That it isn't really a honeymoon?

[jafitife]

Friends of ours are due to get married this weekend. Upon receiving the invite we were asked if we could contribute to the -very luxurious- honeymoon of their dreams, which we have. The guests can choose which items they can purchase for them such as trips, champagne breakfasts, limo transfer, plush meals in restaurants, currency for the multiple countries they will be visiting, airport transfers, flights etc and it totals roughly £15000. After meeting with them last night they spoke about how they will be heading away the day after the wedding to France for a week and the honeymoon will be in January. AIBU to think that this isn't a honeymoon and more of a holiday of a lifetime? I hear more and more now of people who get married then go on honeymoon months or even a year later. I understand that for work or health purposes for some people it has to be delayed but surely it can't be a honeymoon if you choose to have it a later date? I'm not losing sleep but intrigued as to if this is becoming more popular and others views on it?

Do all the suggested wedding gifts on the list add up to £15k? That's one heck of a gift list.

Personally, I don't get calling the different trips honeymoons and minimoons. The first holiday a married couple does it their honeymoon. That doesn't stop them doing a big trip later, but it's not a honeymoon.

We had a small honeymoon (probably in new speak it would be a minimoon). The point was our new marriage and time together, not some flash destination that others conveniently are nudged into paying for. We've done a few big trips since them, but they were all holidays, not honeymoons.

Surely people plan their weddings at a time they can take a honeymoon straight after?

We purposely planned our wedding when we did so my Dad could attend. He died 9 days later. Our honeymoon was when we could both get time off work together (being one reason) and for roughly when we knew my Dad would no longer be with us.

If anyone who attended our wedding even had a gripe or an issue with our honeymoon not following straight away, I'd soon put them in their place.

If you have no idea why people plan the way they do and you are not a good enough friend to ask, don't start dictating how it should be done and what is "proper".

I got married in may, honeymoon is next week.

They're taking huge advantage of people's generosity with weddings by the sound of it. A week in France straight after the wedding is a honeymoon. The other is a trip of a lifetime. Can't beat a good old bit of bare arsed cheek eh .

I don't get why Mumsnet has this huge issue with giving money instead of a wedding present. Personally I find it easier, and I'd rather give something that the couple can enjoy and use with as they wish, rather than force a vase or toaster or similar item on a couple, (who generally now already live together and already have all the usual 'household' stuff).

And yes, when we got married we went away for an immediate honeymoon afterwards to Greece to a cheap resort as that was all we could afford at the time after the wedding. It was a lovely week. But we decided to have our main honeymoon 10 months later. This partly was because it gave us a chance to save money for it, and also because it worked out to be a better time of year to travel to this particular location in terms of the weather etc. It actually was really nice to still have our main honeymoon to look forward to after the wedding, as we didn't have any post-wedding blues or anything because we still had something exciting to look forward to if that makes any sense?

I don't really get why MN gets itself so het up about wedding gifts. What's the difference between choosing wine glasses from a John Lewis wedding list, or contributing to the honeymoon? I'm not even offended by people asking for cash.

It's the going to France right after the wedding that makes it seem off.

15 grand is a deposit on a flat. What a waste of money.

But it's up to them, isn't it? Maybe they already own a house and have everything they need. It might be a waste of money to you, but it isn't a waste of money to them. Some people value experiences more than things, if that makes sense. We're all different.

I don't see the issue as long as it's appropriate to a range of budgets. It's traditional in a large range of cultures to give a couple some form of a gift to celebrate their marriage and it's pretty archaic to buy household items for the majority of couples who are well set up, so why not put your gift budget to something they will enjoy experiencing together. I'd rather have the option to put my choice of budget to a honeymoon/ holiday/ home improvements than open up a more traditional household gift list and find very few items left at an appropriate value.

We phrased our request as towards home improvements. We were well sorted in most items but did have plans toward decorating in the near future and a few household items to upgrade from aging beginners argos sets. Our honeymoon was extravagant, but the gifts were appreciated towards the purpose that we'd requested. Cash is traditional/ widely accepted in a large range of cultures anyway. I don't see the point in playing guessing games, or contacting brides parents in the pretence that it's less vulgar.

It doesn't matter what the trip is called. It doesn't matter that they are going to France. The couple just suggested that if their guests want to they could choose to contribute in this way. No one is holding a gun to anyone's head.

If they hadn't suggested anything people would either waste their money on something the couple don't need or want or give cash. People typically want to give a gift at a wedding.

The option is there to not give anything or give an alternative. Jeez louise there's more to worry about than stuff like this!

I think people's view would be very different if they were getting married and then the honeymoon came later.

