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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed with this topless lady?

581 replies

user3785022135267845922 · 18/08/2017 13:09

... we r on holiday in a family resort in sunny country. There is a lady who keeps ending up on the sun loungers opposite us, who seems to enjoy lying topless by the pool everyday. She has a DS who looks about 15, and a DD who looks about 5.

I think it's really inappropriate to sunbathe topless on a family resort in full view of everyone and right by the toddler pool, and with her own DS around. Am I being unreasonable in feeling uncomfortable and wishing she'd cover up??

OP posts:

VestalVirgin · 18/08/2017 13:44

I don't wear bras.

Would sunbathe topless IF we didn't live in a fucking patriarchy where men would stare at me and objectify me if I sunbathed topless.

I support women who refuse to bow to double standards and are brave enough to risk the hate and objectification they get for DOING THE EXACT FUCKING SAME THING ALL MEN FEEL ENTITLED TO.

I don't get what's so confusing about it.

I am sure there's plenty Muslim women who wear a headscarf while opposing sexist laws that would force them to do so.

(And by the way I intend to start sunbathing topless as soon as I get to the age where women turn invisible. Because then, no one will see me, anyway. )

CrossSugarman · 18/08/2017 13:45

OP I'm picturing you in a tweed two piece, second best hat on, beads of sweat on your brow, sitting by the poolside knitting furiously while stealing a disapproving glance at the harlot's baps every 30 seconds.

VestalVirgin · 18/08/2017 13:45

Some of us have the presence to know there is a difference between men's chests and women's breasts and the sexual arousal associated with them.

I don't care shit about what men choose to be sexually aroused by. Today it is your breasts, tomorrow your ankles and next week your hair.

AboutAGallonofDietCoke · 18/08/2017 13:46

Urgh.....there is always these same women who seem to think they're the best thing since sliced bread who just can't wait to get their tits out at every opportunity, appropriate or not.
Personally I think it's a think a bit grim and cheap but there you go!

CrossSugarman · 18/08/2017 13:46

Some of us have the presence to know there is a difference between men's chests and women's breasts and the sexual arousal associated with them.

Well if you watch where you walk you should be able to avoid tripping up over all the erections.

ToastyFeet · 18/08/2017 13:47

I was on a packed beach in Ibiza last month and there seemed to be more women topless than wearing a top.
I'd love to have the confidence and pert little boobs to go topless on the beach!
If you don't like it, move or look away.

lolaflores · 18/08/2017 13:47

Sunbathed topless in my younger days. I lived in Spain for 3 years and loved the German ladies of all sizes and ages letting their chests out for a run. I am from a small irish town where i felt uncomfortable wearing shorts in the summer so the liberation of women taking off their tops without the world actually stopping was wonderful.
Wouldn't now though due to the sag of time and because I have become very wary of sun damage.

CrossSugarman · 18/08/2017 13:48

there is always these same women who seem to think they're the best thing since sliced bread who just can't wait to get their tits out at every opportunity, appropriate or not.

At church, parent teacher meetings, in Morrison’s?

LuLuuuuuuu · 18/08/2017 13:48

Yes its you

Enjoy your holiday and don't obsess over topless women . Perhaps they are French or Spanish or something where they tend to uncover more than the Brits .

IAmTheDragon · 18/08/2017 13:48

would you sunbathe topless with you teenage DS around?

Yep. My own dad saw my tits yesterday too. I'm not body precious in the slightest.

Jennypug · 18/08/2017 13:50

I wouldn't hugely like someone sunbathing topless in a family resort. I am very prudish though. To me my breasts are sexual, yes they have also fed my babies, but in between times their main role is providing sexual pleasure for me and my husband - we do not enjoy my husband's chest in the same way! For that reason I'd rather keep my own covered and would rather not see someone else's across the pool.

ethelfleda · 18/08/2017 13:50

Well I've a cracking pair but wouldn't get them out in front of anyone but my husband (or medical professional, obvs )
It probably wouldn't bother me to be honest. But for some reason I hate it when men walk around topless in summer... just walking down the street or whatever... what's that about?? They usually have their shirts tucked in to their shorts

LorLorr2 · 18/08/2017 13:50

When I used to see women topless on the beach on holiday all I could think was 'good for you!!' I wish I had the confidence.

