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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stopped DP from going to friends engagement party to go to my dads annual BBQ - WIBU?

252 replies

Clumsymumsy22 · 18/08/2017 19:48

My dad has a BBQ every year and they invite about 30 friends altogether. I now have an 8 month old so I was particularly looking forward to it as no one knew I wasn't pregnant last year. We confirmed we were going about 2 months in advance, as soon as we got our invites. But about 2 weeks before the BBQ, DP told me one of his best friends from uni had got engaged and had invited us to their party the same night as the BBQ. Non of us live near each other, and it's about, 45 minutes to my dads and about an hour an a half to this friends. We wouldn't have been able to take baby to engagement party as it was in the evening and so far from home, but could take her to my dads as it was in the day.

When DP asked me if he could go, leaving me at home with baby for the night, I said he can go but I would prefer it if he came with me to my dad's as we had already committed. DP said the engagement arty was for a really close friend of his for a really special occasion, whereas my dad has his BBQ's every year.

None the less, we all went to the BBQ, baby screamed the whole time and we were only there an hour. On the way home I apologised for him missing out on the engagement for that, and he reiterated that the engagement would have meant a lot more to him and he felt he should have gone.

Should I have let him go? I was really glad to have his support at the BBQ with baby screaming.

Who was being unreasonable?

OP posts:
KinkyAfro · 18/08/2017 19:50

YWDBU - let him go? You sound like his mum. I'd much prefer to go to a party than a BBQ that happens every year

KinkyAfro · 18/08/2017 19:51

He could have gone afterwards but im guessing you wouldn't have liked that either so he didn't bother asking

JeReviens · 18/08/2017 19:51

It's not your place to 'let' or 'not let' him do anything. He is an adult. You are not his jailer.

Wowzel · 18/08/2017 19:52

I think you were. You could have gone on your own to the BBQ and he could have gone to the party.

MurielsBottom · 18/08/2017 19:53

YABU

Nocabbageinmyeye · 18/08/2017 19:53

"let" him go Confused Jesus yanbu, massively so, loosen the reins there love. I actually feel sorry for him, mind you I can't believe he just accepted he couldn't go

SweetLuck · 18/08/2017 19:53

He should have gone to the engagement

Pretenditsaplan · 18/08/2017 19:54

I would of gone to dads party in the day and asked dad to babysit while you went to the party with dp

Chapterandverse · 18/08/2017 19:54

"Let him go" Hmm

Bonamana · 18/08/2017 19:54

Yabu, I can't believe he missed his close friends engagement party to go to a BBQ.

SilverySurfer · 18/08/2017 19:55

I think you were unreasonable. Your DF's BBQ is an annual event whereas the engagement party was a one off occasion. Would your DF really have missed your DP if you had gone to his BBQ without him?

Calvinlookingforhobbs · 18/08/2017 19:55

You were horribly unreasonable and controlling.

BakedBeans47 · 18/08/2017 19:55

YABVU

Incidentally, how would you feel if he talked about "letting" or "not letting" you do anything? He's an adult and can doesn't need your permission.

NoWittyNamesAvailable · 18/08/2017 19:55

Why couldn't he have still gone afterwards? You only stayed an hour, plenty of time to go to the engagement party too.

YABU to use "let him go", he's an adult. He doesn't need permission.

missmollyhadadolly · 18/08/2017 19:56

I now have an 8 month old so I was particularly looking forward to it as no one knew I wasn't pregnant last year.

So you didn't want any other babies to share your limelight? Do people actually think like this?! Shock

Yes, YABU. Why couldn't you go on your own?

Nocabbageinmyeye · 18/08/2017 19:56

Yabu, I just realised I said yanbu 😂 oops, I would have been a lone voice there I suspect

Louiselouie0890 · 18/08/2017 19:57

YABU!

Leeds2 · 18/08/2017 19:58

I think DP could've done some time at the BBQ with you, and then gone on, by himself, to the engagement party.

ligersaremyfavouriteanimal · 18/08/2017 19:58

This must be a reverse?!? Otherwise you sound very controlling! Why on earth did you need his support at the bbq?!? You only have one 8 month old?!? He won't forget this, it's the sort of thing that breeds resentment

Tiptoethr0ughthetulips · 18/08/2017 19:59

YABU, you should have gone to your Dad's without him, it's only once.

missmollyhadadolly · 18/08/2017 19:59

I suspect this thread will get deleted to protect OP's privacy.

scrivette · 18/08/2017 19:59

DP should have gone to the party and perhaps should have been come to the BBQ too.

MoonfaceAndSilky · 18/08/2017 20:00

Ywbu, you should have 'let' him go to the engagement party and you could have taken baby to bbq.

Glumglowworm · 18/08/2017 20:00

Yabu

You and the baby should've gone to the BBQ and he should've gone to the engagement party.

It's selfish to "make" someone miss a one off event that means a lot to them, especially for something that a) happens every year and b) you are perfectly capable of doing with your partner

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 18/08/2017 20:00

YABU. Bit mean of you really.