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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pay friend back?

354 replies

Forevergazingupwards · 17/08/2017 18:58

Going through a bad break up and asked to see friend but she was busy that night and invited me to go with her to London the following weekend to visit a mutual friend.

I asked her about train tickets and at the end of the week she bought and paid for us both.

The night before my grandma died and so I didn't go. Now a month later and friend is chasing up the money for the train ticket. I don't think I should have to pay, aibu?

OP posts:
PinkHeart5911 · 17/08/2017 19:22

*I'm guessing you think as your nana died, you shouldn't have to pay back the money because of that reason? Am I right? (Not being nasty, just wondered...)

Well yeah pretty much this sad*

In the nicest way OP it's sad your Nan died but that isn't your friend thoughts and she is now out of pocket. Be a good friend and give her what you owe

Girty999 · 17/08/2017 19:23

If the ticket is not stamped I'm sure she can claim a refund if it's not a really cheap one

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan · 17/08/2017 19:23

I'm sorry your grandma died but you really need to pay the money. Why should your friend be out of pocket?

user1483387154 · 17/08/2017 19:23

As with the others, YABU
I am very sorry for your loss but you owe your friend for the ticket

GinIsIn · 17/08/2017 19:23

Unless there's a massive dripfeed where the friend ran your grandmother over or something, why on earth shouldn't you have to pay? When my dad was dying I missed out on lots of things I had to pay for, it didn't give me the right to rip others off!

Goingtobeawesome · 17/08/2017 19:24

But your friend shouldn't have to lose money as it isn't her fault.

Pay her back. Apologise for the delay. Fake it if you don't really mean it but don't leave her out of pocket.

Sorry for your loss.

Original poster
Forevergazingupwards · 17/08/2017 19:24

Tbh I had the funeral and other things to sort out and I forgot, hence the month. Just feel like she could have let it go when I'm going through a shit time with the break up and my gran.

OP posts:
Papafran · 17/08/2017 19:24

So how much is the ticket then, OP?

Trb17 · 17/08/2017 19:26

I'm sorry for your loss but a death in the family has nothing to do with you owing money.

YABU. You owe this money to your friend and should pay it.

NapQueen · 17/08/2017 19:26

You pay and send with it profuse apologies for the delay.

Giraffey1 · 17/08/2017 19:26

YABU. You owe your friend the money. She shouldn't have had to ask you for it! Why not suggest she tries to get a refund for the unused ticket (if it isn't too late for this) and pay her the balance. If she can't claim it back, you should pay her the full amount without a quibble. Why would you even think this isn't the right thing to do?

Sorry about your gran ...

Mrsknackered · 17/08/2017 19:27

Sorry you are having such a hard time OP and maybe it's clouding your judgement a little bit but you should pay it back (maybe in instalments if it's difficult as a one payment)

Train tickets from here to London can be anything from £17 to £120.

Don't let this ruin a friendshop Flowers

honeysucklejasmine · 17/08/2017 19:27

Your bereavement doesn't have an impact on your friend's bank balance. Sorry for your loss, but you need to pay her back.

OverOn · 17/08/2017 19:27

This must be a reverse?

If not, I have very sympathy with you for losing your grandmother. You still should pay for the ticket though, it's not fair to leave your friend out of pocket. She may be going through financial difficulty, but even is she's not, you should pay her.

If you'd bought the ticket yourself, you wouldn't be going to the train company to get your money back.

Blackadderspants · 17/08/2017 19:27

Did you want advice or did you want someone on here just to agree with you so you could justify not paying your friend back the money you owe her?

Regardless of what is going on in your personal life, you owe her the money. It is very unfair to leave her out of pocket.

Surely you can see that?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/08/2017 19:28

I can u der stand you forgetting to pay her back, with everything that's gone on, it it is very unreasonable of you to expect your friend to be out of pocket.

Please pay her back.

AnaisB · 17/08/2017 19:28

Yes, you need to pay her back.

HappyGoLuckyGirl · 17/08/2017 19:28

I don't understand. You owe money, you need to pay it back.

Sorry for your loss but do you think "yeah but my Nan died so can't you just forget about it" would work with your mortgage company or landlord?

Redglitter · 17/08/2017 19:28

You don't know how much she might need that money back. If you value her as a friend in anyway pay it back. There's no way she should be out of pocket

SnowiestMountain · 17/08/2017 19:29

How much is the ticket??

TinselTwins · 17/08/2017 19:29

YABU

I'm sorry for the loss but it does not entitle you to leave your friend short!

When a member of my imediate family died and I went back to my home town to deal with it I left my flatmate with signed blank checks so that she wasn't left short for any bills when I was away!

Pay your friend back!

fleshmarketclose · 17/08/2017 19:30

YABU you need to pay your friend back, your tough times shouldn't impact on your friend's bank balance.

DonutCone · 17/08/2017 19:30

I hate reverses. They are like when DS calls his sister something horrible and then says 'just joking'. Not funny. Just annoying.

If you owe money you should pay it. There are no excuses.

Mittens1969 · 17/08/2017 19:30

Why wouldn't you pay her back? Train tickets are not cheap and they can't be used on another day.

YABU.

perper · 17/08/2017 19:30

Very sad situation for you and I'm sorry to hear that- but I can't quite believe you genuinely think she should fund your unused ticket. It was your ticket, she bought it on your behalf, and there is no way on Earth she could possibly be held responsible for that cost.

I've had a situation where a friend bought me two tickets to an event on a misunderstanding (he thought I said I could go, I actually had said I wasn't sure)- I paid for both tickets and in the end couldn't go. I wouldn't have dreamed of not paying as he bought them in good faith and it was an honest mistake on his part. Cost me a bomb but I wouldn't have lost a friendship over it!

In your case, you had wanted the ticket, you then didn't pay for the ticket- not great behaviour from a friend. Understandable that you have had a lot on your plate so I can get my head around not having paid immediately, but I'm shocked that you think you shouldn't pay.

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