LogicalPsycho · 18/08/2017 13:51

Would you sunbathe topless with you teenage DS around?

No, personally I wouldn't but that's only because I know it would make him very uncomfortable. He has ASD, is quite sensitive about nudity especially when its his mother- he screamed once when walking in on me in the bath

DDs have no qualms about it though, so I have on occasion in Europe swam and sunbathed topless when just with them.

AltheaThoon · 18/08/2017 13:51

I don't sunbathe topless but then again I'm more of a swimsuit-and-tshirt-combo kind of beach go-er. I'm not good in the sun. Other women going topless doesn't bother me. They're not solely objects of sexual titillation.

My pre-teenage ds hasn't seen me sunbathing topless (because as I said, I don't do that) but I'm breastfeeding his younger brother and have been known to sit 'with them out' at home while he bobs from one to the next, snacking and playing. I have joked that my nipples are to ds2 what fidget spinners are to ds1 😂

viques · 18/08/2017 13:53

Men don't have boobs? I am in the itty bitty titty sisterhood and many men have bigger tits than I have.

TreasureInMyTummy · 18/08/2017 13:53

Slightly off topic but connected.

I went to Turkey a few years ago and went to a Turkish baths. When I went through to women's bit I was giving paper knickers and a small flannel. When I went through to the bath bit there were lots of women lying on a big marble slab chilling and chatting waiting for their turn to be washed.

They all had their baps outs. At first I felt so self conscious and had flannel over mine and then thought sod it. Everyone was different shapes and sizes and boobs were all different too I felt so liberated and then relaxed and forgot about it.

At one point a mum with daughter about 7-10 yrs ( sorry not good at aging other children) came in both with just knickers on. They seemed to know other Turkish women there and all chatted and laughed together. I remember thinking how great it was the little girl was there and totally non plussed and seeing that women's bodies come in every shape and size and she won't just be stuck with the one image of perfect women in the media.

I'm pregnant with first child and I hope ( boy or girl) I can make them
Feel as relaxed and at ease with naked bodies as I did that day.

IAmTheDragon · 18/08/2017 13:53

But for some reason I hate it when men walk around topless in summer... just walking down the street or whatever... what's that about??

YES! This! I'd much rather see a lovely pair of knockers than some blokes hairy back.

Moregilmoregirls · 18/08/2017 13:54

Went to a family pool in Spain a few years back, lots of Spanish families all the mums were topless, as was I, yabu they are just breasts.

MrsMeeseeks · 18/08/2017 13:54

I would barely even notice. Some people just have tits. Seen one pair and you have seen them all!

ButtHoleinOne · 18/08/2017 13:56

Honest question - not trying to antogonise, just realising I'm more prudish than I thought! ... to all those that think it's fine - would you sunbathe topless with you teenage DS around? (If you do, that's cool, just trying to work out why I think it's wierd and why I am feeling uncomfortable with it compared to everyone else!)

If her teen boy was worried about it, I'm sure you would have heard! They aren't known for quietly telling their mothers off for embarrassing them are they?

I used to spend a lot of time in topless beach countries as a child. I never worried about it and certainly wasn't harmed by it.

ButtHoleinOne · 18/08/2017 13:57

Oh and yes to boobs over budgy smugglers anyway

AltheaThoon · 18/08/2017 13:57

"there is always these same women who seem to think they're the best thing since sliced bread who just can't wait to get their tits out at every opportunity, appropriate or not."

What a strange attitude

Kenworthington · 18/08/2017 13:58

Crikey.
Well I sunbathe topless all the time on holiday abroad. Would't occur to me to not! I only put a bikini top on to swim and to walk around/go to the bar. I have 3 dc- ds1 is 18, ds2 is 14 and dd is 12, out of all of my kids the least fazed are the boys, esp ds2 . He's remarkably cool with the sight of me naked. And half dressed. He's just not bothered by it at all.

VestalVirgin · 18/08/2017 14:00

But for some reason I hate it when men walk around topless in summer... just walking down the street or whatever... what's that about??

I guess you hate it because they do it fucking everywhere, appropriate or not.

Whereas women only go topless at the beach.

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