Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Original poster

That it isn't really a honeymoon?

195 replies

jafitife · 16/08/2017 19:34

Friends of ours are due to get married this weekend. Upon receiving the invite we were asked if we could contribute to the -very luxurious- honeymoon of their dreams, which we have. The guests can choose which items they can purchase for them such as trips, champagne breakfasts, limo transfer, plush meals in restaurants, currency for the multiple countries they will be visiting, airport transfers, flights etc and it totals roughly £15000. After meeting with them last night they spoke about how they will be heading away the day after the wedding to France for a week and the honeymoon will be in January. AIBU to think that this isn't a honeymoon and more of a holiday of a lifetime? I hear more and more now of people who get married then go on honeymoon months or even a year later. I understand that for work or health purposes for some people it has to be delayed but surely it can't be a honeymoon if you choose to have it a later date? I'm not losing sleep but intrigued as to if this is becoming more popular and others views on it?

OP posts:

JayDot500 · 16/08/2017 21:52

Maisy but to them, France is not their honeymoon.

God I've been to France too many times to ever think of it as a honeymoon but it's somewhere I do go for some downtime. Like this couple, I wouldn't call that break a honeymoon, it's much too familiar. I certainly wouldn't want people paying money towards it, I would much prefer they paid cash toward new experiences. Should couples attach an essay explaining themselves as I have above? Oh please say no, the poems are enough!

sparechange · 16/08/2017 21:52

maisy
You are getting very hung up on the semantics

You have a fixed definition of a honeymoon being one thing
Lots of people have a definition of a honeymoon being something else

Why act so bitter and spiteful because of it?!

crunched · 16/08/2017 21:56

No problem with cost or timing but in my experience these type of packages are not what they seem.
When my niece got married last year, I enjoyed pondering the list and chose to pay for a boat to a private island with picnic lunch from me and DH, and a bottle of wine to accompany a meal from each of my DC - so three bottles of wine.
Was disappointed to receive a generic thank you card, having hoped the desert island experience would get a special mention.Just seemed a really romantic thing for a honeymoon.Also thought that sipping a bottle of Pinot from little cousin 'x' was sweet.
After a few drinks one night, my DSIs (brides mother), revealed that bride and groom were told total money received and then selected from the list of available options. They had no idea what experience had been selected by guests.
Stupid I know, the honeymoon couple had a great holiday, but I felt really conned.

honeyroar · 16/08/2017 21:56

So if you buy them a toaster and they don't use it for a few months is that still them taking the piss??!!

The most exotic destinations are often out of season in our summer/wedding season, so it makes sense to go a few months later.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 16/08/2017 21:58

Contributing to a honeymoon list is definitely a Thing now (I used to work for a travel agent that offered them), because these days (unlike decades ago) it is very common for the couple to already be living together and have all the household items they need. I would much rather, (and have) contribute to something the couple will really appreciate rather than a new toaster or set of silverware. Nothing wrong or grabby about it.

WeAllHaveWings · 16/08/2017 21:58

You are giving them a gift towards a holiday, does it matter when they take it?

A honeymoon is a break taken shortly after the wedding by the newlyweds to have some time together immediately after the wedding. A holiday taken several months later isn't by definition a honeymoon, but if the couple wants to pretend it is fair enough.

Viviennemary · 16/08/2017 21:58

Expecting folk to pay for champagne breakfasts and limos. I'd call that taking the absolute piss. It's beyond cheek.

TronaldDumpy · 16/08/2017 22:00

People don't seem to know what the definition of a Honeymoon is.

Glad I don't have friends that are tacky and grabby. Awful. No shame.

TronaldDumpy · 16/08/2017 22:01

"Mini moon" FFS. How ridiculous can people get.

SnickersWasAHorse · 16/08/2017 22:15

I've been married 15 years. We didn't have a honeymoon or any wedding presents.

