Should I tell DD about Father Christmas before starting secondary school?

[keepingonrunning]

And if so, how?
I am very happy that DD has got to this age while still being a passionate believer.
However she relies on me to be utterly truthful with her after trust/honesty let-downs with others close to her. Once or twice recently she asked me directly and I fudged an answer.
I don't want her to be a laughing stock at secondary school but I also know she will be heartbroken. Ruining her Christmas magic spell forever would always sit on my conscience.
Her ears are closed to playground rumours!
WWYD?

[StickThatInYourPipe]

Omg tell her OP! It would be so cruel to let her go into secondary school thinking he's real!

[Edsheeranalbumparty]

Surely most kids find out by sort of figuring it out, asking their parents and their parents confirming. I'm not sure you helped by 'fudging'. But yes should tell her now.

[cardibach]

These threads always confuse me. I never had to tell DD, it just became clear she knew. Same for all her friends, as far as I know.

[kennythekangaroo]

We had the chat last week when DD(10) noticed that my writing was suspiciously similar to the tooth fairy and asked if I was the tooth fairy. I said yes.
After a few more questions she then asked "What about our elf and Father Christmas?" by then I was in tears and so was she but I told her about the whole magic of Christmas being about the excitement and wonder it gives younger children.
DH and I had thought she had still been hedging her bets in believing apparently not.
You will have to tell her before Y7, start talking about what she wants for Christmas and hope that it come up again.

[keepingonrunning]

Some very good ideas here which is what I needed.
Yes, I admit I "accidentally" lied because she has needed to keep believing in the last few years for certain reasons.
Older DC have been great enabling. Not home ed. Happy to defend her conviction to other kids.
Lapland UK has a lot to answer for!

[BhajiAllTheWay]

Don't set her up for being ridiculed. Secondary school kids can be brutal. Mine just figured it out themselves and I admitted it wasn't true. They still had the magic a lot of years though...and still love Christmas

[keepingonrunning]

I didn't have to have this chat with older DC.

[LolaTheDarkdestroyer]

My 7 year old knows he's not real due to playground gossip. She's having you on.

[dollydaydream114]

There is no way she doesn't already know. She's 11 ffs! She pretends to believe because she doesn't want to upset you and is probably dying for you to come clean so she doesn't have to keep up the pretence.

[reallyanotherone]

"Just because you know how it's done, doesn't mean it's not magic"

[icelolly99]

This is one of the reasons we don't do FC in my house..... 👍

[amusedbush]

My ex boss was chuffed to bits that her son believed in Santa until just before he started secondary school, which I found utterly baffling. Surely there aren't many almost 12 year olds who believe in Santa?

[viques]

Is it like Tinkerbell ? Will an elf die? So not all bad news then...........

[Thirtyrock39]

My friend really told me off for discussing even the concept of kids not believing in front of her daughter. The daughter was half way through year 7 and her mum was horrified id even suggested kids might not believe- it's not a given that secondary kids don't believe these days I think kids are in a lot of ways kept younger with things like this

[SmileInAWhile]

This article has been around for a long time, it's a different way to look at the whole Father Christmas / lying issue.

[alibongo5]

I had this dilemma too and decided to tell my son in the January of year 6 so that he had almost a year to get used to the idea before Christmas came round again.

He gave me a withering glance and said, "of course I know".

But if she really does still believe how about saying something like "well many years ago there was a man called St Nicholas who gave presents to children and parents now like to carry the tradition on for their children". Or something like that?

[Peanutbutterrules]

Crumbs yes tell her. She needs to trust you when asked a direct question. Really she wants to know or she'd phrase it along the lines of 'other kids say'...

Just grab a santa hat, put it behind your back, sit her down, tell her you have something to tell her that you should have said earlier. Pop the hat on, and big grin.

[hks]

im sure her friends /classmates would have said something by now.

if you have younger children it might ruin the magic of christmas for them

my daughter just played along with it she said she had known years ago it was me lol

[x2boys]

We told ds last yr as we needed to but his main present and he was with us he was in yr 5 he was beginning to figure it out ,he was fine not traumatised at all.

[x2boys]

Buy*

[justwhatineed]

He only comes to those who believe 🎅

[NambiBambi]

You might find that she knows on some level. When dd1 was nine I forgot to put the tooth fairy money under the pillow. In the morning she was upset and because it was early, I was shattered a d (let's face it) she was nine I admitted I just forgot. She cried a bit and said I wasn't supposed to have said that. She knew but just loves the pretence. She is the same about FC and fairies despite being even older now. Heaps of books she has read leave no certainty that they exist but she prefers to pretend they are real.

[Increasinglymiddleaged]

I think these days its quite believable, just a branch of Amazon prime. Back in the day far less so. So I'd make sure tbh

[youhavetobekidding]

My approach is "If you're ready to know the answer, then I'll tell you and I'll tell the truth. If you're not ready for the truth yet, then let's wait and discuss it when you're a bit older"

[TwoBobs]

My 7 yo is definitely on the verge of working it out. I think we have one Christmas left for him. My ASD 8yo is in blissful ignorance and probably wouldn't believe me if I told her the big man doesn't exist.
I have subtley started dropping hints like 'if I buy you that then I can send it to FC for you". They know him and the elves only make toys, not things like tablets, computer games etc (Mums and Dads gave to send him the money).
I've also told them both that "if you believe, you receive from him" then when you stop believing your Mum and Dad buy you Christmas pressies instead. They also know that whatever happens FC stops coming when you're 16 (for my dd's benefit - it feels long enough away that it's not an issue).
I'm hoping then it won't be a big shock!
Also, there is a little poem online about passing on the magic when you stop believing and how our parents did it for us, we did it for you and you will do it for your own children and your childrens' children. Google it. It might soften the blow.