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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend telling my child off?

164 replies

JuniperGrey · 18/08/2017 23:18

Just been to see a show with friends and our children.

Children sat on the front row, and us behind. There was a scene with smoke coming off the stage. My dd was moving her hand (not dramatically) to move it out her face.

Friend then taps her on the shoulder and tells her to stop doing that right now as she's wafting smoke into her dds face.

OP posts:
Booboobooboo84 · 18/08/2017 23:19

And your problem is....

Original poster
JuniperGrey · 18/08/2017 23:24

My dd was upset, friend was really sharp with her. She's a child and she wasn't doing it in purpose.

But forget it, responses like that I just give up.

OP posts:
NataliaOsipova · 18/08/2017 23:26

I don't see the problem either, to be honest. Did the same myself a few weeks ago. I was sitting next to friend's DD in the theatre. Friend's DD was kicking the seat of the lady in front of her (and clearly annoying her a bit). I told friend's DD to make sure she didn't kick the seat in front. I'd have expected friend to do the same if my DD had been kicking someone's seat. All very calmly done, so no big deal.

SuperLoveFuzz · 18/08/2017 23:26

Sounds like you are both being really precious. Is there a history of rivalry or competitive parenting with your DD's?

HeebieJeebies456 · 18/08/2017 23:26

and you never spoke up or said anything to your mate?

Booboobooboo84 · 18/08/2017 23:27

Well maybe if you'd given all the information. Hmm

Why was your daughter wafting smoke around it would have been affecting others around her and your friend was right to correct her. Tbf you should have asked her to stop. Why is your child so upset about being asked to stop is your friend a monster?

Ninjakittysmells · 18/08/2017 23:27

Me and my friends all 'tell off' our own and each other's kids. I trust them enough to have sound judgement and it takes a village etc etc.

Whosthemummynow · 18/08/2017 23:28

Is that a telling off? Sounds like she just had a quiet word. No need for your DD to be upset Confused

NataliaOsipova · 18/08/2017 23:28

..plus - I'm sure she wasn't doing it on purpose. But when you're in the theatre, it isn't appropriate to have an involved conversation about something in the middle of a performance, or you'll disturb others around you. So a quick "don't" is probably for the best all round.

stormytherabbit · 18/08/2017 23:28

Call the police. Your dc must be absolutely beside herself.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 18/08/2017 23:29

Did you tell your friend you were annoyed.

geekone · 18/08/2017 23:29

YABU I tell off my friend children and vice Versa and am not in the slightest annoyed when they do.

Notknownatthisaddress · 18/08/2017 23:30

YABU and over sensitive, and you never said your friend was 'sharp' with your daughter in your first post. So it kind of sounds like you're drip feeding and making up things to suit, because people aren't reacting like you want them to.

Sorry but if you can't discipline your child, them someone has to.

Your friend did nothing wrong.

BackforGood · 18/08/2017 23:30

Seems an odd thing to say to a child - I mean, if there is smoke coming off the stage, then it is instinct to waft it away from your face - your dd wasn't wafting it into her friend's face at all.
However, on the general principle, I agree with everyone else - if you go places together / are round at each other's houses / spend time together, then either adult can remind any of the dc about their behaviour, and usually the parent then thanks the friend for helping them out.

arethereanyleftatall · 18/08/2017 23:32

That isn't telling off, that's requesting they stop doing something; totally different. Yabu.

CoffeeChocolateWine · 18/08/2017 23:33

I wouldn't have a problem with a friend disciplining my DC.

However, your phrasing...
tells her to stop doing that right now as she's wafting smoke into her dds face.
...the 'right now' bit makes it sound like she was unnecessarily harsh with your DD. Is that the thing that upset you and your DD? Because I agree with you...I wouldn't have liked that one bit. I would have no problem with a friend saying in a calm and kind way 'please don't do that", but from the words you use it doesn't sound like she said it kindly.

EsmeeMerlin · 18/08/2017 23:35

Don't see an issue to be honest. Your dd was waving smoke in another child's face so she was asked to stop waving her arm around. That's a non issue surely.

ClemDanfango · 18/08/2017 23:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsBrown72 · 18/08/2017 23:42

God my friends kids get treated exactly the same as I treat my own!! But I would wonder why your daughter had to sit covered in smoke if she was just clearing it away from her face but it couldn't touch the other child....what would your friend have done if the ticketing had meant her child was in your DD's seat?

C0untDucku1a · 18/08/2017 23:45

The i just give up line makes me think actually your definition of dramatically would be different to mine!

BlondeB83 · 18/08/2017 23:45

YABU

FrancisCrawford · 18/08/2017 23:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
JuniperGrey · 18/08/2017 23:48

She wasn't waving her arm around, she was moving her hand in front of her face. Natural reaction.

Friend was really sharp with her. There was no need. She wasn't being dramatic and waving her arm around and she wasn't kicking someone's chair,

OP posts:
BasketOfDeplorables · 18/08/2017 23:49

Why was your daughter wafting smoke around it would have been affecting others around her and your friend was right to correct her

I'm assuming this isn't actual smoke. Perfectly understandable that anyone would waft it away, as its instict, but there's no way it's a problem that it's on your face. Weird to tell a child not to do that, the other child was capable of wafting, too, if she wanted, surely.

WineAndTiramisu · 18/08/2017 23:49

But why shouldn't she waft the smoke away from her face? It doesn't seem like she wafted it towards someone else on purpose, seems a bit unfair to tell her off for trying to get it away from her face because other mum doesn't want it near her dd...!