That it isn't really a honeymoon?

[jafitife]

Friends of ours are due to get married this weekend. Upon receiving the invite we were asked if we could contribute to the -very luxurious- honeymoon of their dreams, which we have. The guests can choose which items they can purchase for them such as trips, champagne breakfasts, limo transfer, plush meals in restaurants, currency for the multiple countries they will be visiting, airport transfers, flights etc and it totals roughly £15000. After meeting with them last night they spoke about how they will be heading away the day after the wedding to France for a week and the honeymoon will be in January. AIBU to think that this isn't a honeymoon and more of a holiday of a lifetime? I hear more and more now of people who get married then go on honeymoon months or even a year later. I understand that for work or health purposes for some people it has to be delayed but surely it can't be a honeymoon if you choose to have it a later date? I'm not losing sleep but intrigued as to if this is becoming more popular and others views on it?

[ShoesHaveSouls]

Wrong thread! Sorry

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

I suppose a toaster is regarded as more of a necessity? something you need in everyday life; you're buying something that will be used.

An extravagant holiday is just a luxury and gives the impression you are expecting large amounts of money (you don't actually need) as gifts.

Breaking down the wish list into meals out, flight transfers, limo rides etc is misleading when it's actually not a personal gift. All money seems to just go into a pot with no recognition of who has gifted what.

[Lweji]

Surely nobody needs a toaster when getting married these days.

[Lweji]

Obviously these people not only don't need a toaster, but they don't want one.
They want a honeymoon/holiday.
Just give it to them, fgs.

[Lweji]

And who cares who gave what?
Do people only give presents to be acknowledged?

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

Well they'll be gutted if they get home from their exotic holiday and the toaster breaks
Fair point Lweji I concede wanting acknowledgement for a gift isn't the point of giving it. It just feels like the couple wanting a pot of money are dressing it up as individual gifts.

[Lweji]

Well they'll be gutted if they get home from their exotic holiday and the toaster breaks

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

Back to reality with a bump. Going from chauffeur driven limo in Barbados to cooking your bread under a grill. Like a terrible honeymoon comedown.

[lunar1]

I'm probably the only one, but I love things like this. I like gift lists, money requests etc. I hate thinking I'm wasting money on something I think people might like.

[WritingHome]

I am firmly in the camp that a second holiday months after the wedding it NOT a honeymoon.

I also do not like the idea of being asked to contribute to this holiday. In fact I hate lists / instructions on gift giving for weddings in general.

I don't live in the UK & this practice seems far less prevalent here than the many many UK thread suggest how frequently guests are told what gift to bring.

We got married 14 year ago and had a LOT of people travel for our wedding. We got married the week before Christmas which we hoped would allow people to travel more easily.

We stuck around for 2 or 3 days after the wedding to catch up with our travelling guests and then we headed off on our honeymoon -= paid for ourselves and the weather was not ideal but we LOVED every single minute of it!

I think the OP's couple ARE grabby tbh. I think a lot of other posters on here are too

[Bluegrass]

As has become abundantly clear over the course of all the many threads on this topic over the years, whatever a couple choose to do will be disliked by some and absolutely hated by a few (a few miserable fucks who presumably don't actually like them and resent being there).

Given that you can't possibly win with everyone the only answer is to do whatever makes you happy and fuck the moaners, they can always stay at home.

[MaisyPops]

So you're contributing to a bigger giftmaisy, something that presumably the couple will love and they can't afford the whole cost of themselves.
I cannot fathom why you'd have a problem with that if you'd be otherwise happy to give money.
I've said I'm happy to give cash towards things when the couple are nice and reasonable & arent trying to be out for as much as they can get.
Eg friends are saving for a honeymoon and would welcome contributions / we'd love some money towards some experiences on our trip (what I did the other month for a friend).

What I dislike is like the OPs situation where the couple clearly have ZERO interest in saving for their stupidly expensive trip (because weeks in the sun 'don't count') and have decided guests will fund their big trip way beyond their budget. That's just rude and grabby in my opinion.

It's not the issue of giving cash that bothers me, it's the attitude of the couple.

[WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup]

I got married in 2013. We'll probably get our honeymoon in 2028

[MaisyPops]

waitrose

We did a small and affordable honeymoon. We promised ourselves a big trip later. Life's had a funny way of throwing things up since.

[WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup]

We had a toddler and small baby at the time. Since then we've had another...and another! We will appreciate it when the time comes, that's for sure!!

[WinnieTheMe]

DH and I had a honeymoon fund instead of wedding presents. We already owned our house (no mortgage) and had been living together for over a decade so didn't need toasters or anything.

We offered various "gifts" people could get us. Some people preferred to give us "stuff" (my sisters bought off list) and that was lovely. Some relatives sent cheques to spend as we wished, some people liked getting us something off the list. And yeah, it's just money, but I took photos of every 'gift', like a scuba dive, and made a little montage to fit into a card and sent it as a thank you. We got about £1k of contributions and made the rest up ourselves which was fine as we had budgeted for no presents and just took any as a bonus.

I'm not sure why it's a massive deal but MN is very funny about weddings - there's no way to do right!

[WinnieTheMe]

Also, MN is really worried by the prospect of people getting above their proper station isn't it? There's so much pearl clutching at people taking a 'luxury trip beyond their budget'. It all rather reeks of snobbery at the prospect of these ghastly upstarts who don't appreciate their proper place in Skegness.

[itsbetterthanabox]

I don't understand the problem.
What difference does it make when they take the honeymoon? The same money will be spent.
If you would give the same amount to the couple whether you give cash or a physical gift then again why is it an issue? What's the point in giving them another toaster when they already live together? Just out of principle? Presents are silly when you already live together which most engaged couples do now.

[DeadButDelicious]

I wish I'd waited a bit before going on honeymoon. We went a couple of days after the wedding and to be honest it was all a bit much. I needed some time to decompress after all the stress of the wedding (great day, run up was awful). Had I had a week or two in familiar surroundings to just breathe after all that stress then I may have enjoyed it a bit more.

[LaurieMarlow]

If grabby turns out to mean 'would prefer my friends gave me a gift I really wanted and would cherish' instead of 'wasted their money on stuff I neither wanted or needed' then happy to be guilty as charged, thanks.