DS wants to change his first name due to teasing

[mashedpotatoes]

My DS has said for a few years that he doesn't like his first name but for the last year he has been getting teased at school because it rhymes with something insulting and he reacts aggressively when this happens.
Over the summer holidays he has chosen two names which he says he prefers rather than his real name. One day he says he prefers one name and the next day it's the other name.
I would be completely happy for him to change if he wants to, but what concerns me is the reaction of everyone else. To start with, I don't think DH is 100% convinced. As a new school year is approaching I think September would be a good time to do it, but I'm not sure how to go about it and if his school friends will accept it.
Does anyone have any advice?

I like the name Owen
Kids can be so cruel

Lots of Owens here (Wales, obv, as its a Welsh name). I think it is probably the old "picking on something slightly unusual" thing that kids do. I agree it will make him more of a target if he changes his name. In fact I think then he will get teased more about the change and Owen will be his name, plus teasing, for years on end. If he manages to butch this out it will stop eventually. My friend's son is Gabriel, called Gabe at times. He got a period of "Gay" at around the same age as your ds .."Your name sounds like Gay". His response was "Yeah, so?" which seemed to stop all teasing pretty quickly!

I had a friend whose partner had a tricky surname - won't mention on here for obvious reasons. Imagine Cockbottom. When they got married she really thought hard about whether they should use hers, or hyphenate to take the emphasis off. She got a lot of the advice I'm reading above i.e. get over it, there will always be other things to tease you about. So she kept it.

Thing is: she got a chance to change it and missed it. Yes, she might have been teased for a bit but that would have been over after a month. Instead, she is lumbered with the name for life: every time she meets someone new she feels obliged to make fun of herself to avoid embarrassment.

If you think your DC has a case - I'm not French and can't judge - I can't see why you shouldn't help him out. Using your middle name (or saying it was your middle name) is fair enough: just say you changed it because people couldn't pronounce Owen properly in France! Make it about them : )

Because the C'est also sounds like the c (when you say the alphabet - a b C (say/c'est) and when you say OweN in French it sounds like O N (kids will say it spells out C- O-N
X

Let him change it if he wants, but it just sounds like the other boys are ass holes. We are also in france, and know an Owen. This hasn't happened to him.
These kids might just find something else to pick at and your poor DS will have changed his name.

Would they not find it even more amusing that he changed his name and start a whole new round of teasing?

Bully - C'est Owen

His reply, 'oui c'est toi qui est con. Tous les jours la meme chose. T'es con ou quoi?'

I know you shouldn't fight fire with fire, but sometimes you need to with bullies.

I think it is a perfectly lovely name, and that this is a bullying issue, and definitely not about his name. My guess would be that they will tease him with any name.

You need to arm yourself with a plan on how to deal with the bullies, not change his name.

Your little one needs to learn to stand up for himself, so if Jean oe whoever is bullying him then he has some comebacks ready and waiting. I have had do this with both my dc over the years. No harm in teaching children to be assertive. If you are lucky you can nip this in the bud with some put downs and really supporting the nicer friends he has. Does he have some friends? How is he apart from this at school?

Secondly you need to go and see the form tutor and ask them how they intend to stop this. It is a school issue and they need to be all over it.

Lastly please only change his name if this is still a problem in 18 months and if it is a problem beyond the classroom. You have another junction at senior level where it would be far easier to change his name.

I can really imagine you might regret changing it in years to come because of these horrible little kids so don't rush into it. Sorry you are going through such a horrid situation, and not in your home country must be really difficult

Let him change it, it's not your name, it's his.

I changed mine as an adult for similar reasons and love my name now. I'd cringe at hearing it called out (doctors for eg) I hated introducing myself and felt physically sick when seeing it worn on letters. I wish I'd done it sooner. I'm free.

One of my friends at uni grew up between France and England - her given name was/is Tara but in France that sounds awful so she went by Tala in France and Tara here. Maybe he could have a "France" name?

I'm mum to an Owen (Prayer for Owen Meany is my favourite book) so obviously I am biased and wouldn't change it. And I myself grew up hating my very rhyme-friendly name and swearing I would change it when I was 18 because everyone teased me "all the time". Well I didn't, and now I have a distinctive name that people remember, very helpful in networking! So honestly, I wouldn't give in - and I endured over a decade of teasing!

I wouldn't change it because they'll only take the pee out of him for doing so.

Just work on the retorts 'God you're boring'. 'Yes...and?' 'Whatever'

Whatever works for 9 year olds on France that conveys utter boredom with their stupid 'joke'.

My ginger haired cousin has it perfected. He has several different replies & they're all funny. He's a class act 😊

im sure they will soon forget about if you dont make a big deal about it

My daughter was 12 before she was teased about her name (....Stephanie)

this was from a 5yr old girl telling other's to call her fanny insead of her proper name .. she had went through primary with no issues even from the boys
the 5 yr olds Mother had the cheek to say my daughter must have taught her !!

Personally I don't think you should change his name, especially as he has had it for 9 years. I would come up with ways for him to overcome being bothered by the teasing (my surname has caused a lot of teasing over the years, this soon stopped when I made jokes myself) and explain that when he is 18 he will then be old enough to make a life long decision properly and if he still feels the same then, you will support him 100%.

