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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That it isn't really a honeymoon?

195 replies

jafitife · 16/08/2017 19:34

Friends of ours are due to get married this weekend. Upon receiving the invite we were asked if we could contribute to the -very luxurious- honeymoon of their dreams, which we have. The guests can choose which items they can purchase for them such as trips, champagne breakfasts, limo transfer, plush meals in restaurants, currency for the multiple countries they will be visiting, airport transfers, flights etc and it totals roughly £15000. After meeting with them last night they spoke about how they will be heading away the day after the wedding to France for a week and the honeymoon will be in January. AIBU to think that this isn't a honeymoon and more of a holiday of a lifetime? I hear more and more now of people who get married then go on honeymoon months or even a year later. I understand that for work or health purposes for some people it has to be delayed but surely it can't be a honeymoon if you choose to have it a later date? I'm not losing sleep but intrigued as to if this is becoming more popular and others views on it?

OP posts:
Nettletheelf · 17/08/2017 09:00

HAHAHAHAHAHA at 'moneymoon' and 'grabamoon'!

I think that the couple getting married are pretty brass necked, I'm afraid. It really is tacky to ask people to pay for an expensive holiday for you, whatever you're calling it. Champagne breakfasts, limo rides and dinners in posh restaurants, seriously?

Did they also send a poem?

I am entertained by the spirited defence of the practice of begging for cash at your wedding...by the people who clearly did it themselves.

BusterTheBulldog · 17/08/2017 09:13

We asked for money (obviously stating presence most important which it was) nettle, happily polishing my brass neck now Halo. Every wedding I've been to has, people generally want to give something to their friends / family. We'd live together for 10 years so had everything. I'd have loved to do a John Lewis type gift list, why is this more acceptable that asking for money?

Some people gave lovely, thoughtful gifts, some vouchers, some cash/cheque some nothing at all-all was fine! The couple can do as they wish with their gifts. Loads if people have to delay their honeymoon due to work, weather at destination etc etc, the 'big' hol is still their honeymoon! It's France they're going to straight after not Australia.

Only on this formum do people get so het up about other people's weddings!

TronaldDumpy · 17/08/2017 12:24

Buster - so you had lived together for 10 years. You had everything you needed. You asked for cash.

My friend is in your scenario except she did state "no gifts" but a donation to the charity of their choice would be appreciated if guests did want to give anything.

AyeAyeFishyPie · 17/08/2017 12:34

I wouldn't be too impressed. I don't mind contributing to a honeymoon but not ok to go away and then have a massive holiday later.

Aardfart · 17/08/2017 12:40

I don't understand what difference it makes when the holiday is. The amount you give to them would be the same regardless?

We'll probably have a little mini-moon straight after the wedding and then a bigger holiday later when we can take more time off.

TronaldDumpy · 17/08/2017 12:51

Can we please try not to start using these stupid terms so that they don't become part of our vocabulary ???

Mini-moon. Really.

starkid · 17/08/2017 13:13

Like [b]sparechange[/b] said, I'm getting married in May then honeymoon in October, basically because the weather here is nice in May, but the weather in the honeymoon destination is better than October! Also my passport runs out in between, so perfect time for me to renew with new surname etc.

Just contribute however much you usually would for a wedding gift, it shouldn't really make a difference either way? Confused

starkid · 17/08/2017 13:14

oops bold didn't work!

BusterTheBulldog · 17/08/2017 13:29

tronald gold star to your friend. If that were my friend I would have made a donation (if I agreed with the charity) and still bought same voucher / gift ammount as I would anyway. I personally could just not turn up to a wedding without a gift.

paap1975 · 17/08/2017 13:32

When we get married next summer, we won't be going away immediately. Why? Well lots of our guests will have travelled from Australia and New Zealand and it would be quite rude to say "thanks for coming halfway round the world, we're off now!". There are lots of reasons why people postpone honeymoons, especially if they're already living together

ChristopherWren · 17/08/2017 13:33

I think it sums up how privileged many people are nowadays when someone describes 'a cheap week in Greece' as not their main honeymoon!

