Should I tell DD about Father Christmas before starting secondary school?

[keepingonrunning]

And if so, how?
I am very happy that DD has got to this age while still being a passionate believer.
However she relies on me to be utterly truthful with her after trust/honesty let-downs with others close to her. Once or twice recently she asked me directly and I fudged an answer.
I don't want her to be a laughing stock at secondary school but I also know she will be heartbroken. Ruining her Christmas magic spell forever would always sit on my conscience.
Her ears are closed to playground rumours!
WWYD?

When they start questioning it then it is time to fess up! That is when you cross the line from makebeleive to deceit

I highly doubt she doesn't already know, but if you do need to tell her, just explain that he was a real person once, and that over the years St Nicholas became Santa Claus.

@keepingonrunning

DD was about 8 when she asked so I wrote her this letter. I got most of it off the web and tweaked it as necessary:

"Dear DD,

You asked a very good question: "Is Santa real?"

I know you've wanted the answer to this question for a while, and I've had to give it careful thought to know just what to say. But the answer is complicated and I’m not sure I explained it well enough so I wanted to write to you.

Santa Claus is a magical spirit that lives inside of everyone who believes in him.

The magic is real for as long as you believe, and believing is your choice, even now that you’re getting to be so big. When your friends tell you that Santa is not real, they are correct. He isn't real for them anymore. If you believe he is real, then he is.

Santa is bigger than any person, and his work has gone on longer than any of us have lived. St Nicholas was a real man that lived a long time ago and the magic of his story lives on. What he does is simple, but it is powerful. He teaches children how to have belief in something they can't see or touch.

It's a big job, and it's an important one. Throughout your life, you will need this capacity to believe: in yourself, in your friends, in your talents, and in your family. You'll also need to believe in things you can't measure or even hold in your hand. Here, I am talking about love, that great power that will light your life from the inside out, even during its darkest, coldest moments.

You can keep Santa alive in your heart for as long as you want to do so. Even when you're as old as I am.

It’s true, I am the person who chooses and wraps the presents for Christmas morning, the same way my mum did for me, and the same way her mum did for her. (And yes, the Dads help too.)

I imagine you will someday do this for your children, and I know you will love seeing them run down the stairs on Christmas morning. You will love seeing them sit amongst their gifts, their small faces lit with excitement and happiness.

Santa is a teacher, and I have been his student, and now you know the secret of how he gets down all those chimneys on Christmas Eve: he has help from all the people whose hearts he's filled with joy.

With full hearts, people like Daddy and me take our turns helping Santa to do a job that would otherwise be impossible.

So, to answer your question, Santa is love and magic and hope and happiness. I'm on his team, and now you are, too.

I love you and I always will"

I'm 59. I've known for a while. I still watch the Santa tracker.

Trb That's still bullshit though!

I think my DD 8 has cottoned on. She bought the Argos book over to me last week and said 'Mum, I've circled somethings I would like from "Father Christmas".', and yes, she actually did air quotes.

Toby

My oldest belived until about 5 but he was always the innocent one. Bless him. The other 4 just looked embaressed that their parents trotted out this shit every year.

Look op she knows and probably doesn't want to upset you.

I refuse to belive any child aged 11 truly belives in Santa.

I wonder if it is the parents who do everything from Santa who find it more difficult.

My parents did the stocking from Santa and everything else from people. We did the same with DD. DD told me that she can't remember realising that Santa was a myth, but because she never had the sudden realisation from not knowing to knowing she never felt let down.

My ten year old still believes. I've tried a few times to tell him he's not real but he won't believe it. He sat down and worked out the mathematical, geographical and physical possibilities that would make FC possible. He does have Aspergers, but I resent the implication from some posts that he is too stupid for critical thinking because of 'sen'.

Trb I like that, BS or not. It's the sort of answer DD would like to hear.

DH and i were talking once about this and it got very surreal. I was one of the children that never really believed. In our house FC was always an obvious euphemism for Mum and Dad. They didn't do much to keep up any consistent pretence. No one ever 'told' me. I just knew - as did all my friends.

DH on the other hand was a firm believer and his parents really kept up elaborate FC stories. So much so that when he went to secondary school he still strongly believed with no doubts (only child).

When we were talking i thought it was lighthearted and i laughed. He got angry and told me with tears welling up that it was still one of the most traumatic experiences of his life when his Mum told him. He says he still remembers how horrified and upset he was.

I just can't get my head round it. But it seems some kids/people really really do believe it. No advice in how to tell them tho as DH has said any way would have been just as painful. He's still glad he had 'the magic'. But i am glad i didn't!

I wont be going to ridiculous lengths to maintain the charade for our dc and my parents are fucking hopeless at remembering the party line, so i doubt they will ever really think it's true.

Dd1 goes into
Year six next month. I told her after Christmas this year. She was fine

My ds isn't even super bright like the typical MN child yet at age 6 told me that FC couldn't possibly be real. If FC was then children in rich countries wouldn't get many gifts as they didn't need them as much while children in poor countries would get loads. Can't argue with that logic.

