Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I tell DD about Father Christmas before starting secondary school?

200 replies

keepingonrunning · 16/08/2017 19:01

And if so, how?
I am very happy that DD has got to this age while still being a passionate believer.
However she relies on me to be utterly truthful with her after trust/honesty let-downs with others close to her. Once or twice recently she asked me directly and I fudged an answer.
I don't want her to be a laughing stock at secondary school but I also know she will be heartbroken. Ruining her Christmas magic spell forever would always sit on my conscience.
Her ears are closed to playground rumours!
WWYD?

OP posts:
elevenclips · 16/08/2017 19:41
Shock

OP I have one about to start secondary. Please tell your dd. If you don't want to say FC doesn't exist you can sugar coat it as follows: he lives in our hearts and we talk about him for younger kids like [insert name of little cousin/friend]. But we will still do the same Christmas magic this year like always, it's just you're old enough to be in on the adult side of it now.

I am shitting it re sending my (young for age) dc to secondary. Doing everything in my power to ease this transition.

TwoBobs · 16/08/2017 19:41

Incidentally, I believed until about 10 and pretended to believe until I was about 12 as I couldn't bear the thought of him not being real.

putdownyourphone · 16/08/2017 19:42

Tell her what?

Original poster
keepingonrunning · 16/08/2017 19:43

Thank you for taking the time to respond everyone.
I particularly like the ideas of Smile and Peanut.
DD is not crafty, just emboldened by me keeping quiet.

OP posts:
SunshineAndSmile · 16/08/2017 19:46

DD2 is 10 and I'm pretty sure she has worked it out for herself but likes to go along with the game Wink

Notmyrealname85 · 16/08/2017 19:46

I like coriliavijvaad's sugestion :) on page 1... just a nice gesture

Borntoflyinfirst · 16/08/2017 19:48

We had to tell dd1 the Christmas she was in yr6. Mainly because we were getting her an expensive main present and didn't want her to think Father Christmas was being tight on the little bits for her but also because it was the year before secondary school. We thought she already knew. Dad took her and ds (9) aside and broke the news. Dd cried but soon got over it. Ds wasn't bothered. Both of them keep up the pretence for dd2 who was 5 at the time.

Original poster
keepingonrunning · 16/08/2017 19:48

Yes I agree. And kidding's. I'll also look up that poem Twobobs

OP posts:
SweetieDarling11 · 16/08/2017 19:49

I'd say that as she's starting secondary school, you feel she's grown-up enough to know that FC is part of the magic of Christmas for many children of primary age rather than being an actual real person. See what she says to that and take it from there.

I would not start the conversation with a dramatic "I've got something to tell you" or use the words "I lied" or "I'm sorry" as this suggests dishonesty and guilt when there's a vast difference between lying in general, and going along with the beauty that is children enjoying FC magic. Don't get the two mixed up. Make her feel grown-up enough to know.

If she says "you lied to me" or similar I'd say "how many of your friends enjoyed FC? Would you have felt better if I'd have never done FC things? Would you maybe have felt you'd missed out if I'd said he wasn't a real person from you being a baby, when all your friends believed in it?" In other words, help her to consider the bigger picture.

llangennith · 16/08/2017 19:49

She probably already knows the truth but is going along with it for your sake. Either way, yes you do have to tell her before secondary school! I doubt it'll come as too much of a shock to her.

Ohyesiam · 16/08/2017 19:50

She knows, she just playing along.
She must have thought about the whole getting down the chimney, going round all the kids in the ( nominally Christian) world in 8 hours on a flying sledge, and the fact that Santa tends to shop at the same places as you.
Give the girl some credit.

debbs77 · 16/08/2017 19:50

Nooooo! Why would you? My daughter is going into year 9 and still genuinely believes. She just doesn't talk with her friends about it

LoyaltyAndLobster · 16/08/2017 19:51

OP no disrespect but I think 11 is a little bit old to still believe in Santa Claus.

DS is 5 and I would love him to believe in Santa Claus but unfortunately "it is impossible for santa to deliver Christmas presents to the whole world before they wake up"

GabsAlot · 16/08/2017 19:54

oh ffs i always knew he wasnt real some of my friends coulnt believe it at age 10 i think its cruel personally pretending some non entity buys you presents

4691IrradiatedHaggis · 16/08/2017 19:55

Are you trying to imply there's no such thing as Father Christmas? Don't be daft!

This!

She will know on some level.
If you can't have magic at Christmas, when can you?!

Original poster
keepingonrunning · 16/08/2017 19:56

debbs77 That's what I would like to happen.
I'm surprised at some of the cynicism here (but then it is AIBU).
Frankly Shock Shock Shock that one poster wrote they don't do Father Christmas in their house at all.

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 16/08/2017 19:56

debbs thyv prob tol her you think its ok for 13 year olds to believe in that

BrownOwlknowsbest · 16/08/2017 19:57

I simply told my daughter that because there are so many children in the world, Santa only delivers presents to primary school age or younger, so now you are at secondary school you will get your presents from us

BendydickCuminsnatch · 16/08/2017 19:59

Well by doing the whole Father Christmas thing you haven't been utterly truthful have you? Grin Ah, I'm sure she already knows. I just ended up assuming it was my parents but never asked because I didn't want to stop getting a stocking.

ilovesooty · 16/08/2017 19:59

I find it difficult to believe someone just going into year 9 still believes.

Original poster
keepingonrunning · 16/08/2017 20:00

I should add - don't do Father Christmas in their house at all for reasons other than religious.

OP posts:
HighwayDragon1 · 16/08/2017 20:00

I also had a sobbing year 7 just before Christmas last year because it had come out during the lesson that FC wasn't real, confirmed by me. I felt awful for her, luckily her friends were really understanding!!

Dragonflycushion · 16/08/2017 20:01

In a way, he does exist. Not as in an actual person but as a lovely story/idea.

dinosaurkisses · 16/08/2017 20:01

DH classes the moment he knew his mum wasn't a super hero was when she admitted that Santa wasn't real after his headmaster told his entire class at school that only little children still believe during his last year at primary school.

He says that he'd had suspicions before but when he asked her she'd always told him that he was definitely definitely real. He just didn't think she'd lie to him, so it was only when another trusted adult told him flat out that he twigged on.

House4 · 16/08/2017 20:01

Def tell her esp as you mentioned she trusts you to tell her the truth. Lots of great ideas on here's but please don't forget the most important thing about Father Christmas. He is actually based on a real man Saint Nicholas who was very charitable. And there are still so many people who are charitable in the world today. THIS is a must to include in your conversation and is what Christmas should really be about!