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AIBU?

That it isn't really a honeymoon?

195 replies

jafitife · 16/08/2017 19:34

Friends of ours are due to get married this weekend. Upon receiving the invite we were asked if we could contribute to the -very luxurious- honeymoon of their dreams, which we have. The guests can choose which items they can purchase for them such as trips, champagne breakfasts, limo transfer, plush meals in restaurants, currency for the multiple countries they will be visiting, airport transfers, flights etc and it totals roughly £15000. After meeting with them last night they spoke about how they will be heading away the day after the wedding to France for a week and the honeymoon will be in January. AIBU to think that this isn't a honeymoon and more of a holiday of a lifetime? I hear more and more now of people who get married then go on honeymoon months or even a year later. I understand that for work or health purposes for some people it has to be delayed but surely it can't be a honeymoon if you choose to have it a later date? I'm not losing sleep but intrigued as to if this is becoming more popular and others views on it?

OP posts:

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Lweji · 17/08/2017 23:36

What I find in poor taste is people dictating how and when their gifts are used.

Just give, don't give, let the people receiving it decide what to do with it and when.

honeyroar · 17/08/2017 23:46

Wouldn't it be nice to have a wedding guest cv before you invite them - you'd know if they were going to sneer at you for your preferred type of gift, sneer at you if you only invited them to the evening etc etc. You'd be able to save yourself a fortune.

ShoesHaveSouls · 17/08/2017 23:51

They're not really "asking you to pay for it" are they? They're saying, if you'd like to give us a gift, this is what we'd like. A wedding gift is traditional, I certainly wouldn't attend a wedding without giving a gift. If they want the cash, or contributions to a honeymoon, its no bother to me (in fact it's easier). I would rather give them something they want. Or does it have to be toaster or some bath towels?

Presumably, you are invited to the weddings of people you love, or at least like - what's the problem?

Viviennemary · 18/08/2017 00:12

A grabby poem asking for gifts is cheeky. People should wait to be asked what they'd like for a present. But sending folk a list of what trips they want on their honeymoon is the total pits. If they want to sail down the Ganges in a golden barge drawn by white swans then they should pay for it themselves.

ShoesHaveSouls · 18/08/2017 00:16

Why is it different from swanky wine glasses on a JL wedding list? Or napkin rings?

Betsyboo87 · 18/08/2017 00:32

It has never occurred to me that this would be an issue. I've been to plenty of weddings (and contributed to lots of honeymoons) and I don't really care when they go. We didn't go straight after as we live abroad and used our annual leave to go home to get married as that was more convenient for the majority of family and friends. We didn't mention presents at all on our invites though so it's not like we were promising it would go on a honeymoon anyway.

TatianaLarina · 18/08/2017 11:45

I think asking for cash donations of any kind for a wedding present is rude and vulgar. I'd never dream of it. I don't know anyone who's done it.

Other posters may disagree, that's fine, but I'm not going to change my mind.

MyheartbelongstoG · 18/08/2017 11:57

They're taking the piss I think.

JayDot500 · 18/08/2017 12:03

Tatiana we must be in very different circles. I think it's rude to sneer at the requests of the Bride and Groom, who for the right reasons, may not want you to waste your money on a panini maker they don't want or need.

stumblymonkeyagain · 18/08/2017 12:23

I'm having two honeymoons along these lines...we wanted a December wedding but where we're heading for our 'big' honeymoon isn't suitable in December due to the weather there and we don't want to be away over Christmas.

Honestly I think people that moan about this kind of thing are just being grumpy arse holes.

Either way you'd have spent money on a wedding present...so best for it to go towards something that will actually be meaningful and create a life long memory.

I don't get the issue at all.

stumblymonkeyagain · 18/08/2017 12:25

@sparechange has hit the nail on the head.

"Taking advantage of what?
The well-established custom of buying a present when you attend a wedding

What a miserable and miserly attitude"

stumblymonkeyagain · 18/08/2017 12:30

And we're spending £10k on our honeymoon.

So what? Generally the MN comments are always along the lines of...if it doesn't impact you, don't judge.

We're not expecting £10k of donations, clearly we will pay whatever the balance is whether that's £50 or £9550.

