happier and more confident with my new name

sandelf · 21/08/2017 20:05

I had a friend named Daphne - she hated it and has been Dee all the time I've known her. Maybe Owen could be O?

KatieCelf · 21/08/2017 20:05

Aww love him. Having been bullied at school almost everyday I totally understand but I think it's the kids rather than his name. Even if he changes it, it's not going to miraculously make those bullies his friends, which as a nearly 10yo is quite hard to understand. Maybe school needs to do more to tackle the bullying. But if he's stillborn adamant maybe use his middle name? X

LilQueenie · 21/08/2017 20:11

Would it not be better to help him find actual friends and not give in to bullies. They will only find another reason to tease him. The name is not the issue.

StopBrushingMyHair · 21/08/2017 20:14

I would let him change it, if you'll be in France for a long time to come. I disagree that bullies will find anything etc. Some things are just an easy win for a bully and often once the child is picked on, they give out anxious or defensive signals subconsciously because they expect to get picked on on and/or are overly grateful if they're not, so they are too subservient.

If my kid had a name that translated phonetically in the host country as idiot when being introduced then I would probably support that change.

Not the point but it's a real shame your dh didn't think this might happen when you chose the name.

StopBrushingMyHair · 21/08/2017 20:16

I speak as a person who was teased because of name myself (amongst other things) but having a name to tease almost gave licence for other teasing. You can't escape your name (well you can if you change it which is why I see your ds's point).

EllenMP · 21/08/2017 20:20

My sister and one of my stepsons successfully changed to different versions of their given names. But there isn't really any other version of Owen, is there? I think he could do it when he moves to secondary school, but if he tries to do it now the kids who know him by this names will have something else to tease him about. Is there a different, perhaps more elaborate way to tell people his name that doesn't spell C-O-N when you say it? It seems to me that he needs is a different way of answering that question. Or he could try Ollie and say it's short for Owen.

ThreeBecomeFour · 21/08/2017 20:33

One of the retorts I've taught my daughter to say is to look bored, raise an eyebrow and say "You're going with that one? Really?" And walk off. She used it a few times in Year 3 when she gotma bit of hassle. She found it quite empowering and and children in question were led flummoxed. I hope you find a solution. Could he double barrel a new name in, with the new bit before the Owen (which is a lovely name)? A friend who adopted aplder siblings did this and used their original birth name second and their new name first. Now they just get called their new first names but it was a slow phase out. You could switch around his middle name perhaps?

I'm all for not giving in to bullies but it's not me getting bullied here. I'm inclined to think they'll find something new to pick on instead. The other option is a school change with the new name in place when he starts. Good luck. X

ThreeBecomeFour · 21/08/2017 20:34

Ugh apols for typos.....

71Isla · 21/08/2017 20:37

I would take it up with the school and ask them to keep an eye out. Even if he changes his name the bullies might target something else. If the teachers don't help take it to the head or governors...

OFuckShitAndBollocks · 21/08/2017 20:45

I know French Owen and his is pronounced O when with effort on the e so O whEn sounds nothing like con even when said c'est Owen so I don't understand at all. I am primarily a French speaker

OFuckShitAndBollocks · 21/08/2017 20:47

Sorry, understood at last the letters C O N. kids are twats, agree with previous, can you take it up with the school or use a middle name?

NCR1 · 21/08/2017 21:30

We had a girl at school who wanted to change her name so did. She asked her mum what she would have been called if not chosen her name and changed it to that. She was 7, my daughter asked why I just said because she wanted a new name as she didn't like the old one (same name as my daughter but not common), she just said "oh" and that was that. If he wants to change it now is a good as time as any!!

Theladyinthebath · 21/08/2017 21:30

if you want to change it change it - i am the bloody queen of name changes and contrary to what you hear it has always been without issue - PM me if you fancy a chat

MyMorningHasBroken · 21/08/2017 21:39

I don't understand how Owen sounds like 'con' either. If he changed his name they would probably find something else to call him with a vague resemblance. I went to school in France for 3 years as my parents moved from the UK and got teased for all sorts of reasons just because I was a bit different. Ie English.

SnickersWasAHorse · 21/08/2017 21:50

Owen doesn't sound like 'con' ces't Owen sounds like C-O-N.

MyMorningHasBroken · 21/08/2017 22:11

How does c'est Owen sound like con? I still don't understand even with a Marseillaise accent!

SnickersWasAHorse · 21/08/2017 22:14

It doesn't it sounds like spelling out the letters C O N.

MyMorningHasBroken · 21/08/2017 22:17

C'est is pronunced ' say' or 'set' not C

SnickersWasAHorse · 21/08/2017 22:18

And c in French is.........