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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pay friend back?

354 replies

Forevergazingupwards · 17/08/2017 18:58

Going through a bad break up and asked to see friend but she was busy that night and invited me to go with her to London the following weekend to visit a mutual friend.

I asked her about train tickets and at the end of the week she bought and paid for us both.

The night before my grandma died and so I didn't go. Now a month later and friend is chasing up the money for the train ticket. I don't think I should have to pay, aibu?

OP posts:
schokolade · 17/08/2017 19:30

If I were your friend and could afford to, then I'd let it go.

But seeing as she's asked, she needs/wants her money and it's time to pay up.

Mittens1969 · 17/08/2017 19:31

I am sorry about your loss though. I admit I wouldn't have chased you for it though.

But she may be out of pocket.

ffffffsake · 17/08/2017 19:31

I'm sorry you're having a shifty time OP but your friend shouldn't be out of pocket because you couldn't go!

YABU and you're incredibly inconsiderate- your troubles are unrelated to the fact that you owe money to your friend!

ThePants999 · 17/08/2017 19:31

It would have been nice of your friend to let it go. Since she hasn't, however, PAY.

NicolasFlamel · 17/08/2017 19:31

Just pay her! Okay you had a lot going on at the time but you've had some time and should be able to get on your online banking and send her the money. She might really need it! I'd feel too guilty not to pay a friend back!

Rapunzel15 · 17/08/2017 19:31

Tbh i personally would have let it go but thats just me.
Did you agree to pay her back before the tickets were bought?

lookatyourwatchnow · 17/08/2017 19:32

At the risk of sounding insensitive, your bereavement has absolutely nothing to do with you owing money to your friend.

MonicaFalullaGeller · 17/08/2017 19:35

I'm sorry your grandma died and you went through a bad break up.

Your friend has every right to ask for the money.

If she is well off and the tickets were £30, I might feel a touch peeved but still, that would be unfair as she is owed the money.

I don't think bereavement, means you don't owe her any money. But I imagine a lot of friends, provided it wouldn't leave them really poor, would feel so awful and not ask for the money.

Slimthistime · 17/08/2017 19:35

I am sorry for your loss OP

but unless we are talking about a tiny amount - which we can't be? - and/or your friend needs the money, you must pay her. Even on principle if it's £5, you must pay her.

Gorgosparta · 17/08/2017 19:36

Sorry about your grandma.

I get why you have forgotten. But now its not about forgetting. You just dont want to pay her back.

You need to pay her back.

selectedpicnicitems · 17/08/2017 19:36

The two don't cancel each other out though. It is sad that your Grandmother has died and that you have had a break up but not sure why you feel you don't need to pay your friend back? It's hardly her fault and doesn't matter whether she needs the money or not you owe her the money. I would be mortified if I had forgotten to reimburse someone although I hope she would understand why it slipped my/your mind.

Notreallyarsed · 17/08/2017 19:36

Just feel like she could have let it go when I'm going through a shit time with the break up and my gran.

I just lost my mum, and that is a crock of absolute shite OP. I'm sorry. Using a bereavement to avoid paying debts is pretty vile tbh.

dowhatyouwish · 17/08/2017 19:37

Sorry that your grandmother passed away, but you should pay your friend back the money as she is now out of pocket. I'm not sure how you can argue against her wanting the money she has lost.

user789653241 · 17/08/2017 19:37

Sorry for your loss.
But your situation doesn't justify your friend being out of her pocket.
Do you want to risk losing a friend over this?

BenLui · 17/08/2017 19:37

I'm not clear why your friend was paying for your ticket in the first place.

WatchingFromTheWings · 17/08/2017 19:38

YABU. You need to pay her back.

supermangotnothingonme · 17/08/2017 19:39

I'm sorry about your gran but using her death as an excuse not to pay your friend back is not on I'm afraid. Pay the money and if you decide to not continue the friendship as you feel hard done by that's up to you but your friend shouldn't be out of pocket. She might need that money.

selectedpicnicitems · 17/08/2017 19:39

Does it matter Ben Hmm

SonicBoomBoom · 17/08/2017 19:40

Why do you think your friend should bear the financial cost?

Cherrytart6 · 17/08/2017 19:41

You should pay her. It would be mean not to

Cherrytart6 · 17/08/2017 19:43

Yes you've had a shit time but that doesn't mean it's ok to
Leave your friend short.

WyfOfBathe · 17/08/2017 19:44

If you didn't want to pay a company for a service you didn't use, I would understand where you were coming from - although I would also understand their pov if they wouldn't refund a deposit or anything.

But when it's your friend, why would you leave her out of pocket? She can't absorb costs like a big business could. I live fairly near London and a return costs £20 minimum, so I wouldn't be happy just writing that off.

BenLui · 17/08/2017 19:45

Selected it might, if the friend was paying for them as the OP was skint or one was paying the train and the other the hotel etc.

Dailystuck71 · 17/08/2017 19:45

Yes. You need to pay her back.

purpledonkey · 17/08/2017 19:46

Is this really a question?! Confused