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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend telling my child off?

164 replies

JuniperGrey · 18/08/2017 23:18

Just been to see a show with friends and our children.

Children sat on the front row, and us behind. There was a scene with smoke coming off the stage. My dd was moving her hand (not dramatically) to move it out her face.

Friend then taps her on the shoulder and tells her to stop doing that right now as she's wafting smoke into her dds face.

OP posts:
Neutrogena · 20/08/2017 18:07

OP - I am sure you have read this situation incorrectly.
Accept it and move on.

MsGameandWatching · 20/08/2017 18:10

Many MNetters seem to really love telling other people's kids off and will go to any lengths to justify it. I find the smug posts describing all the telling offs they have had the opportunity to dish out to other people's children a bit nauseating tbh.

I wouldn't have liked it either OP. Wouldn't have said anything as wouldn't want to disrupt the performance but would have reassured my dd after that she wasn't doing anything wrong and if it was in ear shot of friend then so much the better.

Dustbunny1900 · 20/08/2017 18:18

I think your friend was being the "precious" one, frankly. If she was being sharp about it, I would have had serious words with her. Oh dear, a bit of dry ice may waft into her darling baby's direction! Puh lease.

grannytomine · 20/08/2017 18:20

Seems like a normal thing for a child, or adult, to do. If her daughter was bothered by the smoke she could have wafted it away as well. I don't think you should be sharp with other people's children unless there is a safety issue.

Summerswallow · 20/08/2017 18:29

Don't expect other people to tell off my children, it is very rarely necessary and only really for danger or to prevent others being hurt, I can't think of a time it's been necessary almost ever, and I never tell off others children unless likewise (have removed the odd stick from child hitting etc). In this situation, I would say nothing if I saw another child wafting some smoke away from their own face!

I don't like sharp parents who take pleasure in telling off my kids, it wouldn't enhance any of my friendships, that's for sure.

Carrie80 · 20/08/2017 18:32

Why should the child leave the smoke to go in her face she is entitled to try and move it if it is aftecting her and no friend should not have told her to stop

Keeptrackbetter · 20/08/2017 18:37

My friends and I tell of each other's children and I wouldn't expect anything less but it's seem an overreaction on your friends part, unless her dd was quite a bit younger?

derxa · 20/08/2017 18:38

This is the third thread I've read today where someone has told off a child. I've resolved never to look at a another person's child never mind talk to them ever again in case my intention is misconstrued.

derxa · 20/08/2017 18:40

Many MNetters seem to really love telling other people's kids off and will go to any lengths to justify it. I find it's the opposite.

MsMommie · 20/08/2017 19:21

YANBU...

kmjbragg · 20/08/2017 19:36

Sounds like she thinks it's fine for your daughter to inhale 'smoke' but not her own? Sounds like a bit of a cow to me. Never any need to speak sharply to some else's child. Say what is necessary by all means, but for goodness sake, it sounds like her dd is too precious for fake smoke but yours isn't. I'm with you.

JustMe77 · 20/08/2017 20:00

Do you think your dd may have already done something to annoy your friend? Its possible she'd been stewing on something and thats why she was a bit sharp.

Cuppatea85 · 20/08/2017 20:00

I agree with you OP. It sounds like your friend was harsh and I wouldn't be ok with my friends being sharp with my kids over something like that. Your dd had every right to waft it out of her face. The other child could have done the same. I don't think you sound precious or anything like that as others have suggested. Absolutely normal that you are a bit annoyed, I would be too. I think I'd have said something to my friend if my dd was upset about it. I've given other kids a telling off and others have given my kids one too but over something more serious than this! YANBU at all.

kastiekastie · 20/08/2017 20:18

to me if someone said 'right now' to my son I would think that was unreasonable

Borodin · 20/08/2017 20:19

Were the words really "stop doing that right now"? If so then your friend is out of order and YANBU.

Stage smoke is water vapour —the stuff that comes out of your mouth on a cold day—and isn't harmful in any way. It may have been annoying to be unable to see the performance through it, but your DD wafting it away wouldn't have significantly changed the experience of your friend's DD's next to her.

It sounds like your friend's a bit of a twit. But if you're asking whether you should complain to her then it depends on whether she has form for this, and how much you value the friendship.

Borodin · 20/08/2017 20:39

MsGameandWatching

"Many MNetters seem to really love telling other people's kids off and will go to any lengths to justify it. I find the smug posts describing all the telling offs they have had the opportunity to dish out to other people's children a bit nauseating tbh."

I think you've been reading a different Mumsnet from me. I have seen discussions about hurt (or indignant) parents who wonder whether another adult should have disciplined their child. There have also been disturbed and inconvenienced people who wonder how to handle undisciplined children who have run amok. But I haven't once seen anyone gloating about the opportunity to "dish out telling offs" to an errant child.

I think most people here understand the rules and boundaries of everyday life, and those who are unsure are generally treated well if they post an AIBU to ask. I would be very surprised if anyone had written something along the lines that you describe without getting a well-deserved roasting.

Can you give us a reference to one of these "smug" posts that have upset you?

Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 20/08/2017 20:50

Has anyone mentioned the ridiculousness that is op's friends reason for the telling off? That the smoke is being wafted onto her dd. I think I would fall over laughing if anyone was so precious IRL

lotsofconfuse · 20/08/2017 20:56

You sound very precious.

lotsofconfuse · 20/08/2017 20:58

You're trying to convince us that your dd was doing nothing wrong and friend was sharp with her unnecessarily, but we weren't there. If you feel your friend was out of order why didn't you just say something?

lotsofconfuse · 20/08/2017 21:01

Wish someone would tell my kids off, infact I love it when they do! Am always grateful.

MsGameandWatching · 20/08/2017 21:17

Can you give us a reference to one of these "smug" posts that have upset you?

Where did I say I was "upset"? Confused

And no I can't link you that them, because I can't be bothered. They pop up with monotonous regularity so I am sure you'll see one soon Smile

Dianag111 · 20/08/2017 21:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Borodin · 20/08/2017 22:30

MsGameandWatching

Where did I say I was "upset"?

You said you found such posts "a bit nauseating". I find being nauseated quite upsetting, and I thought that was the point of your post.

And no I can't link you that them, because I can't be bothered. They pop up with monotonous regularity so I am sure you'll see one soon.

So you could, but you won't. Then you'll forgive me for not believing a word that you say? Why not be upset about something real instead of inventing imaginary posts on Mumsnet? There are many awful things happening in the world already; just pick one.

JayDot500 · 20/08/2017 23:03

As much as this is a tiny tiny issue in the grand scheme of most things on earth, I do understand where you're coming from OP. I wonder if she would have told her child off so curtly if they had done the same.

Out here in the real world I'm realising that a lot of mums are quick to 'correct' other people's children for things they'd not be as severe about with their own DC. Sometimes they'd not even bother. I say this as a mother of a DS who is constantly around children. My son isn't the one being corrected too much, he's only little, but I do notice the interactions between adults and children around me.

It's interesting, but I'd not get too upset about it. In this world you cannot control how people perceive your actions, your child will learn that. Perhaps teach your child to learn how to respectfully speak up for themselves.

IDoDaChaCha · 21/08/2017 08:15

*lotsofconfuse

Wish someone would tell my kids off, infact I love it when they do! Am always grateful.*

Can't you parent your own kids without the intervention of others..? Odd.