He should be able to change his name if he wants - but I don't think it will solve the problem at all. The bullies will still call him by his original name and probably find some way of making fun of his new name.

I'd get the school to deal with the bullying head on because it's clearly making his life hell.

My son is the 81/2 and sounds v similar to your son. He has had a lot of bullying this year so I have spent the Summer trying to teach him to stand up for himself - (he is prone to crying).

I read a book called "How to bullyproof your child!" And have found it helpful. We have discussed why the bully is doing it and he now has worked out that the bully has to be nasty to feel important and by demystifying it DS does not feel intimidated by him anymore. He went to a birthday party this pm all ready to stand up for himself only to be met with hugs from the bully saying that he had missed him all Summer 🙉

My brother had a similar issue and changed to his middle name but it did no good. We were not socialised with other kids outside school so while most of the kids had shared experiences at Gymnastics or Swimming we had nothing to offer.

I think the name itself is irrelevant. When we were 10 we had a plump boy at our school who was Milk Tits, a boy who had a olive complexion - the "N" word, a girl called Slag or Pro (Prostitute) because she talked to some boys once and another called Scabby because she had impetigo.

Does your son play in any teams like football or hockey with his peers. We've found with ours being in a team outside school gives a shared experience that binds the kids together positively - they have things in common to talk about.

Don't change it, Owen is a fab name!
DH is half Irish, half Italian, grew up in Italy with an Irish name. He perfected a gallic shrug for the times that he was teased about his name. DH also suggests Karate lessons to boost Owen's confidence....
We live in the Uk and our kids are teased for their 'funny' surname....

Owen is a nice name imo

Punching the bully usually works.

Yes I know I know but it really does.

Hey @mashedpotatoes , I think you should let your DS decide what he wants to do! At the end of the day, if he wants to change his name, then let him. I understand you gave him this name because you thought it was the best, but if its affecting his confidence, isn't it the moral thing to do? LOL (lots of love) xx

Even if he changes his name the 'con' nickname might stick. I know lots of men who have a nickname from their schooldays.

I think if you let him change his name because of the bullies then it means they've won.

Firstly it's the school that need to deal with the issue at hand not your son needs to change his name. He is a different nationality and he should be made to feel welcome not ostracised because his name just happens to sound similar to a French word. The school need to do some serious work in foreign relation and how these children are going to have to grow up and deal with different sounding names every day of the week. Tell your son I live very near to a very famous Owen as in Liverpool football club Michael Owen and I bet those children wouldn't take the "Michael" out of him now would they. If you and your children intend to live in France for the forceabable future then maybe he should change his name but not because the school hasn't gotten its act together and stopped theses idiots and believe me I understand bullying as my sons have been bullied for years and we ended up having to change school at the tale end of last year.

I haven't read all the replies but I really feel for Owen. I am known by what was my middle name these days after merciless teasing about my first name while at school. I didn't change it at school though; as others have noted, bullies will find something else. I changed it when I went to Uni where there was nobody who knew, and I didn't then have to live with the constant reminder of so much unhappiness. I still cannot hear the name without feeling like I'm back there at school. Eventually I deed-polled it out of existence and off all my ID. It's all very well people saying you can't give in, but when your very identity is mixed up with pain, what else is there? I'd tell him to pick a name he likes, and change once the bullies are out of range if (and only if) it still bothers him. I planned to change from the age of 11.

OP

I'm really sorry to hear that your son is being bullied like this. Children do this because whether in France or the UK - kids can be little sh*ts to each other the world over. Sorry to put it strongly like that, but my oldest son was bullied mercilessly at primary school - 6 years of that really knocked his confidence, and before anyone says anything I did go to the school, I did offer to move him (although by that stage he'd made friends in the year below so didn't want to). He really only got past it when he went to a completely different (and better) secondary school than the other boys in his year group.

He was bullied about a number of different things - first name, surname, his hair being curly - you name it the bullies used it.

Basically OP (and I expect you are feeling the same helplessness I did as I kept exhausting all official methods), nothing is probably going to help except him cultivating the 'I'm bored', 'Whatever' type persona that other posters have suggested.

I get the problem with his name in the part of France you are in, but if its not his name it will definitely be something else. They have decided to target him and changing his name is very unlikely to help.
Cultivating complete indifference to the bullies and making friends with other children somewhere else is the best thing. We also enrolled my son into learning a martial arts (which is still doing and is now the equivalent of a black belt) which helped with his confidence.

The school were cr*p and just didn't deal with it. In saying that I have seen other primary schools (moved my youngest son for different reasons to another one) deal with a boy who was being bullied spot on and nipped the issues in the bud. Likewise the secondary school both my two went to, dealt with Year 7 bullying of my eldest (it continued - 2 of the boys went from his old school and tried indoctrinating his new friends) and they squashed it completely once they knew.

So schools can deal with bullying it really depends on the outlook and culture of the school in question. Moving schools might be something to consider - my eldest didn't want to in the end, but at the end of the day he needs your love and support.

It does make my blood boil re bullies. We tried everything - in the end ignoring and complete indifference and making new friends was the only thing that helped my DS cope.

Good luck OP to you and Owen (which is a lovely name - one to be proud of).