We, personally, want to have a honeymoon that is a once in a lifetime trip, that we'll remember for the rest of our lives and that will create great memories in our first year of being married.

We've lived together for years. If I needed a toaster or fifteen , I'd buy one.

I think it's so unnecessarily judgmental, grumpy and miserable that people get riled up about this.

takingsmallsteps · 18/08/2017 12:32

We had another family wedding the week after mine so couldn't go away. We went to a spa hotel for a few days, intending to book a bigger honeymoon later. We never got around to it and then I got pregnant so we thought we should save our money!

takingsmallsteps · 18/08/2017 12:40

Also I don't get the whole angst about money but in my culture money is traditional and boxed gifts are odd!

BIWI · 18/08/2017 12:45

So you joined Mumsnet on Wednesday to post this but haven't bothered to come back yet, OP?

LaurieMarlow · 18/08/2017 12:45

A long haul honeymoon months after the wedding is pretty common these days. Anyway, I don't see how it matters whether it's a holiday or a honeymoon.

Why would you be happier to gift 'stuff' in the form of a wedding list, but not 'experiences' as per this request? I don't get that.

And no one's forcing you to do anything. If you want to buy them a toaster, crack on.

Sally52014 · 18/08/2017 12:51

A honeymoon happens whenever the couple want it to happen. Whether that's one day or one year after the wedding. Not up to you to declare it a honeymoon or not.

LaurieMarlow · 18/08/2017 12:56

Also I don't get the whole angst about money but in my culture money is traditional and boxed gifts are odd

In the UK, household goods are traditional. I guess people are struggling with the fact that this is no longer makes any sense as a custom, but can't get comfortable with a more modern day appropriate form of gift giving.

In Ireland though, money is much more common. And the sums given are a lot more than is usual in the UK.

WeAllHaveWings · 18/08/2017 13:02

A honeymoon happens whenever the couple want it to happen. Whether that's one day or one year after the wedding. Not up to you to declare it a honeymoon or not.

The definition of a honeymoon is a holiday for a newly married couple. Going by your reckoning I could call my ds a newborn when he was 1 year old . A holiday 1 year after a wedding is a fantastic holiday which the couple may want to celebrate their marriage but it is not a honeymoon. You can't just change the definition of a word!!

Sally52014 · 18/08/2017 13:16

The definition of a honeymoon is a holiday for a newly married couple. Going by your reckoning I could call my ds a newborn when he was 1 year old hmm. A holiday 1 year after a wedding is a fantastic holiday which the couple may want to celebrate their marriage but it is not a honeymoon. You can't just change the definition of a word!!

I went on my honeymoon a few weeks after our wedding. An immediate family member died suddenly while we were away, after only being there for 2 days out of the originally planned 25. We came home, obviously and will be redoing our honeymoon next July. That will 100% be our honeymoon. As already stated, a honeymoon is what a couple feels is their honeymoon.

Sally52014 · 18/08/2017 13:19

Also, a newlywed couple are generally considered newlyweds for the first year. Making their "holiday" as you call it, a honeymoon.

WaxOnFeckOff · 18/08/2017 13:21

We picked a time that we could have our honeymoon and planned the wedding for start of that. It's really not that hard.

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sparechange · 18/08/2017 14:20

holiday 1 year after a wedding is a fantastic holiday which the couple may want to celebrate their marriage but it is not a honeymoon. You can't just change the definition of a word!!

A honeymoon used to start on the night of the wedding - hence brides having a 'going away outfit'

Isn't it brilliant that we live in a world where traditions and customs can evolve to suit the times and changing demands of life

You have to be some very odd sort of Luddite to insist everything must be frozen in time and done the way things were done during some arbitrary period last century in order to be considered 'correct'

NerrSnerr · 18/08/2017 14:29

If you want to get them what they want then give cash, if not you can risk getting a gift they won't like or use.

OneFlewOverTheDodosNest · 18/08/2017 14:41

We picked a time that we could have our honeymoon and planned the wedding for start of that. It's really not that hard.

So speaks someone who didn't invite any foreign guests or perhaps with entirely unrestrained holiday dates...

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