What is annoying people, I think, is that they ARE having a honeymoon (that they can afford) but are then planning a once in a lifetime holiday later (thats clearly out of their budget because they are hoping for a few thousand pounds from others to fund it) and calling that their honeymoon.

I'd happily give cash to a couple if it helps them have a nice honeymoon, but this feels very much we want you all to fund a trip that we cant actually afford because we need a few thousand pounds from you all, but we wouldn't have the cheek to ask you for cash so we'll take one holiday and then call our big trip our honeymoon so that we stand a chance of affording it and by afford, we mean YOU can afford.

It's a fifth century term that refers to a now long obsolete tradition of a newlywed couple drinking mead during the first month of their married life. It latterly became shorthand for the holiday newlyweds take, which had significance because couples didn't live together /sleep together beforehand, usually. It has absolutely no cultural relevance now in terms of its original etymology and it seems a bit pointless getting worked up about what it really MEANS. There are lots of reasons why a newlywed couple might want a short break together after the wedding but with a longer break (that they think of as their 'proper' celebration) later. Some people can't get enough time off work to prep for a wedding and then do immediate long haul. Maybe the couple have dreamed of the Caribbean, but their British wedding is during the Caribbean's hurricane season. Maybe they want to draw breaths Dan take stock after the wedding, before then having something wonderful and exciting to look forward to. If you are invited to a wedding you are generally loved or well regarded by the hosts, and so it saddens me when people are so quick to take offence at matters of minor etiquette. It also seems somewhat sniffy (and futile) to be excitable about people's motives, compared to what your granny once did, when society has changed to a such a large extent since those days. Thankfully, nobody has to drink mead anymore.

Why should it matter? It's still a trip they'll do together. Perhaps for one reason or another, it's not possible or reasonable to do the trip directly after the wedding.

I've still not had a 'honeymoon' and I've been married 3 years. We bought a house instead and spent the day after cleaning it. Been on plenty of short haul breaks with hubby though. Nothing too fancy, and we've been on that type of holiday many many times before so it's not special in any way. We are calling our 'honeymoon' the holiday we will splurge out on for our 5th Anniversary.

At least they are being straight with their guests.

Honestly, I think this is a great idea. It has always been traditional to buy a wedding gift, but nowadays a lot of people getting married already live together/have a house/have all the traditional "setting up a home" stuff.

Two very good friends of mine did a very similar thing, and the "experiences" covered a wide price range. While they were on their honeymoon, every time they did something that had been paid for as a gift, they took a picture and posted it on FB thanking the people who'd made it possible. It was lovely! (Although I will add, everyone at the wedding had known them a very long time, and they are much loved).

JayDot500
I don't think they are being up front with their guests. That's what annoys me.

Say that you'd love contributions for a big trip you're planning and it's a once in a lifetime trip. Don't go on a honeymoon and then try and spin it as 'oh yeah, well we did have a honeymoon but it's not really so please donate to our secondhoneymoon'

Me and my dh had a
Mini moon straight after our wedding, went to Dublin for 5 days. N then had our honiversary a year later. Was awesome. Let people call it what they want!

We had a few days away after the wedding and delayed our honeymoon until about 6 months later. Part of the reason was spreading annual leave for the wedding and then for the honeymoon across two holiday years. And another was that we couldn't face planning the logistics for a big holiday(/honeymoon) at the same time as planning the wedding. Don't be miserable, it's still their honeymoon.

DH was a teacher when we married. We stayed in a hotel (not where we married) the night after then honeymooned twice, the first was a half term, so only a week, the second was 2 weeks as the holidays allowed it.

We couldn't choose the wedding date much as DHs gran was dying and we wanted her to be there so did it in a hurry.

We got married in September and went on our honeymoon the following May. Nothing to do with sponging off anyone as, although we asked for contributions (only if people asked us what we wanted, no list or poem), we'd already booked the holiday and wouldn't have worried if we hadn't got anything.

Why does it matter?

They are a cheeky pair. Buy them a toaster.

I recommend you buy them a slightly shit tasteless present, but not so shit that they throw it away immediately. Then every time they see it they will remember you and be mildly annoyed.

I always give cash. Beats a £13 John Lewis soup bowl as a gift any day.
If I have someone money for their birthday I wouldn't specify an item or a 'use-by' date- just hope that they enjoy and treat themselves to something they wouldn't routinely buy. Just like a wedding gift.

My son and new bride had two day mini- moon just after the wedding in April as they couldn't get time off work for longer and then £6,000 2 week honeymoon in July. Seems the norm nowadays.