I think that some parents struggle with letting their kids know and they assume it's a sad occasion. My kids appreciated knowing the truth and enjoyed pretending for the sake of others. Spreading Christmas cheer can be more satisfying than receiving it. Even grumpy teen ds was chuffed when he saw the effect that a little effort had on our neighbour's dds (5 and 3 years old)

My dd's 10 and 11 kind of still believe in FC I think...which I'm surprised by as they are quite worldly wise in other ways.
I'm also going to have to tell them I think-but I hate the thought of doing it..it's the one vestige of being little kids they still have left.

Yes I know I'm being absurd.

You are being taken for a mug. Of course she knows FC isn't real 😂

I'm worried about this too. DS is 10 and has just started a new school. He has apparently told my Mum that if he's still not happy by Christmas, he'll be asking Santa to make it so he can go back to his old school.

Yes. Just tell her. I've had to do this with ds1, who for some reason really did still believe- and he's not the kind of kid you'd expect that of. But it would be cruel to let them go off to secondary believing that, leaving themselves open for years of merciless teasing about it.

For the pp saying there's no way dc of this age could possibly believe in it, why not? Much older people, some of them of great intelligence, believe in other things of which there is no evidence. Look at Scientology for example. Some people really believe in that!

Are you sure at this age she still really believes, or is she playing the game? Because playing the game at Christmas is fun and we all still do it. I'd do something like creeping in not-quite-quietly-enough on Christmas Eve or leaving a note from the elves in badly disguised handwriting, then allow the penny to drop. She may still play along. But she won't be a laughing stock at school.

For the last time, yes she does still really believe.

What is her position on the story of Christmas?

As in, are you a fundamentalist Christian family, and believe in its literal truth, or do you and she know it as 'the Nativity Story'?

One way into the conversation, if you do call it 'the Nativity / Christmas story', would be to talk about the stories connected with christmas - the nativity, the story of the wise men / kings, any other story books that you have shared or she may know from school that are about Christmas. You can talk about how the original nativity story, with the wise men bringing gifts, has led in time to the different traditions that she may have enjoyed at Christmas - giving gifts, having a star at the top of the Christmas tree, eating mince pies etc etc. Talk about other traditions elsewhere e.g. the story of St Nicholas etc. All these stories add up to create the enjoyment and happiness of Christmas traditions. From there to saying that Father Christmas is another story told about Christmas time, which actually has its origins in St Nicholas - and pointing out that knowing it is a story makes no difference to the enjoyment of the tradition - is a reasonably simple step.

My DCs have always know the links between the different stories - including Father Christmas - and the different traditions of Christmas. It doesn't stop the whole household, from children to grandparents, conniving in the tradition of stockings on doors to be opened on Christmas morning.

Good Grief

I must be totally hormonal today because @Trb17's letter just made me cry

This was the wrong place to ask.

As per usual, smug, self-satisfied dickheads fall all over themselves to one-up each other about being faaaaaaar too right on to allow their dc believe in it.

It hasn't yet been referred to as chavvy, but give it time.

"My child appreciates honestly"

"My child is too intelligent to believe that"

"My child knew when he was a foetus"

Has someone mentioned adults believing in a sky fairy yet?! That's when you shout bingo!

Haha @MadMags - your post did make me chuckle.

I can't believe how passionate and defensive some of these posts are. What Scrooges!!!!

Her daughter is 11 for goodness sake: a child - what is the problem if she still believes in Father Christmas? I am horrified that many of you are adamant her daughter (or children generally) would be bullied for having a belief in Santa. 1) I would strongly suggest when you prematurely disclose the truth about FC to your children , you remind them that other people/children DO still believe and their views should be respected and not teased 2) bring your children up to not tolerate bullying and namecalling, and not to be a bystander if this occurs 3) if the only thing a child gets 'bullied' about is their belief in FC, then I think thats a pretty soft form of teasing overall. Certainly less so than the 'fat', 'spotty', 'poor', 'gay', 'ugly' or social-media style name-calling/cyber-bullying that I deal with regularly. I am a secondary school teacher, and believe you me, if a child wants to bully, there will be a thousand other things they pick up on long before this. I have never, once, in my 12 years of teaching, had to ever deal with bullying about a child's belief in FC. Certainly, most teenagers (and even some sixth formers) love to play along with the idea of FC and are usually always really excited about the Christmas period generally.

I'll let my children believe in FC for as long as they are happy to do so. I would hope their upbringing means they are tolerant, well rounded and respectful individuals, who are kind to others regardless of their beliefs/religion, and are confident enough to brush minor teasing off their shouldets - particularly if its about whether they believe in the fat man or not!! Dear me.

Mrs Payne l think what we are trying to avoid is the humiliation ops dd will feel when she realises in Secondary that everyone kew something she didnt. And whose fault is that? Her dps. Those who should be protecting her. Even if no one scorns her she will feel it in her belly and as a parent l would try not to let my dcs be in that position.