That it isn't really a honeymoon?

[jafitife]

Friends of ours are due to get married this weekend. Upon receiving the invite we were asked if we could contribute to the -very luxurious- honeymoon of their dreams, which we have. The guests can choose which items they can purchase for them such as trips, champagne breakfasts, limo transfer, plush meals in restaurants, currency for the multiple countries they will be visiting, airport transfers, flights etc and it totals roughly £15000. After meeting with them last night they spoke about how they will be heading away the day after the wedding to France for a week and the honeymoon will be in January. AIBU to think that this isn't a honeymoon and more of a holiday of a lifetime? I hear more and more now of people who get married then go on honeymoon months or even a year later. I understand that for work or health purposes for some people it has to be delayed but surely it can't be a honeymoon if you choose to have it a later date? I'm not losing sleep but intrigued as to if this is becoming more popular and others views on it?

[Thishatisnotmine]

We did this. Lived together so we made it clear no gifts but if people wanted to we would like a contribution to our honeymoon. Went away for a couple of days after the weeding and all the money went into a savings account and we went away about ten months later. Explained this in the thank you notes and then updated everyone when we had booked where we were going. Dh had started a new job and as it was summer couldnt get anytime off as everyone else had already booked. I am happy to give money for weddings, they are happy occassions.

[WaxOnFeckOff]

Nope, we did have foreign guests and DH was a student so we got married in his Easter break. Not everyone could come and that's just the way it goes.

[MidnightAura]

We had our honeymoon 6 months later. It was our honeymoon. We never asked guests for cash for honeymoon. We had a gap because DH had no more annual leave left and we wanted to get married in the summer and we also wanted nice weather for where we went on honeymoon which we wouldn't have got had we we went straight after the wedding.

[JustSaying99]

We got married in the February and then went on our honeymoon in September. This was largely because we had got married abroad and so had already had a holiday as part of the wedding, so waited a wee bit til the honeymoon for obvious reasons. Personally, I am not a big fan of the 'pay for our honeymoon' gift (I just find it a bit tacky) - same way as I don't really like wedding gift registers either. I think they are good if you are maybe not a really close friend or relative, but when you know the couple, I much prefer to go for personal, meaningful gift, rather than a voucher, some cash or a blender!

[OneFlewOverTheDodosNest]

Ah well for us it was more important that family were able to attend than stick to a tradition of going straight on honeymoon. Also cost us a whole lot more to have a summer wedding to ensure everyone could attend but that was our choice.

[TalkinBoutNuthin]

Actually, if you have a wedding that people travel to, it's nice to stick around to see your friends and family who have travelled to come to the wedding.

[WaxOnFeckOff]

yes, cos it's clearly one option or the other....

[ferriswheel]

I would on purpose get them something else. That is so greedy.

[Mrsborty40]

We had a 'premoon' in Thailand two months before the wedding, perfect for a tan on the day, then a 'minimoon' straight after in Bath and also rather cheekily asked our guests to contribute to a 'familymoon' a couple of months later to Egypt . No one minded and when I've been asked similar it's been a relief not have to choose a gift, wrap and cart it to the wedding. Modern times ladies.

[LaurieMarlow]

I'd love someone on this thread to tell me why asking people to fund part of a holiday is 'greedy' but asking them to fund a toaster is not.

[Lweji]

I would on purpose get them something else

Why?

Why give people something they don't want and didn't ask for just to make a point?

Do you do that to your children at Christmas?

[GrumpyOldBag]

Exactly - what difference does it make to you whether you spend £50 on a toaster or as a contribution to a holiday.

Why not give the bride & groom something they will love.

[Whisky2014]

I dont see the issue. You pay what you can afford if you want to. Does it really matter when it happens?

[MaisyPops]

I don't mind if the couple are up front about what they're doing and it's done in good taste.

Eg. Friends of ours got married last month. Due to work they're taking their 'honeymoon ' much later in the year. We happily donated an experience for them to help make it special.But THEY ARE funding their honey moon costs.

I'd even not have that much of an issue if a couple said 'we're saving for our honeymoon and would be grateful for contributions'. (And they are actually saving so not taking themselves off for weeks in thr sun just because they feel like it's not technically a holiday)

What annoys me are situations like the OP, when the couple are planning an extravagant trip that's costing over £10,000 and they are planning on funding it with gifts from the wedding. That's hugely rude and grabby. Add to it that the couple want this flash trip, but rather than save towards it themselves, they're taking a European holiday whilst still expecting others to fund it. That doesn't sit well with me because it feels like 'we want this trip but can't be arsed to save ourselves and if we call it a honeymoon you lot can fund it'.

[Pippa12]

Good god... me&my friends must be the height of ignorance with our wedding etiquette- we've done it all... asked for cold hard cash, hen partys abroad, late honeymoons, we commited every offence in the eyes of mumsnet. We've had a great time doing it too

[Pippa12]

We also got married in May in Turkey then paid for our honeymoon in September with the thomas cook vouchers we got a wedding gifts (that yes we asked for!) I cant for the life of me understand what makes you feel better buying a £20 toaster or putting £20 in a card??? I genuinely cannot fathom it out?

[MaisyPops]

pippa
I can only speak for myself, but my issue in thr OP's situation is that the couple have been quite entitled and grabby by having essentially a honeymoon and then expecting others to foot the bill of their luxury trip that's costing over £10k and claiming they'll be financing it through wedding gifts. That's very presumptuous and make me

I'd happily give a cash gift where people aren't so rude and presumptuous.

[LaurieMarlow]

So you're contributing to a bigger gift maisy, something that presumably the couple will love and they can't afford the whole cost of themselves.

I cannot fathom why you'd have a problem with that if you'd be otherwise happy to give money.

[Pippa12]

But how is it grabby? If they've written a minimum gift amount- thats grabby. If they've asked for 'contributions' then contribute a £1 if it makes you feel better? I genuinely cannot understand people's unrest over it?

[GingerLemonTea]

A honeymoon is right after the wedding.
Months afterwards it's a holiday.

[LaurieMarlow]

Firstly ginger, why? Lots of people here have talked about having their honeymoon several months later.

Secondly, what does it even matter? Contributing £50 to a holiday rather than £50 to a toaster, what's the difference?

[milliemolliemou]

I've changed my mind on this over the last few weddings.

At first I thought it was bizarre - but then I thought ... most people are getting married later. So they have a place to live in, most of the stuff they need to run a life. If buying them a supper somewhere in the world helps their holiday/honeymoon and that's what they want - then good. I'm horrified if as a PP said your choice of gift (dinner on a tropical island etc) is just put into a pot and can't be acknowledged ... though they may change their itinerary on their route so I can also see that. In which case I'd be tempted to email them to say "hope you enjoy dinner on tropical island".

And as other PPs have said - they'll likely be paying for the majority of their holiday unless they have seriously rich friends - av guest gift barring family is 50 so x 100 = 5000 and some will be gifting 15 or whatever they can afford. So they will be paying and booking on their own money for the holiday.

[Lweji]

Contributing £50 to a holiday rather than £50 to a toaster, what's the difference?

Similar questions have been asked. No answers given.

[Nomoreboomandbust]

I don't get toasters!

Use the grill