JayDot500 · 17/08/2017 14:39

ChristopherWren it's all relative. I don't believe it is privileged, since gift giving is never mandatory. Just don't give if you don't agree.

paap that's exactly my view. There are real reasons why people don't take a honeymoon directly afterwards. And after the wedding chaos, why not be able to take a few days off in another country without people shouting 'privileged!'

Whatsername17 · 17/08/2017 14:42

I got married at Christmas but wasn't allowed to take two weeks off for my honeymoon. I'm a teacher so had to wait until the summer holidays. We spent a few days in Bath after the wedding. It would have felt a bit flat otherwise. I think you are being a bit quick to judge. You could just choose not to contribute.

Lweji · 17/08/2017 14:42

I don't get your problem with the definition of honeymoon.

Most people who get married already had sex, lived together, had children.

If the trip they're taking is called honeymoon or trip of a lifetime, what does it matter to you?

WhataHexIgotinto · 17/08/2017 14:48

FFS mini-moon and mega-moons?

PrincessDorisWindsor · 17/08/2017 16:46

Most people who get married already had sex, lived together, had children

WHAT????? This is the end of society as we know it. Next you'll be telling me that women can drive cars and have jobs.

MaisyPops · 17/08/2017 16:58

I think it sums up how privileged many people are nowadays when someone describes 'a cheap week in Greece' as not their main honeymoon
That's pretty much my view.
But if they want to do a small honeymoon and a big thing later, fine. It's their choice.

I just mind when people have a honeymoon and re-brand their luxury holiday that is totally more than they can afford as their honey moon and expect others to pick up the tab.
Not only that, but if the luxury holiday was so important to them and they would like contributions then don't go on "this week long european break/honeymoon/minimoon" and put that money into the pot for the big trip later.

The we'll fund our own week in the sun and then expect others to pay for our trip of a life time approach doesn't sit well with me.

Lweji · 17/08/2017 17:50

WHAT????? This is the end of society as we know it. Next you'll be telling me that women can drive cars and have jobs.

The point was way over there --------->

BusterTheBulldog · 17/08/2017 21:41

But why do you care what they spend the money on? the honeymoon (the later one), is still the present they asked for.

ButtHoleinOne · 17/08/2017 21:49

Honeymoons are never really what they used to be now anyway. For one it's not the first time most of us see our partners naked... so it kind of means a special holiday taken and planned after or around the time of the wedding.

MaisyPops · 17/08/2017 21:50

I care about the way things are done and how up front and honest people are.

E.g. We're booked a honey moon and would love contributions/experiences to help have a few extras and the honeymoon is 6 months later, fine.

E.g. We're saving for our once in a lifetime honeymoon trip but it's over £10k and we're treating ourselves to a post-wedding week in the sun whilst expecting you to subsidise a luxury trip beyond our own financial ability (because we're antixipating funding said trip through wedding gifts), grabby and in poor taste.

NanooCov · 17/08/2017 22:24

YABU. We married in August. Went to Italy for a week immediately after then to Thailand and Cambodia the following February as we didn't want to go at the start of the rainy season. Both were out honeymoon. Paid for them ourselves though.

user1497557435 · 17/08/2017 22:36

In very poor taste asking for money for a holiday/honeymoon as wedding gift.

Sashkin · 17/08/2017 22:42

Some of our friends got married in July and went to the Galapagos a few months later, when the weather there was a bit more clement.

I was more than happy to contribute to their honeymoon. I think it's a bit petty to insist the couple travel somewhere in hurricane season/monsoon/some other "wrong" time of year, just because you've given them £20 for cocktails one night.

TatianaLarina · 17/08/2017 23:00

I don't care when people go as long as they don't ask me to pay for it.

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