I'm off to tap all my family for £50 so I can have a holiday.

piglover · 16/08/2017 22:32

15K is an extraordinary amount of money. How long are they going for? It does feel pretty grabby to me, and I can only hope they treat their guests with similar generosity at their wedding.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 16/08/2017 22:52

If France is a mini moon, the round the world jolly is a money moon.
I think it's cheeky to ask for such extravagant gifts. Yes, guests can choose what they give but the whole set up is full of assumption that people will be giving large amounts really.

TathitiPete · 16/08/2017 23:34

We got married in June but went on honeymoon in September as it was quite a bit cheaper to go at that time.

Viviennemary · 16/08/2017 23:43

More like a grabbamoon.

Out2pasture · 17/08/2017 00:40

Moneymoon....

JenTheSprtacusPuppy · 17/08/2017 00:43

We were going to Spain a few days after getting married, wasn't our honeymoon, it was our family holiday which we'd booked and paid for long before we booked wedding. We were thinking of booking somewhere just dh and I a few months after but couldn't afford it, if we did then it would have been no family holiday the next year so we just had a night in a little B and B a few weeks later.
Would never have occurred to me to ask others to pay for one, but we also got married Ina registry office in clothes we already own and went for meal to local boozer after. We didn't want all the fancy stuff but couldn't have afforded it anyway and there's no way I'd expect others to pay for our wedding too. Have read many threads on here over the years of people expecting parents and/or guests to pay for their weddings so asking for a holiday to be paid for doesn't surprise me tbh

maudeismyfavouritepony · 17/08/2017 01:00

In traditional terms, you are right, their honeymoon is in France.

You are contributing to a huge present of a round the world trip. They could have been more upfront and said so then you could have made a decision to contribute or buy them a waste of money gift.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 17/08/2017 01:19

A Honeymoon is for newlyweds. Months later, it's a holiday.

MaisyPops · 17/08/2017 07:30

I'm not bitter and spiteful about it. I do think that a honeymoon is the first holiday a married couple go on (regardless of size/destination or whether its just a small european trip). I also have zero issue with people honeymooning later on for whatever reason.
I don't get having one honeymoon and then a 2nd and presenting the 1st wasn't really a honeymoon because it wasn't fancy enough.
I also think that people think that by calling something a honeymoon they can get other people to pay for their holiday.

I have zero issue contributing an experience to a honeymoon or something good like that, but to me deciding you want to go on an exotic holiday that you can't afford and then relying on your wedding guests to fund the trip is a bit odd and grabby to me.

BringMeTea · 17/08/2017 07:39

So tacky. What a grasping world we now live in.

Brittbugs80 · 17/08/2017 07:52

We didn't ask for anything. We specifically said no presents as we had everything as we already lived together. No request for money either.

But because our friends and family chose to, we got a few presents but people out money in the cards. We ended up with £2,000 in sterling and $950 dollars.

I love how people accuse those that do ask for money as grabby and entitled yet, even as close as the 80's and 90's you got given a list of presents which had things like irons, washing machines etc on to furnish the new house.

What makes furnishing a house more acceptable than chucking someone £50 in am envelope?

Any wedding invites we get, I always ask is there a list or do you want money if they haven't specified anything on the invite.

Brittbugs80 · 17/08/2017 07:56

then relying on your wedding guests to fund the trip is a bit odd and grabby to me

So a honeymoon you can't afford that is being paid for by guests is grabby, however it's not at all grabby to buy a house that you can't afford to furnish and ask your guests to contribute to that instead?

Yep. Perfect MN logic right there.

Chattycat78 · 17/08/2017 08:08

15,000 on one holiday. Wow that's a lot!

We did ask people to contribute to our honeymoon- we went straight after the wedding though and it was nowhere near the sort of level described here!

TroelsLovesSquinkies · 17/08/2017 08:17

We didn't go away or spend a night anywhere after our wedding. We took a holiday three years later with new baby Ds to see his grandparents.
Honeymoons take place right after the wedding, 6 months later is just a holiday.
It all sounds grabby to me.

PennyTentiary · 17/08/2017 08:58

Viviennemary grabbamoon

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8