Stopped DP from going to friends engagement party to go to my dads annual BBQ - WIBU?

[Clumsymumsy22]

My dad has a BBQ every year and they invite about 30 friends altogether. I now have an 8 month old so I was particularly looking forward to it as no one knew I wasn't pregnant last year. We confirmed we were going about 2 months in advance, as soon as we got our invites. But about 2 weeks before the BBQ, DP told me one of his best friends from uni had got engaged and had invited us to their party the same night as the BBQ. Non of us live near each other, and it's about, 45 minutes to my dads and about an hour an a half to this friends. We wouldn't have been able to take baby to engagement party as it was in the evening and so far from home, but could take her to my dads as it was in the day.

When DP asked me if he could go, leaving me at home with baby for the night, I said he can go but I would prefer it if he came with me to my dad's as we had already committed. DP said the engagement arty was for a really close friend of his for a really special occasion, whereas my dad has his BBQ's every year.

None the less, we all went to the BBQ, baby screamed the whole time and we were only there an hour. On the way home I apologised for him missing out on the engagement for that, and he reiterated that the engagement would have meant a lot more to him and he felt he should have gone.

Should I have let him go? I was really glad to have his support at the BBQ with baby screaming.

Who was being unreasonable?

Yep yabu, I'm surprised he put up with being told he wasn't 'allowed' to go, are you his minder?

Yabu. Why couldn't he have gone later?

'Let him go?' WTAF?

Then again, I couldn't have any respect for a man who would let me tell him what to do. You sound horribly controlling, but he sounds spineless.

YWBU! Presumably you knew a lot of people at your dad's BBQ and they could have helped you out with your crying baby?

I can see why you'd want him there with you; it's nice to attend these kind of family's events with your DH and baby. But a friend's engagement party is a big thing and you could still go to the BBQ on your own. I'd be really upset if I were your husband.

Hell yeah you're being unreasonable
VVVV Unreasonable
I don't think this is real , if this is you seriously need a word with yourself

You stopped him going so you could go to a family BBQ?

I think you owe him an apology tbh.

How comes you only stayed an hour?

I don't see why you couldn't do the BBQ and him the engagement party.

Yes, his best friend's engagement party was a special once-only thing.

Imagine if you had had such a party and your oldest and best friend turned you down in favour of the annual BBQ.

At a family BBQ of all places there should have been family support for you if you needed it. An 8 month old is not a newborn.

I think you need to talk to your DP about this and truly acknowledge that you were wrong. He was clearly still not happy about it. You will wreck your relationship if you make your family annual events take precedence over everything, every time.

The engagement party was important to him.

Yabu and rather mean

YWBCU I agree with @ligersaremyfavouriteanimal that this sort of thing breeds resentment.

Why could you not have gone to the BBQ with your baby and he could have gone to the engagement party?

YWBU. And mean. For no real reason.

I'm going to go against the grain here. Surely you honour the invitation you accepted first? You and him accepted the BBQ invite months in advance it would be rude to cancel due to a better offer 2 weeks prior. I'm surprised at the way this has gone since that's normally the mn stance. I guess the words let him have riled people up.

"let him go"? Had I have been him I would have gone to the engagement party, having apologised and explained to your dad who presumably he sees fairly regularly.

You should go to the event you accept first...otherwise it's just rude.

But I'm not one for being told.what to do. 😂 And would struggle to enjoy being married to someone who let me tell them what to do, especially given he clearly resented the decision you made for him and harboured that.

This isn't top trumps at a kids birthday party. This is about honouring the most special and unique event. You know you've made a mistake. How about organising him to go to his friends for the night soon and catch up?

Ywbu, You could've still have attended your Dad's BBQ, and you DP could've gone to the engagement party, I'm sure you could've still had a lovely time and had help with the baby without him, and he could've been there for his friend to celebrate the engagement.

Do people actually send invitations to BBQ's??

Yes, ywbu. It's a BBQ in comparison to a hopefully once in a lifetime event for his friend. My DH wouldn't even have asked if he could have went, I would be telling him he was.

Why couldn't you have gone to different events? Are you able to cope with the baby on your own or is there something else going on here that means you need your DP's constant assistance?

You and him accepted the BBQ invite months in advance it would be rude to cancel due to a better offer 2 weeks prior.

I'd say it's ruder to miss an engagement party on account of a BBQ.

Erm, do you even need to ask? Of course you were.

YABVU

Yeah, that was a bit unfair, an engagement party only happens once (hopefully) as opposed to every year.